31 Reasons Why Men Don’t Cheat

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  1. You should only marry the best fit for you. When you do, cheating is always a step down. Why settle for less?

  2. Abu Muhammad says:

    I don’t commit adultery against my wife because I hope for Allah’s Mercy and I fear His Anger and the Punishment that would come as a result of it, both in this world and in the hereafter.

    • So you are faithful because you fear the wrath of Allah, and not because you love your wife?

      Do you love your wife?

      • Md Nurul Amin Talukder says:

        Yes I love my wife and also love my sons.

      • I’m glad to see religious people speaking out on this.

        Traditional religion has some very good ideas about how to be faithful to your wife. If you’re married to all the women you have sex with, then it’s not cheating. That’s the “old school” way to stay faithful.

        • Anonymous says:

          The “Old School” way to stay faithful is marrying more than one woman so you don’t have to be bound to just one vagina? That’s selfishness and a non-interest in commitment disguised as “religion”. There is nothing holy about taking lots of spouses just so you don’t have to feel bad about not wanting to sexually commit to just one.

    • Not doing something simply because you fear divine retribution doesn’t make you a good person. It just means you have no personal self control and you need some imaginary entity keeping you in check.

      But whatever works I guess.

  3. Grannie Annie says:

    So men want to cheat, or would if it were super convenient they just don’t. To me there’s no difference in him thinking about cheating and actually cheating.

    • If we’re supposed to never be tempted, that what’s the point of making a solemn vow? If we assume there will never be any temptation, then there’s no need to take the vow in the first place.

  4. December 29, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    This is a reply to this article and to the article regarding why men don’t cheat.

    Marriage is a commitment, a promise, sacred and pure (supposed to be), symbol of unselfishness and faithful love. It is a partnership. It is beautiful. Marriage is not made for everyone and to try and find ways to twist it and make it work for everyone sickens me. Not everyone can be faithful in the mind and the heart. Not everyone could imagine being responsible for anyone other than themself. Marriage is just not for everyone.

    To even fathom considering having sex with a celebrity or anyone other than your spouse is suicide yo your marriage. There are many “Scarletts” and “Evas” in the world that may not hold as high a social status, but needless to say, strong, eye popping women are EVERYWHERE. And to even exploit your own marriage to say you’d consider an affair is wrong and entirely a selfish act.

    If someone is completely contributing to your unhappiness and constant misery that cannot be worked out, there are other options than affairs of any kind. Having an affair is not only cheating your marriage and beaking a promise, but it’s ruining yourself. It takes two people to have a marriage and it takes two people to break one. So your not happy in bed? Go to sex therapy for god sakes. Do whatever it takes for YOUR MARRIAGE before you ever believe straying is the way to fix your problem. Divorce is another option. But marital affairs are wrong. Point blank. Black and white wrong. So go ahead and try to justify your problems and needs that aren’t met. I can promise an affair is not going to fix it.

    • Thank you! That is exactly what I was saying! All of my friends keep posting this article like it’s something great! I’m sorry if my husband cheated (yes CHEATED) on me with a caleb it is still very much cheating and just as heart breaking.

  5. Marriage is a commitment, a promise, sacred and pure (supposed to be), symbol of unselfishness and faithful love. It is a partnership. It is beautiful. Marriage is not made for everyone and to try and find ways to twist it and make it work for everyone sickens me. Not everyone can be faithful in the mind and the heart. Not everyone could imagine being responsible for anyone other than themself. Marriage is just not for everyone.

    To even fathom considering having sex with a celebrity or anyone other than your spouse is suicide yo your marriage. There are many “Scarletts” and “Evas” in the world that may not hold as high a social status, but needless to say, strong, eye popping women are EVERYWHERE. And to even exploit your own marriage to say you’d consider an affair is wrong and entirely a selfish act.

    If someone is completely contributing to your unhappiness and constant misery that cannot be worked out, there are other options than affairs of any kind. Having an affair is not only cheating your marriage and beaking a promise, but it’s ruining yourself. It takes two people to have a marriage and it takes two people to break one. So your not happy in bed? Go to sex therapy for god sakes. Do whatever it takes for YOUR MARRIAGE before you ever believe straying is the way to fix your problem. Divorce is another option. But marital affairs are wrong. Point blank. Black and white wrong. So go ahead and try to justify your problems and needs that aren’t met. I can promise an affair is not going to fix it.

