“As an introduction to manhood I would tell boys: the pain you feel matters.”

This is a comment by Eagle35 on the comment of the day: “Women are not the benchmark for manhood.

The Good Life @ GMP asked:

If you were writing the lesson plans for an introduction to manhood, what would you include?

Eagle35 said:

“Here’s what I would add in as part of the curriculum  To all the young men and boys here in this class, I would like to say:

“You are NOT at fault for the ills of the world. Don’t listen to the people that rub it in your face with ‘Men start all the wars’, ‘If women ran the world, things would be more peaceful’, ‘All men are rapists and criminals, statistics prove it’ etc. Anyone who does that, you have the right to defend yourself, your principles and your integrity. This class supports, and endorses, you.

“You are NOT responsible for oppression. People forget that society involves both genders so women are responsible too. But if anyone tries to pin it all on your shoulders, believing that men should get a taste of their own medicine for oppressing women a long time, you have the right to point out just how hurtful and exclusionary this point of view is. This class supports, and endorses, you.

“If any of you have ever been hurt by women or girls in the past or currently going through it, you MATTER! People say that men’s pain, when caused by a woman or girl, isn’t worth examining and likely have pulled the ‘Women have it worse’ cannard. Especially towards male survivors of female abuse. In this class, YOU MATTER! No one is going to dismiss, diminish or invalidate your pain and sadness. If you feel the need to express it, do so. No one is going to judge or belittle. A safe, supportive, non-judgmental environment is the key towards building your self-esteem back up and defending yourself against the ignorance society pushes on your trauma.

“I would at least use that as the opening towards the curriculum.” 

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  1. I just think it’s plain common sense.

    Every human being who’s hurt deserves a place of support and mentorship. No matter the gender.

    Unfortunatly, society keeps on trucking with its “Women have it worse” mentality.

    • Agreed.

      Yes the pain they feel matters. I think one major problem that I’ve seen when it comes to acknowledging pain is that people are in too much of a rush to compartmentalize, categorize, and otherwise limit the pain that guys feel.

      A guy talks about being raped and there is a rush to declare that since he has male privilege it’s not as bad as what women go through.

      A guy talks about being shamed over his body shape and there is a rush to declare that since he is not a woman it’s not as bad.

      A guy talks about having past pains ignored and there is a rush to declare that since he is a guy the real source of his pain is he’s mad over losing male privilege.

      If people would quit trying to limit the scope of a male’s pain (or trying to tell him what his pain means rather than trying to get him to speak up about it) we’d all be better off.

    • Peter von Maidenberg says:

      It’s not as common sense for men. In our society, men who seek help are pussies and losers for failing to face the real world. You “shut up and deal” – meaning you take no action outside your own head, and if you have to fail to keep that code, you fail and learn some lesson no one will specify. Being a man means blaming the victim, especially when you’re the victim.

  2. Mr Supertypo says:

    good job Eagle.

  3. Is this where I should come up with something profound to take it even one level deeper…:)

    I’ll just keep it simple:

    Your consent is just as important.

  4. Comment of the Day from a Comment of the Day post?


  5. Excellent articles. Thank you.

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