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There’s a lot of talk about what makes men cheat.
Pat Robertson said, “I mean, he’s a man”, and the world seems to agree: Men cheat because they’re men.
But wait a minute… We here at The Good Men Project know a lot of guys who don’t cheat—guys who are committed to being faithful to their partners. And knowing all these good guys, we certainly do not support the notion that masculinity=infidelity.
And so, as a response to The Huffington Post’s “Why Do Men Cheat: 26 Reasons Guys Cheat, According to Men“, we offer you 31 reasons men do NOT cheat, from men and those who love them.
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First, GMP founder Tom Matlack explains why he doesn’t cheat:
I honestly think my wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet.
From Todd Mauldin, writer and Bluesman:
I don’t cheat for 3 reasons:
1. I really, really love my wife.
2. I respect myself too much to break my vows.
3. Cheating looks like way too much goddamn work.
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And here’s what we learned from our Twitter followers:
@GoodMenProject @iproposethis Infidelity is the cowards way. Besides, do you keep looking for your keys after you’ve found them?
— steve (@carlintweets) November 16, 2012
@iproposethis @goodmenproject Simple actually: when I make a promise… I keep it. My word means something to me. Honor is important. — Discerning D20 (@DivorcedD20) November 16, 2012
@lisahickey I don’t cheat cause I’ve got a good thing I don’t want to mess up
— Carl Menger (@comfortsailor) November 17, 2012
I don’t cheat because I never want to make a woman feel the way my mom did when dad cheated. @GoodMenProject @iproposethis — Jackie Summers (@jackfrombkln) November 17, 2012
@goodmenproject on the myth men are wired for infidelity it takes faith honor integrity and strong backbone and values to just say no
— Bruce Buccio (@SnglParents) November 16, 2012
@iproposethis Cheaters (1) aren’t in love (2) don’t know what love is/takes or (3) let love slip to a lower priority. I am. I know. I won’t. — Cameron Conaway (@CameronConaway) November 17, 2012
@GoodMenProject @iproposethis because cheating is cliche’, shows slavery 2 evolutionary instincts &Entering a contract w/ cheater is foolish
— Restorative Strain (@restorativestrn) November 16, 2012
@lisahickey …..because what I need is within me first (happiness) and my wife allows me be me — Adrian (@Ado_mack) November 17, 2012
@GoodMenProject @iproposethis Obvious answer- because I love my wife and family
— Scott Behson (@ScottBehson) November 16, 2012
@iproposethis Guys don’t cheat because they have self-control. The media tries to convince us that they don’t. — Melissa A. Fabello (@fyeahmfabello) November 17, 2012
@GoodMenProject @iproposethis Men are faithful and unfaithful. Women are faithful and unfaithful. I don’t see it as gender based at all.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free— Jessica Meddows (@JessicaMeddows) November 16, 2012
@GoodMenProject discipline and commitment. Anyone can cheat. It’s a choice. You either make the right or wrong one. — Christopher (@teesang) November 16, 2012
@lisahickey @iproposethis “Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?” -Paul Newman
— Christian S Anderson (@letstalkdating) November 17, 2012
@lisahickey @iproposethis My wife discovered 50 shades of grey when it was still 1 shade and not grey, 28 years and counting . . . 🙂 — kellykrei (@kellykrei) November 17, 2012
@lisahickey @iproposethis Some of us have self respect some of us are in love with the woman we have married and we dont want to hurt them
— Erich Kreppenhofer (@Trakhener) November 17, 2012
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@lisahickey @iproposethis b/c when we get married we make the commitment to put the other person first, always. Not when it’s convenient. — Jeff Andersen (@andersenjt) November 17, 2012
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Hey guys — all we hear in the media is why guys cheat. We’re doing a story on why guys DON’T cheat. Tweet me with answers! @iproposethis
— lisa hickey (@lisahickey) November 17, 2012
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And our Marriage Editor, Gint Aras offers us a number of reasons why:
1.) My wife doesn’t give me any reason. I have no interest in cheating on her. Whatever problem I might have, I’m aware, would only become worse, as I grew up in a house of infidelity.
