When I sat down with my husband to check in with him the other day, I told him, “Things are good, but I feel off. Something’s missing.” As it turned out, he felt the same way.
When we talked about it more, what we discovered was that we’ve been consumed by our routines. We haven’t been doing anything truly new or different. Although our routines support us, they also lull us into a perpetual Groundhog Day of tasks and habits: wake up, eat breakfast, say goodbye, go to work, reconnect in the evening, have dinner, chat, clean up, read, go to bed. We’ve been forgetting about our need to explore and take risks–our need to color outside the lines of our comfort zones.
There’s a sense of excitement and anticipation that comes when you trust yourself enough to be spontaneous. When you don’t have an agenda, it can raise your anxiety level but it can also enliven you. There’s a generative vulnerability, a sense of “anything-can-happen” when you put yourself in situations that are different and out of the ordinary. As kids, this “anything-can-happen” approach to life is easier to access. As adults, within couple-hood, protective layers of tasks and responsibilities make it harder to create the space and time we need to take life-giving risks.
Couples need novelty as much as predictability. Creating novelty within the predictability of a committed love partnership is a relational superpower. Many couples come to fear novelty, surprises and uncertainty, precisely because it’s unpredictable. If you’ve experienced a lot of chaos or instability in your life–particularly growing up–you may focus less on trying new things and more on maintaining the status quo. It can be easy to lose sight of the importance of exploration and a degree of healthy “risk.” If you do, things may start to feel stale: this was the “off” feeling I had noticed and admitted to, the other day.
There are times in relationships to consciously shake things up, push edges, and get out of your comfort zone. Some degree of enlivening “risk” is an essential nutrient in a relationship. It may not take much: surprising your partner with a picnic lunch, taking the weekend to drive by the seaside or catch a train somewhere you’ve never been together. When you put in the time and energy to do something new and different with your partner, the returns you get are often well worth the investment.
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It’s never too early to start talking about Father’s Day on The Good Men Project. We’re looking for sponsors and contributors for our #ModernDayDad campaign. https://t.co/WJvKqq2kTe pic.twitter.com/j66LNCY0VG
— The Good Men Project (@GoodMenProject) March 11, 2019
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We celebrate Gay Pride all year long. But this year, we’re doing some special programing for a large-scale campaign #LoveEqually. We’re looking for both sponsors and contributors. Check it out! https://t.co/tkraXFPxLL pic.twitter.com/X2FlBEZb8Y
— The Good Men Project (@GoodMenProject) March 11, 2019
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