  6. Atalwin Pilon: I loved your honest response. I used to tell myself I stayed faithful to my marriage because it was the honorable thing to do. I made a commitment and I was a man of my word. It took me the longest time to realize I was confusing loyalty with cowardice.

  7. This is beautiful. The comments pushed me a mile in my healing from a husband who cheated multiple times and then blamed me. I loved him and so believed in him. It’s nice to hear the words of men who chose fidelity in the name of love. Thank you all so much!

  8. Good men need to put a ring on it! :)

  9. why i dont cheat on her? ….Cuz she makes me happy…..she satisfy every single need that i have…..cuz i miss her when shes not around, cuz of her a believe e in angels,she makes me laugh,she understands me…i get lost in her eyes when she looks at me. And i lover her when she smiles,when she cant wait more than half hr to call me and asked about my day and tell me that she misses me and loves me. i love her when she cant sleep if i dont cuddle with her,when she strokes my hair and kisses me,hugs me….she makes me feel like nothing else matters,she makes me feel in peace and that there is no big problem out there that we cant confront and resolve together,she makes my heart skip a bit…she completes me……why i dont cheat on her??? ….cuz there is no one else out there that compares to her.

  10. Jim Saunders says:

    I fell in love with a girl when we were both 23. We got married at 24, Our children are 28 and 31. I’ve never cheated because there has never been a reason, Love changes over the years and grows stronger as well. My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 42 years together.

  11. 1. My wife is the most beautiful woman alive.
    2. She has a Great sense of humor and makes me laugh
    3. I have 3 beautiful children.
    4. I didn’t get married to get divorced.

  12. Thomas farley says:

    I was faithful to my wife of 23yrs never wanted to cheat she was all I ever wanted but that was not her way of seeing life she worked hard an advanced in her career and came in contact with people with money and started lieing and texting and seeing other men behind my back she left me 8 months ago and I still will not brake my vows to her waiting on divorce till I even try to move on

    • You’re a good man Thomas. You deserve a woman that truly appreciate you.

    • I am sorry to hear of your situation. I am going through the same trauma and the pain is still fresh. Remember that you are not alone in your struggles and unfortunately there are other people like myself experiencing the same issue.

      But it will get better. Ultimately, time heals all wounds. Good luck with your recovery. I sincerely wish you all the very best.

  13. So it’s titled 31 reasons why men don’t cheat. Then you scroll down and read and this is in the actual post “My wife is not sexually possessive of me in the least. I have told her many of my sex fantasies, even the most idiotic ones. If Eva Green or Scarlett Johanson seduced me, enamored simply because of my looks or charm, demanded a one night stand of no-strings-attached sex in some swank hotel, the first person I would tell afterwards would be my wife. She would almost certainly celebrate this crazy experience and demand to know all the details. It would probably make her horny, and we’d have the best sex of our marriage. She’d announce it on Facebook, “Gint laid Scarlett!” No one would believe her. Scarlett would deny it”
    SERIOUSLY?!??! that made the list?! That does qualify as cheating?!? Because I’m pretty sure that it does.

    • Cheating is breaking a contract, breaking the rules of the game, etc. If the rules do not prohibit SEX with other women–in other words, if his contract with his wife is that his heart is faithful to her, but she doesn’t mind if he has sexual exploration with another woman, what rule has he broken? What contractual obligation has he not fulfilled? I feel the same way about my mate of the past 4 years. He’s gone off after his funny little relationships. Then he comes back. He’s very cute when he becomes infatuated with someone. It’s part of the deal, part of the contract. I have sex only with him because I find no other man sexy. He has sex and even heart-relationships with other women, but our friendship remains untouched by those things. No harm, no foul.

      • Anonymous says:

        How does it not hurt your feeling knowing the man that’s supposed to love you and only you loves another and who knows maybe one day hell like one of those girls more then you and stay with them not you. Be careful cause he doesnt love you if he’s having full on relationships with other people. When you love someone you stay faithfull to that person.

        • TheMalkavian says:

          Since when is love a limited resource? Last I checked, men and women with multiple children do not love them each less just because there’s more of them. They love them just as much as if there were only one. Love, like hate, is just a feeling that can be attributed in different degrees to many things. Just because you hate one thing more intensely than you can imagine, conversely, doesn’t mean you suddenly hate other things to a lesser degree. You still hate them as much as you did before. You just don’t happen to hate them as much as that one thing. Or two things. Or three things.

