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Several years ago I learned that I was a racist, and I wondered how not to be racist. More recently, I’ve wondered how to help other whites not be racist, too.
I’ve heard it several times that in the work of ending racism, whites have their work to do. In the work of ending inequality, those who currently have the most power and wealth have their work to do. In the work to end sexism, men have their work to do. So what is this work? How is it accomplished?
Why would those with power and privilege, who probably don’t even see themselves as playing a role in oppression, want to do this work?
The work is first and foremost about stepping outside of yourself so that you might assume the role of an observer with fresh eyes. With these eyes, and as you observe the world anew, you can start to create questions. Here are a few I ask:
Are we living in a post-racial society? Is racism becoming a thing of the past? Does being white make a difference? Am I a racist? Oh and while it is easy to find fault with People of Color for the ills that plague them generation after generation, what is my role in the perpetuation of these problems?
As you observe, make sure you do so from different places. If, for example, I try to observe issues of race and racism from my comfortable living room in Northbrook, I will see one picture of race that may look like a lot of whites living in nice homes in safe neighborhoods sending their kids to top notch schools. This is certainly important to observe. If I try to observe race from a prison cafeteria I may notice that there are more blacks incarcerated here than their proportion of the regular population might suggest is reasonable making me wonder, what is going on here? This too is important to observe. As you move from place to place, the observations and questions will accumulate, and you will likely be overwhelmed by the sheer scope of it all. I certainly was. I was, and still am, tempted to close the door and flip off the lights, pretending that, I see nothing.
This brings me to discomfort. Yes, these observations and the questions, even before the answers start to surface, make us uncomfortable. I have been so uncomfortable, that I worried I was really losing it. I asked Google how I might know if I was going crazy, and I’m a psychologist! Yes, it is normal, in fact, it is necessary to be disquieted by this and I have found this one of the hardest things to live with because I was taught and maybe am even wired to avoid pain and discomfort at all costs. No wonder I feel crazy to willingly bring this discomfort upon myself—who does that?
Once you have learned to step outside, ask questions, and be with the consequential discomfort and dissonance, you are ready to learn, to uncover the answers to your questions.
There isn’t any single way to do this work. For me, I have read and read and read some more. I have gone to workshops on racism and intersectionality, I have gone to work with, and be of service to, people unlike me. I have been mentored and coached. I have developed deep friendships with People of Color. And as I have seen and understood more and more, and have found some of my personal answers, and I am still so uncertain of so so much.
Oh, there should be a warning label on this work that should say something like, “DON’T TRY THIS ALONE!” I know I would crash and burn without the support and friendship and love of those who travel this road with me. This is why I am committed to helping to establish groups of individuals who can help each other on their deep and life-changing journey.
Every day I ask myself, “Dude, why the fuck are you doing this?” I should be easing into a comfortable retirement. I know what I’m about to say will sound self-serving, but, this takes real courage to face into my fears and questions and disquieting answers. This courage part doesn’t seem to be anything like me.
So why? Why in the world would I do this?
The most truthful answer is, I do this for me. While I’d really really like to claim altruism and a love for those who are less fortunate, or some other selfless motive, I know better. For I set out on this journey because I knew the despair of living outside of the truth of the world, and I knew the hopelessness of cowering in the background of the world in need.
And this is my personal answer to why, and no matter your answer, it is important that you find your answer, so that it may help carry you.
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