What Grindr Taught Me About Being A Man

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About Trevor Ellestad

Trevor Ellestad keeps a tidy home and spends his time Online Marketing in Vancouver, BC. Trevor also likes to surround himself with plants and obsess over the seemingly simple lives of cats and robots. You can follow him on Twitter @trevorellestad.


  1. Nathan Hudon says:

    This speaks to my own experience… With Grindr. However, I’ve had a completely different experience on the ‘other’ gay app, scruff. I’m not sure if it allures a different kind of crowd, the general demographic difference creating s different environment, or if it’s the app’s richer profiles that allows for more voice initially… Whatever it is, scruff has been a wealth for dating & creating friendships. And among my gay circles, anyway, I never feel shame admitting that I met so-and-so of scruff, it seems somehow more socially acceptable. Grindr automatically conjures images of hookup-made-friendship.

    • Nathan!

      Thanks. I really appreciate it. I’ve wondered about that before — sub-cultures within the whole environment. I’m working through the shame for sure, and just realizing that this is a big part of our world now.

  2. Trevor, this is quite possibly one of the most beautifully written things I’ve read in a long while. Relatable despite the fact that I am neither gay nor male. Heartwarming. I think a lot of us have felt that way in one situation or another. Something’s off. I don’t quite fit. Is it just me?

    Your conclusion speaks of concepts we all need to find within ourselves. Forgiveness, and acceptance.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    • Rei,
      Thanks. I think there’s something in these thoughts hat many of us are able to relate to. I am so very very glad that you were able to find something in here of value to you. I think if we could all be a little more authentic and honest with ourselves, the world would surely be a better place.
      I hope everything in your world is wonderful!

  3. Michael Croteau says:

    Thank you for verbalizing something I’ve felt for a very long time.

    • Your welcome Michael,
      The best part about expressing these thoughts has been realizing how many of us share these feelings and don’t necessarily talk about them.

  4. Absolutely amazing.

  5. Great piece! While I think apps like this are great for those who are not out, shy or live in places where it’s not as socially acceptable to be homosexual, I do agree that men tend to act before they feel. It’s refreshing to know I’m not the only one who thinks this way. Thank you for writing this piece.

    • You raise a really good point, TMac. Its often easy to forget that being open is not always an option. Thanks for bringing this up :) And much gratitude for the kind words.

  6. i’ve written that exact same article in my head many times.. but never quite so perfectly. Well done!!

    • Stephen,
      I’ve realized that many of us have written it in our heads many times. That has been a wonderful gift indeed. Thanks for your kind words!

  7. Kalo Belcham says:

    Great article Trevor ! Thought I was alone on my own island, till I read this.

    • It seems that none of us are ever completely alone. This has certainly been a learning experience for me too, as I connect with so many other people who feel the same way.

  8. Trevor, thank you for sharing this — there is so much truth in it. I’ve always felt a little bit like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, even before the advent of all of these location based apps. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one out there, especially if being square is the authentic me.

    • Randy,

      Since writing this I’ve discovered many square pegs! It’s definitely nice to know that we are in good company :) There’s hope for us! Haha.


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