          Love is the exact same way. It’s entirely possible to love several things (people) with all your heart because love is unlimited. It’s not gold. It’s not food. You don’t “only have so much to go around”. It is created and destroyed freely as you find or lose reasons to love something. History is absolutely rife with examples of men and women who were in the predicament of “having to choose” (a false predicament facilitated by social constructs).

          If someone wants to love more than one person, no one has any right to say anything about it except for you and those you choose to love.

  14. This is very encouraging to read . I believe its far easier to cheat than to be faithful to one partner . Woman are equally to blame , they are also needy and fickle at times. Attention is far to much of an attractive offering for some of them then working out their lack of self esteem issues . I often get people talking with me about private matters , occupational hazard :) and hear it all the time. We have lost our connection , wife is paying more attention to the kids etc etc etc… every single excuse under the sun ! I use the word excuse because really even if its going on, is it irreversible ? These people all feel like everyone is doing it and this behavior “saves” their marriages . I have also given it a fair amount of thought myself and I honestly believe its the easy way out ! People who do this , often discredit themselves by this behavior . They stand to loose just as much ! Its a quick fix , the problem, gap or whatever it is , doesn’t just fly out the window after you are unfaithful and have sex with someone else . When did sex cure emotional problems or self esteem issues ( Long Term ) ….. It’s really just a short term fix and diversion from a situation which requires attention. I can only imagine how amazing it must be to be in a marriage where your partner is driven to respect “themselves” enough by honoring their word to themselves. Its not ONLY about their partner , what about self respect ?

  15. I it’s disturbing to think that “She’s beautiful and we still have great sex” is one of the most common reasons to not-cheat. It suggests the responsibility in not-cheating lies in the wife ensuring the husband is satisfied in every way. It gives an external locus of control. What happens when that satisfaction wobbles? Or your wife isn’t s “beautiful” as she once was? Or your sex life has become crap after 30 years, and probably can’t be sorted out to the extent you’d like?

    My wife is amazing, funny, beautiful! That’s why I don’t cheat! Well, er… well done you for implicitly making it ‘her fault’ if you cheat…

    • Jade: please remember that the word “beauty” can mean different things to different people. I think you are interpreting it to mean “sexually attractive”, which is a common definition of the word, and by no means wrong. However, the word can also refer to many things about a person that do not diminish over time, including aspects of their personality. Even when we talk about physical aspects of a person’s beauty, these are not necessarily all diminished by the passing of time, and some grow with time. Babies, right through to the very elderly, can all be beautiful, and valuing their beauty is one way of valuing them as a person.

  16. Joseph Garrett says:

    Cheating cost to much money. Im not going to take food out of my children’s mouth to feed someone else. I work to hard trying to keep mines together than letting go. If I was to cheat it would be because lack of support! As a man, we need the support of our mates in order for us to do great things. The lack of support will land a woman’s man in the arms of another woman..

  17. I have too much self-respect to cheat!

  18. I think cheating is selfish and believe if someone is in a relationship your are there for the other person and they are there for you and if you truly put them first why would you be cheating ? cheating makes no sense.

  19. I am a happily married woman. This is my second marriage. I was the cheater in my first marriage. Though I am not proud of that fact, I have learned since what love is. I give of myself in this relationship today. I don’t ever let him forget he is a man. Without loosing any self respect I give him his desires first and in turn my desires are met. He says all I have to do is love him, feed him, give him sex and he is a happy guy! I married this second time because I truly love my husband and I have no problem pleasing him. I am treated with the same love, admiration and respect. I don’t nag, poke his chest, or make him feel inadequate. I get the same respect. I treat my husband how I want to be treated. We both deserve that. Just wanted to put in my two cents. Thank you

  20. I am SO happy to have found this website, it gives me hope that there are still lots of amazing men out there. I had just read an article last night on Return of Kings, and the article itself was bad enough but the comments from all the men on there, made me really really depressed. Thank you for this blog!!

