This is a comment by wellokaythen on the Comment of the Day: “I wondered why rejection never triggers the self doubt in my female friends as it does my male friends.”
“Another explanation could be that nowadays women have more going on for them outside of relationships while (hetero) men are still heavily defined by their ‘success with women.’ A lot of books out there today saying that women don’t really need men in order to be happy (I agree), but not many books saying that men don’t need women. You would be accused of misogyny for suggesting such a thing, in fact.
“Sure, there’s still a lot of pressure for women to ‘find a man,’ and a lot of judgment about them if they don’t, but with men today there may be even more of one’s identity tied up in finding a mate. A woman without a date for the weekend is probably just too busy, too independent, or sick of men’s crap, while a man without a date for the weekend is a loser, has unrealistic fantasies about women, or is just fundamentally flawed somehow.
“I can’t help noticing that several messages here seem to equate being told ‘no’ with being ‘rejected.’ They’re not the same thing. Saying no by itself is just saying no. Interpreting it as a complete rejection of you as a person is the spin you’re putting on it. It’s the self-talk that you’re attaching to what she said. If she says, ‘no way, gross, you’re a homunculus,’ then yes, that’s a personal rejection. If she says she’s not interested, then that’s just saying no. Taking every polite decline as a personal rejection is a horrible way to go through life, and it may be sending unconscious messages to your prospective mates.”
Photo credit: Flickr / shermeee