My wife is not sexually possessive of me in the least. I have told her many of my sex fantasies, even the most idiotic ones. If Eva Green or Scarlett Johanson seduced me, enamored simply because of my looks or charm, demanded a one night stand of no-strings-attached sex in some swank hotel, the first person I would tell afterwards would be my wife. She would almost certainly celebrate this crazy experience and demand to know all the details. It would probably make her horny, and we’d have the best sex of our marriage. She’d announce it on Facebook, “Gint laid Scarlett!” No one would believe her. Scarlett would deny it.
(Scarlett and/or Eva, if you happen across this article and get turned on, please e-mail me. Discretion guaranteed.)
2.) My father cheated on my mother and I don’t want to “become him”. I have children of my own now. I know what damage it does to a kid’s self-esteem. It’s an act of extreme selfishness and disregard for a child’s need for security and trust.
3.) Here’s a shocker. I love my wife enormously. I worry about her daily. My love for her as a whole human being is greater than my sexual needs. I want my wife to have time to develop her musical career, and I don’t want her to feel that her primary role in the marriage is to fuss and fret over my every need, whatever it is. She gave birth to my children, and she does an amazing job raising them. Our little boy is still an infant, and the late nights exhaust her. The best gift I can often give is time for her to rest, and I feel I never give her enough.
4.) Let’s pretend I got so horny that I couldn’t handle it anymore and, rejected for the thousandth time by my wife, I found myself wanting a sex partner. Where the hell would I find one? I have two children and work daily. During my free time, I scramble to get writing done. What should I do? Ask women at work if they’re interested in an affair? That’s an inevitable cycle of rejections, and I get enough of that from querying agents and editors.
Even if the solution were an AdultFriendFinder account, I’d have no time to meet with this Adult Friend. And if I did meet with her, I’d probably be too exhausted for anything besides a quickie. Also, I would demand a clean bill of health, very recent notes from at least two doctors. Quite frankly, a Fleshlight is more attractive than this.
5.) I don’t find it empowering. Unless you find a married woman who must also hide the affair from her husband, you give away enormous leverage. A single woman, as we see again and again, can blackmail a married man, and if she has anything to gain financially, she’d be a fool not to. Now…a married woman who wants an affair? Really? With me? What a wackjob.
From Blogger and GMP contributor Atalwin Pilon:
I thought I did not cheat because it was the honorable thing to do but I learned that the other side is also true: I fear being a jerk, I fear losing love, I fear the shame and I fear the guilt. I used to think that my faithfulness was a cool thing but I now sometimes think that my inability to cheat is a weakness. I want to be faithful out of love, not because I simply dont have the courage to pick the forbidden fruit. But working on it.
Rip Wallace says:
Because it is the right thing to do. I know what it feels like to be cheated on and when I truly love someone their pain is my pain. I do not want to cause them any pain.
Shawn Peters adds:
I don’t cheat because even on the worst days, when our connection feels frayed and our rhythms are off and everything we say is abrasive and misconstrued, I know that even if there are some things I wish I could change… cheating would change everything, and that’s not what I want.
And finally, some wisdom from Michael Taylor:
The media generated perception is that men are incapable of being monogamous. The truth is that all men are capable of monogamy if they choose.
I choose to be monogamous because I took the time to discover the emotional and psychological issues that kept me from experiencing deep levels of intimacy with a woman. As a result of my “inner work” I am now able to experience deep levels of trust, intimacy and connection with my wife.
Nothing is more important to me than sharing my life with the woman who is absolutely perfect for me. Our relationship is perfect as a result of it’s imperfections and I love the emotional security that comes from knowing that my wife is deeply devoted to me and our marriage.
In answer to the question “why I don’t cheat” it’s really simple, I authentically love my wife and have developed a partnership that fulfills me in every way imaginable.
