This is a comment by Eric M on the post “Why Time Outs Don’t Work“.
Danielle asked Eric M:
“Time outs aren’t necessary in themselves—just consistent discipline. How do you discipline your kids if not time-outs?”
Eric M responded:
“We don’t use time-outs. I personally find them to be useless. From my observation, kids run most households. Parents operate in fear of their children, not being willing and able to simply say no and mean it. Then, when the finally get fed up, they may react in anger and frustration.
“Discipline should never be meted out in uncontrolled anger. And, the child must always know the purpose of the discipline, otherwise, it can’t correct the mis-behavior, bad attitude, or whatever is objectionable. However, no one in my family has ever used time outs, nor do my kids plan to use them with their kids.
“We use denial of privileges, mainly, with clear explanations as to the reasons for the punishment, and the path to restoration of those privileges.
“I also try my best to inform them in advance what the punishment will be if the break some rule or principle. So, they know clealry what punishment will be meted out if they do something they know to be wrong. When they were younger, they also got spankings. “
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Photo credit: Flickr / woodleywonderworks
“Discipline and anger go together.”
Most anything and anger CAN go together but they don’t have to and shouldn’t go together.
Understand that the purpose of discipine is to train and correct. That is best done with a clear head and emotions in control so that you know for sure that you are making a logical, rational, reasoned decision and approach. This is true of most any interaction with other people and even in making decisions about your own welfare, even if others are not directly impacted.
Discipline and anger go together. Some would say naturally. In any case, there are times when anger is essential to discipline – such as when training young adults for war, where trainers must recreate the fear and confusion of the battlefield and break down the individual into a unit member. But I agree that it is never right with children. I would go further and say that it is not right for many adults, either. Such people shouldn’t be allowed in the military – an issue for me, facing a possible draft years ago and knowing that psychological exemptions were… Read more »