Nick Maviglia asks what adulthood means for twentysomethings in a post-baby boomer world.
It’s hard to pinpoint that exact moment when we as a society began to notice that the age bracket between twenty and thirty was some sort of weird existential quagmire that sucks in teenagers and spits out maladjusted man-children. Whenever it was, I think easy enough to recognize the phenomenon now. Young people including myself are increasingly forsaking serious commitment to anything, whether it’s marriage, a job or a house. We’re perpetually stuck in our parents’ basement because we cannot or do not want to find a job. In short, we seem to be passing up or passing by every serious age milestone that defined a person’s emergence into adulthood for past generations.
I don’t think it should surprise anyone that this change has come about. The world has completely transformed from the one the baby boomers grew up in. It went through a cold war, the death of God, the legalization and normalization of abortion and the development of contraception, the end of job security and the rise of awesomely pernicious existential threats including global warming, the proliferation of nuclear weapons and the rise of global terrorism.
These changes negated, destroyed and made the world our grandparents and parents knew impossible. In the span of a few decades we lost the proscribed meaning to life and predetermined social roles that organized religion so benevolently provided us every Saturday or Sunday. The shotgun weddings that had instantly thrust so many people into adulthood have been made archaic with the rise of contraception. Finally, we’ve grown into a society that has most of the wealth concentrated in the bank accounts of baby bombers who are also consuming an ever greater portion of resources as they age.
Still, without regard to the changing circumstance of society, we 20-something are constantly asked—even berated—with prodding questions from our parents like “When will you grow up?” or its synonyms “Found a job?”, “When are you moving out?” or “When are you to getting married?” I never seem to have an answer to these questions when asked, but I don’t think I can be faulted for this: so many of these things are simply outside of my control. For instance, I couldn’t compel my girlfriend through threat of legal or social sanction to keep our child and instead get married, and I can’t move out with a minimum wage “McJob” (the sole type of employment opportunity that seems to exist for someone with a degree in the humanities).
These questions use to bother me, and not being able to answer them bothered me even more. I asked myself why I hadn’t moved out, why I didn’t have a job that promised a pension and the possibility of career advancement, and why I never considered “settling down” with any of my girlfriends. However, the more I reflected on these troublesome questions the more I realize that I shouldn’t have to answer them. I’ve been born into an age where I don’t have get married to have sex, I don’t have to fight a war and I don’t have to farm in order to not starve. Why should I have to answer questions and conform to a standard that reflected the realities of a past epoch?
So what then are the standards which we 20-somethings should live by and what demarcates a child from an adult in the 21st century? Well, my generation has been presented with an immense opportunity to reset the standard for what it means to be an adult. We’re no longer born into a world that hands us a life plan complete with life milestones and some deep metaphysical sense of meaning and purpose. It is entirely up to us to figure out a meaningful existence, to live ethically and to become responsible and autonomous individuals.
I think the first time I realized both the opportunity and gravity that comes with being born in this age was at a Vagina Monologues performance in which a friend of mine was taking part. I remember sitting in the audience watching this fantastic performance and realizing that people my age were capable of doing some really cool, interesting and exceptional things. Each cast member had come together of their own accord to challenge themselves as individuals and create something. I realized then that being a 20-something in the 21st century isn’t an excuse to avoid responsibility and challenge but to find it and test yourself against it.
Photo credit: Flickr / VSF Digital Design
The author seems to have internalized all that was written in the “man up” articles which suddenly flooded the mainstream media. The 20-something people are stuck in their parents’ basement because the present economic situation does not afford them a job with decent pay, enabling them to take any big responsibility. Most of them are not irresponsible but are waiting for right opportunity. Moreover, not taking a heavy burden of responsibility which one cannot bear is also a responsible decision. If you choose not to choose, then still you have made a choice.
I thought he made that point pretty well:
“I never seem to have an answer to these questions when asked, but I don’t think I can be faulted for this: so many of these things are simply outside of my control. For instance, I couldn’t compel my girlfriend through threat of legal or social sanction to keep our child and instead get married, and I can’t move out with a minimum wage “McJob” (the sole type of employment opportunity that seems to exist for someone with a degree in the humanities).”
The author contradicts himself many times. Though he admits that some of the factors are not under his control but goes on to say that “it is entirely up to us to figure out a meaningful existence, to live ethically and to become responsible and autonomous individuals.” If he cannot earn a decent living how can he become responsible and autonomous individual. Again he states that “the 21st century isn’t an excuse to avoid responsibility and challenge but to find it and test yourself against it.” It implies that people of his age group are not responsible and are making excuses.
” If he cannot earn a decent living how can he become responsible and autonomous individual.”
Why do I have to be “responsible” and what the fuck does autonomy even mean. I for one don’t want to be responsible and I will never be autonomous.