  21. Hannah Howard says:

    This is so annoying. I get the impulse, but it all comes back to framing it as a puritan struggle between faith (monogamy) and sin (infidelity). If a man is not monogamous, the worst thing you can do is encourage him to think of the right thing as learning to be monogamous. In fact, I’d go so far as to say its a form of reparative therapy. Look I get that we can make choices around the edge of our behavior, but I believe some people are in fact wired for polyamory, and there’s nothing wrong with that. the better thing is to encourage people to accept it and find ways to integrate it into their life in healthy ways. Among other things, the more comfortable someone is with the fact they aren’t monogamous, the more likely they are to be upfront with a potential partner, and avoid causing that person the pain of being with someone who can’t be monogamous.

    It is bizarre that this site is supposed to be for feminist men, but if you look at lesbian feminist and particularly queer communities polyamory is a fairly widespread and accepted practice in our communities, primarily because we have found ways to negotiate these issues with honesty and integrity toward the other person.

  22. No Man in Particular says:

    “Why men don’t cheat” is a trick question, and guys on this site keep falling for it over and over again. Think about it — why do men NEED a reason for not cheating? That suggests that there must be powerful reasons for cheating and men better have some damn good reasons for not doing it. That’s a pretty lousy view of men and commitment.

    My answer: I don’t need a reason not to cheat.

    If that answer isn’t enough for you, then you need to examine what your assumptions are about men and commitment.

  23. Answering this question is an admission of guilt. If you take the question seriously and give a heartfelt answer, then you’re just reinforcing the view of men as unfaithful. Imagine if I asked a young African American man to tell me why he doesn’t sell drugs. The question itself is rude and offensive and answering it is just giving energy to bigotry.

  24. Luvin A Lim says:

    Cheating is like a big hangover… you feel good while having a drink but the aftershocks can be painful.. thats why I dont’t smoke… nor drink until drunk… nor cheat…

  25. So the ‘marriage editor’ won’t cheat because his wife hasn’t given him a reason to, because Scarlett Johansson hasn’t asked, because he doesn’t have time, and because he’s afraid of those crazy malicious single black-mailers. His wife must sleep well at night, basking in the confidence of her husband’s commitment. Ah true love and loyalty.

    • I had the same reaction. The entire question is rigged to have no good answer. However a man answers this question will be problematic.

      Can you think of an answer to this question that would ever reassure anyone who has any critical thinking skills?

  26. wellokaythen says:

    The more I think about it, the more troubled I am by this approach. Men are asked to explain why they don’t cheat on their partners. They give encouraging answers, but there’s still something insulting about the question itself.

    Imagine if I sent out a questionnaire asking “why women don’t nag.” There’s no way I would consider asking such a thing, because that’s just a stupid, loaded, insulting question.

    This is basically saying, “you can expect men to cheat, just not ALL of them.”

  27. shane gerzon-kessler says:

    I cheated repeatedly on my first wife. I have never cheated on the 2nd. Within those lines. I know the exact reasons why men cheat and why they don’t. I thank God I found her.

  28. Ashley Untrauer says:

    What are some of the things that made you cheat? And what does the second one do for you that the first one didn’t?

  29. The reason I fell into a relationship with another man was due to lack of emotional intimacy. I received caring, compliments, sharing from a deeper level and affection. I Have been married 30 years. The most common statement I see women writing on blogs is ” I never thought I would do this “. My husband and I are working on our relationship. I woke up inside from going thru this for 2 years. I realized how much less I settled for in my marriage. I also am being truthful with myself on what I won’t live without.

  30. Ive been cheated on and it messed me up. I would never want some i let into my life feel that way. If i feel like i want someone else then we shouldnt be together. Call me old fashion but i respect women. I was raised better than to be a dog. My parents have been together 26years and still go on dates and are crazy about eachother. I think the way your dad treats your mom has a big part on how you treat the ladies.

  31. I feel this way when you ask a woman to marry you and she says yes, she gives up her name to take yours, she has your kids and her body suffers for it, she may even give up a career cause she will be busy taking care the kids. the way I see it she stands to give up the most in order to be with you, that is a hell of a sacrifice and at the very least to cheat on her is a disgrace to the family you create with her and the commitment she made to you, If you are married that is what you should think of first and foremost, what she has given up for you, otherwise don’t get married.

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  7. [...] "Here's a shocker. I love my wife enormously. I worry about her daily. My love for her as a whole human being is greater than my sexual needs."  [...]

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