How To Turn Rejection Into Useful Energy

The sharp sting of rejection, you’ve felt it, the one that goes straight to the heart, you know it. When you open your email and they thank you for submitting your article, but it’s not a good fit. You ask your crush out and they don’t want to see you. The “We’ll let you know” with a shrug after an interview. And all you can hear are doors slamming behind you, No, No, No, No.

I’ve been there.

Rejection can be deep and painful. You feel unworthy, doubt yourself, and it doesn’t just happen once or twice. Throughout your life, you’ll get rejected more times than accepted. And sometimes, you get so used to it; you stop trying. It kills your drive, your spirit, and your passion especially if you’re rejected in areas, you treasure. You can turn it around, but first, you know this:

1. They will reject you

There’s no way around it, you are human and that’s just part of life. In your adult life, someone will reject you. We don’t grasp rejection well during formative years, but experience the pain of it when we’re older. You experiment more, you’re open to ideas, and can understand the nature of rejection. Expect that No somewhere if you haven’t yet.

Not everyone will like you, your work, or anything else you offer. We’re different that way, with diverse tastes that don’t bode well with everyone. Think of it as a part of your growth.

2. Everyone faces rejection.

You’re not the only one, everyone is towing that line. Not in the same things as you, and sometimes less than you are. But everyone has felt that sting. It is one thing that you’ll find is synonymous with everyone you meet. However, not all will let you know. They’re working on it, suffering, yet to face and put it behind them. Somewhere, sometimes, they experience it in a distinct form; let no one fool you

3. It is okay.

As much as you may detest it, rejection can be instrumental for you. What you offer is not always good, you learn this when you’re told no. It shows you that there’s more to learn and exposes you to a different view of the world. You get to learn resilience. Fewer things bother you. You inquire and find out what’s wrong. You learn to improve your work and learn new tricks. It allows you to connect with new people; pros who can teach you and ones who share in your sorrow.

Reject me once, I cry, reject me twice, I laugh, reject me more I fight.

‘Rejection is good for Me’ repeat after me, you’ll feel so much better. It might create the fire you need.

Are you better now? Well, you’re on your way, and this is how you can turn it.

1. Accept it

The first step to counter obstacle is to start by recognizing where you are. This helps you map out your next steps because No becomes a Yes in acceptance.

Yes, you lost, you didn’t get in and your book didn’t get published. You failed, your article got rejected, and you didn’t get that job. Yes, yes, yes, you got rejected. Accept it.

2. Find out why

This is step number two. Maybe not at first, but when you’re ready, find out the reason. You may think that the ones who rejected you are bad and don’t know what they are missing. This may be true sometimes, that your rejection had nothing to do with you and your work. However, to improve and know where, inquire about the reasons for your rejection.

Use your time after the grief. Here you’re level-headed, more likely to listen to their answer, and be receptive to their corrections. You’ve already accepted it. You’re not trying to change their decision, but you need to know why your work didn’t tally. Email or text and respectfully ask them to explain. Sometimes it may already be clear from the notification you received, read it and understand why.

3. Take a moment

To breathe and to relax; it could be five minutes, one hour, or a whole day. Take some time to think about your next step and analyze the information you’ve received. This way you decide on whether you believe what you’ve been told. If you do, are you willing to make the changes required? Do you want to apply again? Will you submit to other places you feel will accept what you offer?

4. Take action

Research. What direction have others in your field taken? Has it worked out for them? Research also involves looking within, go back and study your work. Find out your strengths, weaknesses, and what drives you.

Learn. Get better, take a course and get yourself a mentor. Read a story of someone who overcame. This helps; not necessarily by following their steps, but you knowing that it you can do it too.

Ask for help, someone else might just be the key. That someone can be a colleague you think may offer you the best insights.

I still get rejected and it still stings but not like it did. I turn it into a drive, a lesson, and sometimes I let it go. Useful energy can also be passive. There are some things I don’t feel it’s worth it, not now anyway. Maybe I am not a good fit, so I stop barking at that tree.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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