I don’t do my own laundry and I hope never to do it. I don’t cook my food. I rarely clean. I live with my parents. I have a very good job and have had the ability to move out for a long time now. I have a large amount saved which I could use as a down payment on an apartment but I WON’T. My last girlfriend wanted to get married, I didn’t. And I still play video games.
And challenges….I learned that lesson extremely well (thank you EngSci)….I avoid them like the plague that they are.
I am not responsible in any sense of the term. Perhaps not an adult according to your definition. Not independent and not autonomous.
But I like my situation just fine, I am happy, secure and enjoying life.
Autonomous means to be self sufficient and an individual. So you’d like to live with your parents for the rest of your life?
“Autonomous means to be self sufficient and an individual. So you’d like to live with your parents for the rest of your life?”
Sure unless I have a good reason not to. I certaintly won’t move out of my parents place for arbitrary reasons like the need to be autonomous.
BTW, your definition is problematic. Nobody is self sufficient. Who grows their own food and everything else they consume?
As for being an individual…what’s the point?
What rapses says is pretty true. This is the worst time to try to find the job since when my grandmother was a child, it is increasingly difficult to “own” a home (and let us remember, if you miss a payment and someone can kick you out of where you live, you do not own it), and the oft-repeated but rarely analyzed promise of “go to college, get a good job” is exposed for the false assumption it actually is.
This is all made worse by the narrative spun in the media, which ignores the absurdly high unemployment rate and simply calls into question the maturity of a 22 year old, fresh out of college, who cannot find a job that offers any promise of advancement. There are plenty of service industry jobs out there, I imagine, but this does not help someone who took on $50k in debt to go to college on the promise of higher earnings.
Exactly. Adulthood’s only real criterion (for men OR women, by the way) is self-sufficiency and the taking of responsibility for one’s own life.
Ideally, that would include a steady job and the ability to live on your own and pay your own bills, but at least part of that is up to the economy, not the individual.
As for marriage? and KIDS? Hah! No sane man in the U.S. would even consider either of those as relevant criteria of adulthood, no matter what relationships he personally may choose to enter into.
As a twenty something, I only just recently got a job in the service industry. Waitressing. I took a more “responsible” route and went to a community college. I still went into debt. $300 a class, not including books, is incredibly cheap compared to the tuition of other schools, but that $300 is a lot of money. Most people can’t just work their way through college anymore. Trying to get an associate’s degree in two years (as the programs are supposed to be) often requires taking four or five courses a semester. Most people don’t have the time to dedicate to five courses (many of which come with a heavy workload, taking up to 2 hours of homework per class) and work enough hours in a day to make ends meet. This means that a lot of people going to school are doing so part time, and that means getting a degree in four or five years instead of two. This was my experiences going to a two year school. I haven’t gone on to get my Bachelor’s degree because I don’t have the money to do so.
Will be able to afford a house, marriage, kids? I really doubt it.
*I
Damn the inability to edit posts!
@ Copyleft
For people who’ve based a person’s hardship on just not working hard enough, it’s difficult to them to see that there are things simply out of your control.
What i’ve learned through out the years is that some people don’t have a problem with proclaimed standards of living being shoved down someone’s throat if they’re the ones doing it.
Adulthood’s only real criterion (for men OR women, by the way) is self-sufficiency and the taking of responsibility for one’s own life.
I would separate these two. One can take responsibility for one’s own life without being self-sufficient.
In fact, virtually no adult is actually self-sufficient. To start with most adults depend on someone else for their source of income, such as by working for an employer. Most of those who don’t work for an employer depend on customers and/or taxpayers for their source of income. Even Warren Buffett begged for and benefited from taxpayer bailouts to maintain his income.
I have an acquaintance here in Montana who fancies himself to be “self-sufficient”. He owns his own house on his own land with his own goats and chickens and garden up off by himself in the mountains in rural Montana. What he seems to overlook is that he didn’t build his house by himself, let alone purchase, let alone transport, let alone manufacture all the materials he built it with by himself. He raises much of his own food, which is great, but he still shops at the grocery store for things like sugar, goes to the bar for a drink, and occasionally eats in restaurants. He relies on countless other people for his communication, transportation, entertainment and so on. He did not build his truck himself, manufacture his own cell phone and launch his own satellites into orbit, or produce his own television and movies, stereo and music.
Even most of the more reclusive among us are to some degree dependent on other people for their chosen lifestyle. That we are not self-sufficient does not make us not adults. In fact, I would say that one possible criterion for being an adult is functionality in relating to others, such as being able to treat other people we interact with justly and compassionately while ensuring that we are treated likewise.
That distinction made, I think it is up to people today to figure out how to take responsibility for their lives, even if they aren’t as independent as they would like to be. Giving some consideration to and learning about the many uses of the term “cooperative” is a good place to start.
That’s a fair point. I meant self-sufficiency in the sense of taking responsibility for one’s own life and the consequences of their actions. Not pure isolationism; obviously, we’re all inter-dependent.
+1