I [used to] travel often — for both business and leisure.
I enjoy doing so alone.
One of my preferred pastimes is (innocently) watching other passengers — a true lurker. I usually do so while waiting for an airline attendant to complete check-in procedures, or while enjoying a meal provided on the flight — in other words, moments when reading, working, or texting are not as feasible.
Some of my favourite people to watch are couples.
I’m fascinated by relationships — what holds them together, and what breaks them apart.
Travelling couples add yet another facet of interest to me: vacation is when most individuals are at their happiest — I think of this as an easy, and maybe easily conclusive, test of the health of a relationship.
On this one trip, I had the chance to observe and learn from two couples, and their stories and flights.
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Photo by Belinda Fewings on unsplash
At the check-in counter
I am standing at the check-in counter waiting for the airline employee to verify my details. Thinking, this seems to be taking too long when one has a name as ‘unique’ as mine is, when I get distracted by an interesting scene presenting itself and distracting me from the wait: a Latin-looking couple standing behind me, next in line.
They look freshly-tanned, wearing comfortable clothing and flip-flops. I surrendered to a cliche assumption and concluded they had just left a relaxing beach vacation.
I’m about to smile in happiness for what I assume must have been a blissful experience, when the man turns to his partner and starts sharply addressing her — loudly, and (obviously) in public. The woman is angry and visibly trying to bite her tongue. Her partner continues for another minute or so.
My transaction at the counter ending, I move along through security and to the cafe by the boarding gate for a morning coffee. A few minutes later, as I munch on some cashews, I notice the couple walking through security, collecting their hand luggage, the man still sharply addressing the silent woman.
The ancients called anger ‘short-tempered madness’.
They saw no reason one should ever be angry — it adds evil to the soul and weighs down the heart, they said.
I couldn’t help but think of the ancients’ views and muse over this anger I see.
Which leads me to muse about self-value and self-respect. Without knowing much, if anything, about the couple, I do wonder if enough of us ask ourselves, what do our relationships reflect of our value?
If this is the relationship as I see it in public, what, dare I ask, resides behind closed doors?
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On the plane
I let this go, and shortly afterwards board the plane and settle into my extra-legroom exit-row aisle seat [ended up having a good chat with that check-in counter employee, and he was kind enough to give me a good seat!].
I look to my left, and find another couple: they look of Asian descent, the man still wearing his ‘I-am-on-vacation’
Hawaiian-style shirt.
Once again, something is amiss.
The woman is pretending to watch TV, yet clearly simply staring blankly at the screen on the seat in front of her, with the guy stealing side-glances at his partner, trying to assess whether it is safe to utter a word yet (likely of apology).
I leave the couple alone and get back to my Kindle — Michael Lewis captures my attention for the time being. The food arrives an hour later, with another opportunity to glance to my left for an update on the couple’s status.
The situation has deteriorated, the level of desperation escalated.
The woman has her back turned towards her partner now, with the man clearly begging her — in their local vernacular — to talk to him, attempting to make jokes but is left awkwardly-chuckling on his own, trying to hold her hand or turn her face towards him… at which point she actually slaps and bites his hand away.
This goes on for over an hour (I am periodically monitoring at this time, wondering, how long will their stubborn persistence last?).
I feel the exhaustion on his behalf. He was despairingly begging for her attention, figuratively kneeling at her feet, to no avail.
The guy: clearly distraught. The woman: by appearances at least, indifferent and uncaring — no reaction seen.
A similar question comes to mind: what level of respect exists between them, which holds this relationship together?
…
I think of these interactions and wonder.. we seem to often encounter similar interactions — are we too desperate for companionship, willing to sacrifice personal value, offering it too easily as our investment cost?
Is the cost of a relationship too high, or do we value ourselves at too low of a price?
I wonder to myself if I had just witnessed two relationships crashing on this flight home. I hope not.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Eric Ward on Unsplash