Not sure you understand the full scope of sexual assault? Educate yourself.
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**Trigger Warning**
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Part I
The Social Issues: Catcalling
Firstly, I want to discuss the definition of Catcalling and the modus operandi (Method of Operation) behind the sociological issue before this topic is examined in detail. For legal definitions of specific offences, look at the legal manual (Criminal Code/Criminal Law Book) based in one’s geographical location or country.
Those who catcall are using such disrespecting measures to get power and control from the behaviour.
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Catcalling is a form of sexual harassment. Sexual Offences may occur in many different forms. There’s Sexual Harassment (Verbal and Nonverbal without consent), Sexual Assault (Any form of unwarranted physical and non-physical contact without consent), Rape (Sexual Contact by Force without one’s consent). They all are interchangeable. Harassment can be verbal on its own. Sexual Harassment and Assault are common in the sense that there’s a physical demeanor to both actions. Rape on the other hand, is physical on its own by force. With all that being said, they also have power and control in common which is the obsession of the offender’s mental satisfaction.
There’s neither value nor respect for the people on the receiving end of an unacceptable behaviour. Those who catcall are using such disrespecting measures to get power and control from the behaviour. In fact, the catcaller is not satisfied upon committing the offence. He or she is satisfied once they gain psychological and emotional control from the act. The act is then completed once they have such superficial mental power.
In summary, the cause of Catcalling is to gain power and control on a mental and emotional level while devaluing others.
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Myths and Facts
Myth: It wasn’t rape, so it wasn’t sexual violence.
Fact: Sexual assault and sexual violence encompass a broad range of unwanted sexual activity. Any unwanted sexual contact is considered to be sexual violence. A survivor can be severely affected by all forms of sexual violence, including unwanted fondling, rubbing, kissing, or other sexual acts. Many forms of sexual violence involve no physical contact: such as stalking or distributing intimate visual recordings. All of these acts are serious and can be damaging.
Myth: Sexual violence is most often committed by strangers
Fact: Someone known to the victim, including acquaintances, dating partners, and common-law or married partners, commit approximately 75% of sexual assaults.
Myth: Sexual violence is most likely to happen outside in dark, dangerous places.
Fact: The majority of sexual violence acts happen in private spaces like a residence or private home.
Myth: If an individual doesn’t report to the police, it wasn’t sexual violence.
Fact: Just because a victim doesn’t report the violence doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Fewer than one in ten victims report the crime to the police.
Myth: It’s not a big deal to have sex with someone while they are drunk, stoned or passed out.
Fact: If a person is unconscious or incapable of consenting due to the use of alcohol or drugs, they cannot legally give consent. Without consent, it is sexual assault.
Myth: If the person chose to drink or use drugs, then it isn’t considered sexual violence.
Fact: This is a prominent misconception about sexual violence. No one can consent while drunk or incapacitated.
Myth: If the victim didn’t scream or fight back, it probably wasn’t sexual violence.
Fact: When an individual is sexually assaulted they may become paralyzed with fear and be unable to fight back. The person may be fearful that if they struggle, the perpetrator will become more violent.
Myth: If you didn’t say no, it must be your fault.
Fact: People who commit sexual violence/abuse are trying to gain power and control over their victim. They want to make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for their victim to say no. A person does not need to actually say the word “no” to make it clear that they did not want to participate. The focus in consent is on hearing a “yes”.
Myth: If a person isn’t crying or visibly upset, it probably wasn’t a serious sexual assault.
Fact: Everyone responds to the trauma of sexual violence differently. Survivors may cry or may be calm. They may be silent or very angry. Behaviour is not an indicator of their experience. It is important not to judge a victim by how they respond to the violence.
Myth: If someone does not have obvious physical injuries, like cuts or bruises, they probably were not sexually assaulted.
Fact: Lack of physical injury does not mean that a person wasn’t sexually assaulted. An offender may use threats, weapons, or other coercive actions that do not leave physical marks. The person may have been unconscious or been otherwise incapacitated.
Myth: If it really happened, the victim would be able to easily recount all the facts in the proper order.
Fact: Shock, fear, embarrassment and distress can all impair memory. Many survivors attempt to minimize or forget the details of the violence as a way of coping with trauma. Memory loss is common when alcohol and/or drugs are involved.
Myth: Individuals lie and make up stories about being sexually assaulted; and most reports of sexual violence turn out to be false.
Fact: According to Statistics Canada, fewer than one in 10 sexual assault victims report the crime to the police. Approximately 2% of sexual assault reports are false. The number of false reports for sexual violence is very low. Sexual violence carries such a stigma that many people prefer not to report.
Myth: Persons with disabilities don’t get sexually assaulted.
Fact: Individuals with disabilities are at a high risk of experiencing sexual violence or assault. Those who live with activity limitations are over two times more likely to be victims of sexual violence than those who are able-bodied.
