How to Dissolve Shadow Parts

One of the biggest threats on the path to well-being may be the development of shadow parts. If we repress, ignore, or disown parts of ourselves at any developmental stage, they become invisible to us. We call these parts that are not in our awareness “shadow parts.” These shadow parts are blind spots that drive unhealthy beliefs, thoughts, emotions, etc., which contribute to ill-being (e.g., Schwartz & Sweezy, 2019).

Shadow parts that are developed in one developmental stage can cast shadows across all subsequent stages (resulting in multi-stage blind spots). This prevents us from being aware of entire parts of ourselves. As we move through developmental stages, these blind spots grow bigger, potentially creating greater ill-being (i.e., mental health issues).

Here is a quick description of the adult developmental stages and the type of awareness we have at each stage (Cook-Grueter, 2014):

• Red: awareness of the body (self-centric)
• Orange: awareness of social interactions (peer group-centric)
• Yellow: awareness of behaviors or actions (skill-centric)
• Green: awareness of emotions or outcomes (outcome-centric)
• Teal: awareness of thoughts or perspectives (understanding-centric)
• Blue: awareness of beliefs (pattern-centric)
• Indigo: awareness of awareness (awareness-centric)
• Violet: awareness of oneness (oneness-centric)

Shadow Parts Example

As an example, imagine we grew up in a home where our parents were abusive, neglectful, or even just really busy. As children, our immediate needs for love, support, and protection were simply not met. As a result, we were unable to fully experience being self-centric at red stage, the time when it is completely appropriate to do so. If we also developed the belief that our self-centric tendencies are not OK or that our needs are not important, we repress this aspect of self and it becomes a shadow part. If we don’t see and reclaim this shadow part, it can continue to grow as we move through all the subsequent stages.

Here is how this might go given the example of not having our childhood needs met. At orange stage, not advocating for our needs might lead us to develop one-sided, unhealthy friendships. At yellow stage, we might take actions that put others’ needs first. At green stage, we might pursue outcomes and achievements that other people want (without considering our own needs and desires). At teal stage, we might consider everyone else’s perspectives except our own. At blue stage, we might stop engaging in habits that lead us to hurt others but continue habits that allow others to hurt us. At indigo stage, when we begin to bring awareness to everything, we may finally realize how we have denied parts of ourselves and start to change all of the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that emerged from this shadow part. As you can now see, shadows can create a cascade of ill-being that grows across stages.

Dissolving Shadow Parts Along the Path to Well-Being

To resolve shadow parts, we generally need to go back to the stage where the shadow part was formed and “own” or love that part of ourselves (e.g., Schwartz & Sweezy, 2019). With regard to the previous example, we might try to bring up the awareness of red stage, embracing our selfish tendencies, and get in touch with our desire to have our immediate needs met. The more we can observe the child we once were from an objective perspective, the easier it can be to see how this part of us became a shadow. We may also need to go into the awareness of each stage, dissolving the shadows in each location.

Let’s continue the example above regarding our red stage needs. At indigo stage, we may become aware that our fundamental needs were not met as a child and become ready to finally look at this shadow. To resolve our red shadow, we might ask our inner child what it needs. Depending on our unique experience, it might tell us it needs protection, it might say it needs more play time, or it might want us to buy things that it felt deprived of.

As we begin to own that original part of ourselves and the shadow begins to dissolve, the shadows cast in later stages may come into awareness. With regard to orange stage, we can now see how our original wounding led us to develop one-sided relationships with people who do not care about our needs. Because we are now more in touch with our needs, these unhealthy relationships begin to fall away, either because we choose to end them or because these people are not capable of considering our needs and they leave us. Of course, this can be difficult.

As we continue to own our shadow in yellow stage, we start to take specific actions that put our important needs above others’ needs. Maybe we’ve always been a drinking buddy for a certain friend but we now realize that being sober is what we really want. Or maybe we’ve always gone along with whatever our family wanted to do but we now realize some of those actions go against our core values. We stop doing things simply because others want us to and begin to prioritize what we want to do.

When we see our green shadow, we stop pursuing achievements that don’t represent our true desires. This might mean quitting a job that society views as very successful. Or it might mean we stop trying to reach an impossible standard that our parents want us to reach. We let go of the outcomes that never actually mattered to us.

To resolve our teal shadow, we may start to speak up a bit more in social situations. Maybe we used to just agree with whatever others said, whether we agreed or not. Or maybe we just participated in whatever conversation was happening, even if it wasn’t about anything we cared about. As the teal part of this shadow begins to dissolve, we may speak out in new ways, inviting the conversation to veer toward things we care about or sharing perspectives that we know others won’t agree with.

With our blue awareness, we continue to look at our patterns for other instances of this shadow playing out so that we can resolve it once and for all. As all of the layers of this shadow continue to dissolve, we experience lifelong patterns beginning to shift. We can now see how this old red shadow rippled through all of our types of awareness, leading to beliefs, thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and experiences that prevented us from getting our needs met.

In Sum

Although it may seem simple, integrating shadow parts generally requires a lot of courage and the support of a coach, guide, or therapist with expertise in Internal Family Systems Therapy, limiting beliefs, or related skills.