He Is the One!

Every love story is unique.

I have learnt from watching the movie ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ that you do not need to physically meet the person before falling in love with him.

For a long time, I went back and forth on my decision to agree for a life long relationship without meeting him in person. Mind me here, my concern was not the man himself but the fact that I have not been physically around him, enough to make a life decision.

We talked over texts for a long time, almost six months. I knew he was the one. He knew I was the one for him and yet, both of us were hesitant to say ‘yes’. How could we?

He was in Ireland, in a different time zone and I was in India, at least four and a half hours ahead of him. I did not know how it felt to be around him or to be in his arms. I did not know how he smelled and I did not know how he looked when he woke up or brushed his teeth or how hard he laughed while watching a comedy sitcom. I had no idea how it would feel when he would hold my hand or kiss me. I had seen him a few times on a video call but it’s still not the same as seeing him live. He had the same thoughts.

This is an arranged marriage.

I mean, I did not start talking to him randomly, out of nowhere. A match-maker, someone from our very own caste community, presented our biodatas to each other’s families.

(A biodata is a crucial piece of document, commonly used in arranged marriages. It includes a decent photograph of the candidate, his personal, professional and educational background. It lists out details as basic as height, weight, skin complexion and caste. In rare cases, it includes more items such as hobbies, external achievements, etc.)

I saw his biodata, looked at his profile and looked through his account on social media. His Instagram account was private so I decided to send him a follow request and he accepted it fairly soon, considering he would have received my biodata as well and would want to know more about me.

It was clear that both of us were looking for life-partners on our will and not due to family pressure.

For a couple of weeks, neither of us approached the other. He barely updated his social media so there was not much to look forward to on his profiles.

I made the move.

I messaged him on Instagram and asked, “Hey, is it a good time to talk?”

He replied sooner than I had thought and he said, “Yeah, just finishing work. How are you?”

That was it. We only needed a start. We talked (texted on Instagram) a lot in the next couple of days. We asked each other all questions which people usually talk about in their first meeting —

What do you do in your free time? What is your favorite movie and TV show? Do you like dancing? What do you think about working women? Would you prefer a working wife as opposed to a housewife? Are you looking for girls because of parental pressure? What are your future plans with your career? What do you expect from your partner? Did you have a relationship in the past?

I think you got the gist. So far, his responses checked all my boxes and that was the weekend for us.

We did not talk in the next five working days. I was hoping he would text me on the weekend. Even though I had started to like him, I did not want to rush into him. Plus, I had no idea how he felt about me. I waited for him to text me first this time (I had plans to judge his interest based on that).

He did. I was still not sure of his intentions or feelings, but he did text. We talked again for the whole weekend and it seemed he had already found someone to talk with, a change from his otherwise weekend routine of spending solo time, sleeping and binging Netflix.

I couldn’t be happier. We were talking and hitting it off. Gradually, we started talking on weekdays too. We learnt more and more about each other and with each mature conversation, the possibility of us becoming one, became higher and higher.

Three months —

I had decided for myself that I will not come to any conclusion before three months. I knew that anything that would last longer than that had the potential to last life-long.

Those three months were crucial. We continued talking over texts and we had shifted to WhatsApp messaging after the first week. It was great. Slowly and slowly, both of us started waiting to talk to each other and share how our days were. I started to care about what he ate, where he ate and if he is getting enough sleep or not. He started to make efforts to spend more time with me (virtually).

I realized at the end of those three months that we are headed towards somewhere. We both had developed feelings for each other and had started to imagine our lives with each other. We were eager to share this with our parents and as days went by, we became more and more excited to meet each other, in person.

It was not possible for him to travel to India anytime before September 2020 (that would be six months since we started talking!) I was of the opinion that I do not want to commit before I met him in person and he felt I had a point so he never pressured me into a decision nor sought one from me. He was patient.

It was July already and the pandemic showed no signs of easing restrictions. India and Ireland both witnessed consecutive extensions of lockdowns, his visit in September seemed difficult.

It frustrated me. He told me that it looks as if he can not travel before December 2020.

December? That seemed very far.

We were now in a phase where we were becoming more and more sure about each other and yet we could not make it official or expect the other to commit. Was he my boyfriend? Was he someone I am planning to marry? The best name I could give to our relationship was — my would be fiancé.

In these six months, we spent a lot of time talking, we also connected over video calls for a few times and we also fought or engaged in arguments. We had started to fall for each other. Those six months were not entirely pleasant but what held us together was our honesty. We both were completely honest with each other. It wasn’t the easiest route but it landed us in a place where we (actually I) decided to officially announce our relationship.

I was not ready to wait until December. I had been talking to him for six long months and I had everything I needed to make my decision. Until now, I considered ‘physical meeting’ as an important step in finalizing a marriage because I thought people would call me crazy if I say ‘yes’ for marriage otherwise. I used to think it is absurd and physically meeting one another is an absolute condition before making commitments.

But I realized that it is ‘we’ who make these criteria or conditions. I may not love him just yet, but I do know him as a person. I had the answers to my questions.

Will he be a good life-partner? Yes.

Will he support me with my career? Yes.

Will he respect me, no matter what? Yes.

Does he have good values and pure intentions? Yes.

Am I attracted to him? Yes.

And it was a yes to a lot more questions.

So I was already 99% sure about him and meeting him will fulfil that remaining 1%.

The question now was, “Am I confident to make my decision with that 99% of surety?”

I was looking for that one clue, one boost, which would lead me to a definite ‘yes’.

If you have enjoyed my story, stay tuned for part 2. I will be writing about that one incident which helped me with my decision to proceed with the commitment before meeting him.

Thanks for all the love and support.

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Previously Published on medium

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