Myth: A spouse or significant other cannot sexually assault their partner.
Fact: Sexual violence can occur in a married or other intimate partner relationship. The truth is, sexual violence occurs ANY TIME there is not consent for sexual activity of any kind. Being in a relationship does not exclude the possibility of, or justify, sexual violence. A person has the right to say “no” at ANY point.
Myth: People who are sexually assaulted “ask for it” by their provocative behaviour or dress.
The majority of sexual violence acts are committed against women by men, but people of all genders, from all backgrounds have been/can be assaulted.
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Fact: This statement couldn’t be more hurtful or wrong. Nobody deserves to be sexually assaulted. Someone has deliberately chosen to be violent toward someone else; to not get consent. Nobody asks to be assaulted. Ever. No mode of dress, no amount of alcohol or drugs ingested, no matter what the relationship is between the survivor and the perpetrator or what the survivor’s occupation is, sexual violence is always wrong.
Myth: Sexual violence only happens to women
Fact: Not true. The majority of sexual violence acts are committed against women by men, but people of all genders, from all backgrounds have been/can be assaulted.
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Part II
Psychological Issues
Below is a picture of the Power and Control Model that applies to Catcalling, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Assaults, Sexual Violence, Rape, and even Arson.
This chart is based on the Ontario Women’s Directorate resource, “Developing a Response to Sexual Violence: A Resource Guide for Ontario’s Colleges and Universities”
The emotional responses from the receivers of such offenses include but not limited to are: fear, physical uncomfortable tension, increase in perspiration and respiration (causes anxiety), impotence, anger, frustration, contempt, disgust, misplaced embarrassment and shame.
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Public Issues and Awareness
Check out these sources on the statistics of Catcalling and the issues of the offence:
International studies show between 70 to 99 percent of women face the behaviour at some point in their lives.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/16/catcalling-signs-new-york-city_n_7073864.html
40 Academic and Community Studies
http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/statistics-academic-studies/#two
Informal Online Studies and The Different Methods of Catcalling
http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/sshstudies/
A Man reveals the Harsh Truth: What Catcalling really means
http://www.yourtango.com/2014224361/love-dating-sexual-harassment-catcalling-really-means
“One report (that took a sample of 12,300 women between 1994 and 2000) found 80 per cent of women 18 and over said they had experienced harassment by male strangers in public, and these experiences had a large impact on their views of public safety,… Other studies have shown over 99 per cent of women have felt some type of street harassment by strangers in public in their lifetime.” http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/04/21/anticatcalling-video-fail_n_7109638.html
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Preventable Measures
Practice. Learn. Reflect. Improve. Develop. And Evolve.
Social Competence, Communication/Social/People/Presentation/Interpersonal/Intercultural, Emotional and Social Intelligence Skills
Consent is the voluntary and explicit agreement to engage in the sexual activity in question.
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Regardless of one’s background, if you find somebody attractively intimidating where you have social anxiety, xenophobia, do NOT disrespect them. Please seek help regarding your fears by contacting your physician whom can refer you to a specialist and seek options (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Emotional Freedom Technique – Tapping, and Exposure Therapy. Also, there are options to seek a pick up artist, dating coach, relationship coach, or a life coach that can help you increase your success in relationships by giving you the mental and practical skills to transform yourself.
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Consent is…
- Required EVERY Time
- Means an understandable exchange of affirmative words
- Is voluntary and explicit agreement to engage in the sexual activity in question
- Enthusiastic
- Direct and affirmative
- Asked at every step
- Mutually agreed upon
- Can be withdrawn at any time
Consent is the voluntary and explicit agreement to engage in the sexual activity in question. It’s the act of willingly agreeing to engage in specific sexual behavior, and requires that a person is able to freely choose between two options: yes or no. this means that there must be an understandable exchange of affirmative words, which indicates a willingness to participate in mutually agreed upon sexual activity.
Consent is NOT…
- Unclear or implied
- Coerced
- Based on dress
- Possible if intoxicated
- Possible if under-age/power relationship
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Intervention Programs
The Bystander Intervention Program
- Teaches bystanders how to safely intervene in instances where an incident may be occurring or where there may be risk.
- Training Methods: In-depth discussion of issues and role-playing of common violence scenarios
- Participants come to understand how they play a part in proactively preventing, sexual and relationship violence.
- How they can help survivors get the help and support they need.
- How they can contribute to the creation of location climate that reflects a commitment to safety for all.
The RAD Training
- Rape. Aggression. Defense. Course
- It’s basic self-defense training offered to all women and all men
- Education involving: practical blend of threat avoidance strategies
- Real world assault resistance tactics for women and men
In conclusion, treat others the way you want to be treated. Be mindful and respectful of each other. Hold yourself and others accountable for each other’s actions. Integrity is doing the right thing even when nobody else is looking.
