I’ve always expected all good things in my life to end.
I’ve anticipated failure, letdown, and disappointment.
I’ve also struggled with feeling accepted, wanted, and loved.
Stay with me here…
Meditation has become my primary source of relief and healing.
I love to share this amazing practice with the world.
I am passionate about its positive impacts on my life.
When you fill your soul with goodness during meditation, the not-so-great stuff has nowhere to hide…
So you begin to release. Become aware of an emotional pain, accept it as your own, and healing begins.
This morning a memory surfaced.
My mother was a loving mom, and she struggled with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse from her past.
She was a loving mom, and she did the very best she could for me.
She was awesome… but there were times of verbal abuse and neglect when her past resurfaced.
To gain certainty and love, I fully connected with my dad.
Dad was everything to me.
He was my best friend, my coach, my everything.
He came from a large family.
When a new child was born into his family, the entire family would shift focus to the child. The focus on each child would lessen, and all emphasis placed on the newborn.
As I was growing up all I had was my father. He was my only source of certain love.
When I was 10 years old my first niece was born.
My father, knowing what he knew, shifted his complete focus to my niece.
I was left behind. The connection was broken. Love lessened. My coach, my teacher, moved on to the next student.
I only had my dad, then I had no one.
I felt abandoned and unlovable.
My dad did the best he could. He did what he knew.
I love my dad, rest his soul.
I have battled the abandonment feeling my entire life…
I wait for, expect, anticipate abandonment.
All good things in my life end.
Since I expected things to end, when they did not, I made them end.
It became part of my operating system.
That operating system has caused much suffering in myself, my friends, and my family.
I hold people at arm’s length.
I do not let them fully in because they will abandon me.
Or so I learned.
That story ends today.
No more.
That is not reality.
I release myself and my loved ones from that bullshit story.
I reject the suffering that comes with that story, and today I choose a new story.
A story of love and acceptance.
It’s my choice to make.
I choose to make room for increased happiness and abundance.
Today is new.
I love today.
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This post was previously published on mikekitko.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
