I met my Prince charming when I was in college and we fell in love almost instantly. We were just so charmed by meeting each other every day, sharing lovey-dovey notes, watching movies, bunking classes. It was all so mushy-mushy and we called ourselves the most romantic couple of all times, the picture-perfect couple in a fairy tale movie. Everything just kept falling in place and we decided to go ahead and tie the knot to which our parents graciously agreed.
It was a perfect setting. Me and my Prince charming. Hopelessly in Love. Happy Parents. What else is the ingredient for the Happily ever after. Right!!
A dash of love, a pinch of humor, a splash of laughter. Voila!! Happily ever after is ready. We could write our little fairy tale by then.
Then we got married. Marriage is the twist in the story. It really is a turning point in any love story and the Happily Ever After starts becoming questionable. What really is Happily ever after?
I used to believe that Happily ever after is a given state after marriage and so have learnt watching all the fairy tale movies. That belief got shunned. The seven vows of marriage or just the virtue of being married, does not promise Happy times forever.
There is nothing like Happily ever after. It does not exists on its own.
Glad to say, here’ s something we learnt — Happily ever after is something you co-create with your partner — What exactly you want your relationship to be about. If you were to analogize relationship to a dish, then how would you want it to taste (sweet/ pungent/spicy…), what kind of aroma is it going to emanate, what would it look like?
Well, when preparing my own Happily ever after, my partner & I, sometimes tried to copy-paste someone else’s recipe. But, much to our dismay or surprise, that didn’t work for us and we learnt our lessons. Every recipe is unique and brings on its own flavors and aromas.
As we created our very own recipe of Happily ever after, we discovered these few secret ingredients.
Love: Yes. Top ingredient. And bring it on in abundance to love your partner just the way he/she is. Your partner does not have to be perfect to deserve your love, rather your love has to be perfect to love all the imperfections in your partner perfectly. Let love be that ingredient that ignites you and sparks you on the gloomiest of days. Keep the love brewing. There can never be too much of it.
Even after inscrutable fights with my partner, we find ourselves comforted in the warmth of love. No matter where we are, what we are doing, love always keeps us united. Nothing can ever go wrong with love. Bring it on.
Listen up: This ones rather an underrated yet very crucial ingredient. Always lend the other person an ear. Sometimes, we get so busy in our own individual world that we forget to listen to what our partner is dealing with. Making a mammoth of our own problems, we stop paying heed to what our partner could be dealing with. Your partner could simply be expecting little comfort in our voice or touch, a feeling that you’re with them no matter what.
Keep a time special to both of you to discuss anything that anyone of you have been holding on to. Remember, no problem is grave enough for it to be not sorted mutually.
Fight: Did someone say fights are no good. Fight just means you are for real and not in a fancy land. Let’s honor the fact that conflicts exist in reality and will always be there coz no two people are the same. And its ok to fight but don’t be stuck in your own opinions so much that opinions become stronger than the relationship. Fighting is ok as long as it does not leave an overpowering taste in your taste buds and spoils the whole dish.
My partner and I follow this simple rule: Fight — Resolve — Love. Whatever the conflict be about, we always find our way back in each other’s arms and resolve it such that it doesn’t affect us again. Somethings only come with practice and dedication (dedication, in this case to your relationship).
Trust & Faith: Keep yourself and your relation real. Trust and faith is the basic condition on which any marriage holds. Put your heart and soul into this recipe with all the trust and faith. Make no pretense. You wouldn’t want to carry the weight of making a pretense. Its not easy. Marriage is a lifelong relation. Build trust and faith with each other such that none of you have to suppress emotions. We are not talking about a day or a month here, your happily ever after is for your lifetime.
Creating a space of trust and faith allows you both to express yourself without any baggage of being judged or pulled down. Your pretense is not going to make a difference to anyone but may start to weigh heavy on you. So keep this ingredient available with you in heaps and beyond measure.
Gratitude! Gratitude! Gratitude!: Much has been said about gratitude and I won’t mind repeating the goodness of this universal ingredient. It is like a garnish in any relationship. Always appreciate your partner for sharing simple pleasures to having each other’s back in trying times. Sometimes, we tend to take the most crucial relationship the most casually, especially marriage, and lay a mountain of expectations on our partner without even conveying what we expect. Show gratitude and respect for what your partner does is like an investment in your relation. The more you give, the more you get. Gratitude is going to make your relationship soft, supple and strong at the same time.
Woah!! That is my list of top 5 ingredients that me and my partner discovered and has kept us rolling out and about. You can experiment with these, tweak the amounts to your liking and keep tasting until it turns out perfect for the two of you. Wish you a Happily ever After!!
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Thanks for your time and reading up. I would love to know what your secret ingredient is.
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Previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jason Briscoe on Unsplash