Credulity Testing

Isn’t it a beautiful thing to watch a boxer slip a haymaker? How about seeing Jet Li lead a fool flying straight into a wall with his own momentum? I love anticipating problems and getting around them, especially when it concerns my livelihood or my relationships.

One good thing about manipulative people like narcissists and psychopaths is that, when they’re going to attack you, they usually give you a warning. The best part is that they don’t even know they’re doing it. Just like poker players have tells and boxers have tics, socially aggressive people show signs before they strike. You can learn to recognize these tells and use them to get yourself out of a nasty situation before it develops.

There’s a tic that almost every manipulator uses. You might remember a time when you were double-crossed and recognize exactly the move that I’m going to warn you about. See, before someone starts telling you the big lies, they will test you to see what they can pass off on you. I call it a credulity test.

       It looks a little bit like this:

“Brittany is over at my house.”

“Oh cool. Is she doing alright?”

“Yeah. She just showed up at my house early this morning, wanting to hang out before work.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, we’re just hanging out. She was just looking for something to do before work. She didn’t stay the night or anything.”

No one asked if Brittany stayed the night! It’s not anyone’s business and no one cares. Who is just looking for something to do before work starts at 8:00 A.M.? Do you just show up at your friends’ houses at 6:00 A.M. just to ask “What’s up? You want to watch a movie?” “No. I’m going to sleep for another half hour before I have to sell a third of my day to the local feudal lord… Thanks.”

Hold on. Do I even know Brittany? What does any of this have to do with me? Why is this guy throwing out all of this information? Because he wants you to believe what he’s saying. He wants to see if you’ll swallow that lie. That way, when he really needs you to believe something, he knows how far he can stretch the truth. This is like a jab before the hook. He’s just testing his range.

Maybe later he’ll try to pull you in a little deeper:

“Yeah, Brittany’s staying with me for a while. It’s nice having her around. I don’t think it’s going to turn into anything sexual or anything.”

This might make anyone feel a little uncomfortable, regardless of context. He wants to see whether you’ll trust your gut. If you raise an eyebrow at him, he knows he can’t pass stuff off on you very easily. But if you just nod and play along, sooner or later he’ll start telling you he wants to borrow your car to get to work. When he crashes it on the other side of town from where he works, it’s because “The brakes locked up and it skidded 40” feet before rear-ending someone.

Nuh uh. This is a 1996 Oldsmobile Regency Elite 98 with anti-lock brakes. They’ve saved my life two or three times. What were you doing 20 miles away from where you said you were going and what were you on?” More importantly, why are you lying a second time? Honestly, if you told me you were going to a Miley Cyrus concert on Molly I might even have driven you there. But do you really expect me to believe that my car skidded a quarter after I just caught you in a lie that you didn’t have to tell me in the first place?

Next time it’ll be “Hey, can I borrow your credit card? I can’t use mine until I replace the alternator on it.”

Slip, sidestep—but instead of hitting back, just leave the situation.

By now you’ve probably recognized some of the behavior I’ve described in shady people you’ve met before. Some of them have probably even managed to get you to take the blame for them burning down your house because “you didn’t say they couldn’t cook P.F. Chang’s style in the living room and why didn’t you get fireproof curtains and carpets if you didn’t want your house to burn down? And why don’t you have fire insurance? God, I thought I was doing you a favor by setting you up to get a nice free home renovation on AllState’s dime! Now you’ve ruined my Christmas present by not having the foresight to get insurance! I’m tired of dealing with your irresponsible behavior man! Get it together!”

There are some people who are never going to take responsibility for their life. They are certainly not going to take responsibility for yours. So remember: before a narcissist or psychopath really pulls the wool over  your eyes, they’ll test you. They’ll throw you a credulity test in the form of a lie about something simple that you can never prove to be true or false. Most of the time they’ll give themselves away by pushing an idea that you have no investment in either way. You’ll find yourself asking “Why is it so important to this person that I believe this?”

Now that you can recognize the missile being aimed at you, just take evasive action. Nobody wins in a game that consists of trying to immerse the other person in ever wider spheres of illusion. If you try to beat or control or stop the narcissist in this game, you’ll just drive yourself insane. Trust and believe: they already are.

I hope I’ve equipped you with a tool that will help you stay out of trouble in the future. Remember: if someone lies to you, they have no respect for you. If they don’t respect you, they will not hesitate to throw you under the bus for a buck or even a laugh. Just keep yourself out of harm’s way by staying away from such people. You know, the way you do with rabid animals and people on the phone with strange accents telling you have a computer virus. The way to win a fight with a liar is to “Practice the art of fighting by not-fighting, as Bruce Lee would say.

Watch out, and stay safe! Stay tuned for more Magic-Trick Explanations coming in future articles! Peace be with you.

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Photo by Johann Walter Bantz on Unsplash

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