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Photo: Getty Images
If only one in ten rapes is reported, how do we know about the other nine? That needs some support other than simple assertion by third parties.
And what of the rapes not even reported to the third parties? Do they magically not happen because we don’t know about them?
John,
Very good questions. Unreported cases become unknown or sometimes reported cases become cold.
A cold case is where the case goes unsolved for 2 or more years. Many do happen even if we don’t know about them. A lot of victims and survivors may NOT report nor seek help due to feeling judged while being really really vulnerable and treated with even more harm through victim-shaming.
Richard,
That’s a very good question. Unfortunately, sexual assault cases are very hard to prove. We don’t know about the other nine until the victims/survivors come forward and word gets out of such cases.
Myth: Men can’t be victims of sexual violence. Myth: Women can’t be perpetrators of sexual violence. Maybe Myth: The majority of sexual violence is perpetrated by men against women. Although I’m pretty sure that this can be said for a plurality. I highly doubt that once we include all sexual violence it is a majority although there is enough variance / lack of reporting that I can’t rule it out. In some circumstances men are victimized more frequently than women and are victimized by women more frequently (prison rape, the dissemination of intimate pictures), but we’d also have to either… Read more »
I concur with “I have serious doubts when people make premises like the majority of sexual violence is perpetrated by X against Y.” What I typed out in this article is based on the research that I found.
This interview [click the YouTube link provided] and MoviezGames’ comment shows that as Men, we have our own problems. We don’t have it better. Women don’t have it better. We’re ALL HUMAN. We each need to treat each other with respect, love, morals, ethics, and kindness, compassion, sympathy, and empathy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip7kP_dd6LU&feature=youtu.be&t=9m24s
Hi Luke
“Consent is NOT…”
Are we supposed to follow rules like these in marriage?
Can we talk about ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT in marriage or when a couple live together(cohabitate )?
Do men here agree that it is abuse to pressure someone for sex in a committed romantic relationship?
And when is it pressure and when it is just frequent initiation knowing the other most likely will say no?
Silke Another question is where does compromise come in. There was the comment from a woman on another discussion here. She spoke about giving her boyfriend a blow job when she was busy as just something you do for the person you love. She said 10 (or maybe it was 5) minutes and he’s happy and you’re off doing what you need to do. I don’t think that was rape. I don’t think it was coerced and I don’t think it was enthusiastic, but I think it was consensual. Can we willingly do things for others and not feel enthusiastic… Read more »
John.
What you’re discussing in those contexts involves consent with compromise.
That was on purpose. It was to show that consent is still legitimate even when it’s not enthusiastic sometimes maybe when it’s not even liked. How much coercion is necessary to negate free will is what I believe the underlying question is here? We also may have an issue of competing interests. Let’s say that a guy tells his girl friend that refusing to do anal is a deal breaker for him. She doesn’t want to, but feels that losing him would be worse. That might be coercive in a sense because there is a consequence to her refusal (ie… Read more »
Hey John,
Great Questions and Good Analogies. Compromise is part of any social dynamic and relationships. Genuine Consent is a VERBAL YES with Enthusiasm. Without the requirements of what Consent is, that can be a reluctant yes which is NOT sincere. Giving the receiver two negative options and a choice between doing what he or she doesn’t want to over something resulting in terrible outcome is by definition involuntary.
John The girl that gave a blowjob ,was not raped. Still I am not so sure she was smart. If she planned to live with this man for the rest of her life,and wanted keep her sexual desires alive and burning hot, for him over the years to come. I mean, we often hear of couples where one complain after a time that the spouse (or partner )has lost their libido and no longer show any interest in making love. Do we have any research on the long term effect,these kind of sexual compromises have on a person’s desire for… Read more »
Silke
Good questions. I don’t know the answers. I think it comes down to disconnecting sex from emotion. Is it healthy in a relationship? I have serious doubts. Prostitutes probably disassociate their emotions from sex. I don’t think it would be a good thing.
I totally agree with John on this. It usually involves lack of intimacy, passion, disconnecting sexuality, feelings, and emotions which is unhealthy wholeheartedly.
True.
Thanks for doing the important work you do Luke.
Silke,
Thanks for commenting and asking such good questions! 🙂
Thank You for the compliment, much appreciate it.
I have now read John’s comment and I will change my question into
” do men and women here agree that it is abuse to pressure someone for sex in committed romantic relationships ,or marriage?”
I fully agree with John,that this issue is equally important for both men and women, children and adults.
Hi Silke,
These rules apply to all relationships whether it be romantic, sexual, short or long term relationships, cohabitation, common law, or marriage.
I agree that it can be abuse to pressure someone for sex in a committed romantic relationship.
It’s pressure after one clearly says NO and abuse when it involves any of the categories from the Power and Control Model.
It’s frequent iniation when there’s no abuse, force, involuntary action to do something or anything.