Josh Magill shares his admiration for the man he calls Dad–who taught him the true meaning of being a man–someone that didn’t have to be his Dad, but did so with vigor.
Most of us have some sort of “sob story” we can tell people about our lives. You know the story I’m talking about the one that sparked character in your life, the story that made you who you are. Sometimes those life stories don’t have happy endings … but mine does.
My story, in short, would be how my biological father and my mother divorced when I was just 4 years old. I remember leaving with my mother and younger sister, and knowing I was scared, but what could I do? There have been many different—contradicting—versions told to me about that time, but what matters is that the strong male figure in my life was gone. I was basically alone with two girls and nobody to teach me how to be a man, to teach me how hard that can often be sometimes. There was my maternal grandfather, who we went to live with, but it somehow wasn’t the same because he was consoling and protecting at that time because of the divorce. He was also older and tired, having raised seven children of his own. He became my friend, someone I could trust, and someone that let me know men were not so bad.
At 25 years old, my mother probably had no idea how she was going to make a living and raise two children by herself. But she was strong and knew she was tough enough to make a life that we could look back upon fondly. During this time, she met an old friend she had known since her childhood days, they hit it off romantically, and he loved her and us kids more than he did himself.
His name is Joe.
Four months after my fifth birthday, my mother and Joe had a wedding. Yep, they got married, and my mother was happy again. We became a family and even added my younger brother to the mix.
Life was good.
I tell you all this because Joe became my Dad. You always have your “father,” whose name is on your birth certificate, but a “Dad” is different. A Dad teaches you about life, love and family. He tells you about fairness, shows you the value of a dollar and the satisfaction of hard work. A DAD teaches you to respect women and the elderly. He will always be there for you no matter where you are or what you’ve done.
Joe did that for me.
When I was 17, my younger sister and I once again clung to our mother at a time when fatherhood had become the top issue in our lives. We stood before a judge and made the decision to become adopted children to Joe. What better way to tell our Dad we love him, respect him and are so appreciative of his loving care for us when we had no stable father figure?
I know one way!
The most beautiful way to show one’s dad you respect him is to honor his teachings and put forth the effort in your own life that your Dad did in his life. My Dad is a respectable man of his word, who cherishes and provides for his family and someone who will always help others before himself. I love my Dad and want to show him that I did listen as a young boy.
Three times, I was given the amazing news that I was going to be the father, and I felt the heavy burdens and pressures of such an opportunity. But as I pondered the future, I remembered the past. I knew I must become more than a father to my children. I needed to be a Dad. I needed to be the one that steered them in the right direction when they didn’t want to be told, but someone that knew when to let them learn from their mistakes and grow. I needed to be someone that could talk to them about the important things in life, though it may be an uncomfortable conversation. I needed to be the example that Joe was—and still is—for me.
Joe has been a great role model during my life of what a Dad should be, and I hope that I’ve been half the Dad he is to me. If so, then I’m doing just fine.
Family and parenthood have become unimportant issues to today’s society. That is wrong and must change. Many today don’t communicate with family or plan to have a family of their own. That is a shame. Examples of great people are all around us. Sometimes they are people we know very well but don’t understand or recognize their greatness. The people who will and should always love you more than anyone else is family. Parents should be willing to put their lives on the line for their children. My children are everything to me and I would do anything for them and their beautiful mother. I can only imagine what the character and love would be like inside a man that unselfishly becomes a Dad to two young children that were not his.
Thinking about my Dad, I may not remember how to fix a lawn mower or the best way to build a shed, but I do believe I can do a good job as a father because of his wonderful example.
Parents—Mom and Dad—should be the greatest examples we have. Thanks Joe … Dad … for being my everlasting example of a great man and Dad.
Happy Father’s Day!!
© 2013 Josh Magill
Originally published on The Magill Review
To mirror what you said, and BTW thank you for sharing this …. My 27 year old son gave me a handwritten card which said, “Hard work, caring, giving and love. You taught me the true meaning of these. I often think of those tough lessons that went along with these words. Thank you! I Love you!”
Dads, all shapes and sizes, make a difference in our kids lives. I’m thankful that I’m still around n(alive) to see that I did good.
Thanks again for sharing.
That is very true, Tom. My kids are still young so I am excited to see what they are like as adults, but that can wait a bit.