I recently shared a provocation on social media.
BAD NEWS: There is no talent, only practice. GOOD NEWS: Anyone can practice
The idea came from thinking of books by the likes of Dweck, Gladwell, Coyle, Syed and many others, the nature vs. nurture debate. What I was not prepared for was the vehement defense of the notion people are born with talent, not everyone can become Cristiano Ronaldo or Lady Gaga.
These comments triggered me in ways I did not expect. I sat with them for a few days then it hit me like a train. I have been utterly fucked by my ‘talents’. As a man in my fifties who for twenty years has worked in the personal development arena on personal growth I realized why the defense of the idea of innate talents was not just overrated, but as a philosophy, it is positively destructive.
I felt I had been punched in the gut with the realization I have had a FIXED mindset. Being praised as a child for my innate ‘talent’ had become an insurmountable barrier to growth. My talents had created a cycle of approval I still live with today. I have come to realize for most of my life my growth has been massively stunted by falsely believing in my talents.
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When I was a baby I was taken away from my teenage mother and spent the first year of my life in an orphanage. When I was in Junior School I was ostracised and bullied for being the only non-white child in the whole school.
My safe space, at school and at home became my intellect. My innate talent, or more accurately, a resource, was to be born with an IQ of around 150. At school it allowed me to rise above my bullying peers, to give me smart responses in the classroom if not in the playground. At home, my family groomed my intellect with relentless IQ tests every day to prepare me for the 11Plus exam for Senior School selection. So my IQ became my go-to place, the place of safety, the place where I know I could get approval and connection.
But the downside is from that time, it created a fixed mindset. I would do anything to protect what I already had, rather than risk something new.
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When I think back over my life there are many clues to my fixed mindset.
I only practice or pursue the things I can quickly get good at, never really going beyond my comfort zone. I never achieve mastery. If there is no early promise I will abandon it as a bad idea. I am not prepared to do the work.
I exaggerate the good news and diminish the bad news. And deep inside of me I want to shout the good news from the rooftops.
I allow you to see my success and even small signs of success take on disproportionate levels of significance.
I don’t like to fail in public. (I cringe as a write this).
I avoid being seen to fail. I feel humiliated. I could never imagine doing Karaoke!
I lack the beginner’s mind, I attend workshops and courses and nod sagely as I seek to confirm what I know rather than open up to new possibilities
I like to be seen as the expert. I do not like to be made wrong.
Sporadically I continued to develop my intellect (my innate talent is a high IQ) through reading.
I would play safely within my extensive limits.
I had a lucky career. This is not a false humility, I was lucky to get the roles that suited this combination of gifts.
I saw myself as a rule bender. This enabled me to play to my strengths, rather than do the work of succeeding within the rules.
In particular, the cycle of approval meant I became attached to praise from people I saw in power over me.
Almost every school report I received said I was playing below my ability, I was complacent and I could definitely do better.
I did ‘just enough’ in my A levels to get to University.
I did just enough to get the most basic degree it is possible to get.
I have been deceptive to myself about my real experiences.
I have had a history of buying the trappings of success, buying ways to win rather than doing the work. In motor racing, I bought the fastest car rather than develop my talents as a driver. When faster cars came along I gave up.
As I write this I am desperate to tell you that of course, in spite of all this I am smart and successful.
I am terrified you will think less of me.
Equally, as I write this I want your approval of my insight, which now makes me want to delete it.
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So what is the opposite of a fixed mindset? How do I learn how to grow?
The simple solution is to find an area of potential growth and to develop PURPOSEFUL PRACTICE. Purposeful practice comes in a series of well-defined steps.
- Define something I want to master. Something I can relate to but cannot currently do.
- Identify a way of taking the first step into the space of the unknown.
- Clearly, identify a way of getting feedback – the fewer the variables the more powerful this is. Focus on one area of learning, and one dimension of feedback at a time.
- Take on board the feedback (there is no failing, only feedback).
- Adjust and keep trying until it is mastered.
As I work as a coach I want to reach out to powerful potential clients. This is how I might take this model and apply it.
The first step would be to choose a method of connecting. That will narrow down the focus and the feedback loop. Let’s say I start with writing letters to initiate a conversation.
The feedback mechanism is simple; a yes or a no/no-response; however, I would need to minimise the variables. If all the letters were different, then I would not know what was working or not working. So the letters will need to have a consistent message and text.
I could perhaps follow up with a phone call to get more feedback to help me modify the letters to improve their chance of success.
Once I had mastered connection by letter then I could move to an initial phone call, again using a script to guide the call to ensure there is consistent feedback.
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With this approach, developing a GROWTH mindset seems much less intimidating. There will still be failure along the way, however, it will come in digestible, bite-size chunks, with a feedback loop to help navigate towards success.
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Join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Community.
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Photo: Getty Images