Contrary to popular belief I believe most men would like to have a loving, caring, rewarding and fulfilling relationship. Too many men simply aren’t willing to learn how to do so.
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Because I made a covenant with God and my wife, when I married her.
Men cheat because 1)the have no concept of self interest and do not have something to fulfil them 2) they are with a woman who is only interested in herself and what she expects from him 3) Anything else reverts back to the above two
#2 Sure, blame the victim. He should leave not cheat. There’s no excuse.
I’ll let you on to a secret.
There are only two types of married men.
Those you know who cheat on their wives, and those who are better at hiding it.
When the majority of men STOP cheating then I will support this movement.
It’s not a stereotype if it’s THE TRUTH people.
Men cheat. ALL OF THEM. Plus a whole lot of women.
I once heard a noted psychologist say “all communication is self-disclosure.” So I guess your “secret” is more of a personal philosophy than a public fact…
I belief some men cheat because they don’t get the compatibility that they need from their other half. Sometimes they belief that us girls should be capable of reading them like a book. But as humans we don’t have super powers like that. But I do know some men cheat as it help them with their ego and maybe some are fighting with hurt issue like some of us.
And by the way who says women don’t cheat….!!
The reason why man cheat no one can say precisely. I’m been married for 10year. Only recently. I hired an expert to get me Hus email password and social media even clown his phone that I can read his text and activities going on with his phone. I realise he has been cheating on me. The guy is a professional is all hcking. Data base. Emails social media . phone records and office records. All kind of activities you might need. Contact hackdemon4 (at) gmail.com. tell him Dorothy referee you.
The reason why man cheat no one can say precisely. I’m been married for 10year. Only recently. I hired an expert to get me Hus email password and social media even clown his phone that I can read his text and activities going on with his phone. I realise he has been cheating on me. The guy is a professional is all hcking. Data base. Emails social media . phone records and office records. All kind of activities you might need. Contact hackdemon4 @yahoo.com. tell him Dorothy referee you.
Sorry @gmail.com not yahoo
You hired an expert … z,,, there is something seriously wrong with you ….don’t you think????
Why don’t men cheat:
1. We don’t have the opportunity
2. The risks outweigh the attraction
3. We are heavily invested in our partners
According to a popular psychological model, that’s all there is to it!
Your list isn’t very convincing. I’d still question your ability to stay faithful.
They cheat because we made it ‘ok’ to do so. Because we agree and accept it as a given thing. Because we stopped pointing fingers at adultery and because we stopped making people feel ashamed of fucking around. If we were to protect humanity as much as we protect the financial system, I bet people would think twice before cheating or engaging into meaningless sex. Not many banks are being robbed, right? And if so, then everyone knows about it and the person stays in jail for quite a while… We punish people for hurting the financial system but we… Read more »
Irony of forcing morals people. Don’t let the bad things in life ruin your outlook on everything. If you do, then you’ve let those f$@;#!s win. You are worth more.
happy men simply don’t cheat
Many Good Honest Men like us will Never Cheat. But the real problem for us is finding a Good Woman that Doesn’t Cheat these days.
Thank you Michael Taylor. Thank you thank you thank you!! And Deiter. And YL……and others here that restore my hope!! If no one else tells you, which I know others do, but if they don’t tell you today, I totally appreciate what you’ve shared about who you are. If only…
It’s interesting that we say that only really ‘men cheat’. If that’s the case, who are they cheating with? I’m sure they’re not JUST cheating with single women or other men? I’m a woman and I cheat. I’m married. I’m also bored. Women get very bored with men very quickly. Most of my girlfriends cheat or have cheated too. It’s got nothing to do with lack of anything. It’s a personal thing. New men are exciting, particularly if they have a hotter body or bigger c*ck. it really can be that simple. Sex with a man you’ve been with for… Read more »
You are delusional honey and please stop speaking for most “women”
Thank you, