It was February 21st, the night before my latest single, “18”, was to release…I had devoted months of blood, sweat, tears, and passion to my new album, “Willing To Try” that will be releasing in 2018. Now, my third single from the album was releasing in a few hours—excitement was building—it was a huge adrenalin rush. I’ve always had a GO GO GO! discipline with my music and life in general, never resting on my laurels.
And then, on the eve of my new single’s release, everything suddenly starting S L O W I N G down…I felt very sick, physically helpless, and I was forced to STOP. It was a surreal moment, and even though I didn’t want to accept it, I knew that I had been hit with the flu virus epidemic. My mind was shouting, “NO, this timing is the worst! I have more work to do! “18” is releasing in a few hours! The last thing you want to happen is to get sick on the eve of your biggest release ever. But, Mother Nature had other ideas, and Mother Nature won.
For the next five days, I was forced to stop everything and take an extended break—it was as if time stood still. Let me say that I am not a good patient—being sick is no fun. I have always been one to set my sights on achieving, taking action towards my goal, working hard to accomplish it, and then I’d be onto the next thing. But now, I had to stop. And, in the stopping, I was given the opportunity to reflect on the last year. Flat on my back, I was totally present in each moment. I took a long look back, for the first time, about what had happened over the past year.
I had released three singles including my latest “18” which debuted with me celebrating from the quiet of my home, where I was confined after being taken out by the flu. My previous single “Girl You Think You Know” debuted at #3 on the Billboard Hot Singles Sales Chart and has broken into the Top 50 of the Rock Digital Sales Chart. The video, which also exclusively premiered on Billboard, trended internationally to #2 on YouTube’s most popular page. “Got it Going On”, my prior single, topped the Billboard Hot Singles Sales Chart remaining at #1 for 10 consecutive weeks. It simultaneously hit five Billboard charts, including #13 on the Hot Rock Songs as the “Hot Shot Debut”, and #8 Alternative Digital Song Sales, #9 Rock Digital Song Sales, and #49 Emerging Artists. The video for the song premiered via the Huffington Post and has amassed nearly 4 million views on YouTube, trending in South America. I had met amazing women and men on my weekly Facebook TV show and through becoming a columnist for The Good Men Project.
During my forced retreat by Mother Nature, my body went through a profound physical cleanse, and my emotions got their cleansing, too. I watched an episode of “This Is Us”, an emotional drama on NBC TV that revolves around a family’s moments of love, joy, triumph, and heartbreak. I rarely cry, and I found it to be the cathartic catalyst for releasing old thoughts and stuck emotions that needed to go. I let all of my emotions—good ones, bad ones, crippling ones, fearful ones, frustrating ones rise up and be released.
By being forced to stop for a week, I was given the glorious gift of letting go of controlling how my new single rolled out, while quietly reflecting on the past year. I have always wanted to “fix” things, and I got very clear that the best fix is to not fix, but to let go. Instead of clenching my fists, I opened my arms and took it all in.
As I looked back, I realized that much of the pain in my life was self-induced. I stopped to contemplate why we always feel forced to constantly “do” and go onto the next thing without stopping and just being. I realized that it’s largely a chase—we are addicted to the chase of doing and accomplishing. Without stopping and acknowledging what we’ve done—what we’ve created, it is senseless, meaningless. I asked myself why it is so hard for us to take care of ourselves, while it is much easier to take care of our work. I was guided to surrender to All That Is, and savor the memories and present moments. On a cellular level, I got that it is time to trust that everything is going to work out for the best—The Universe has my back. I was able to sit back and revel in what I am proud of—my body of creative work that has been brought forth from my soul with the intention of serving others. I have been able to breathe fresh air into my body and mind and recharge. I am more excited than ever about what is to come. I invite you to join me in the adventure of letting go.
Visit me at My Silent Bravery.
There you will find a “To Give” wall and info about the #ToGiveChallenge. Share how you are giving to yourself, to those you love, to those you don’t know but have a longing to serve with your kindness, and to charities that have touched your heart. Just tag your shares with@mysilentbravery on all social media posts, and I will be featuring your posts on the “To Give” wall! You can also get free music and learn more about the Bravehearts and my weekly TV show on MSBTV. I can’t wait to meet you there.
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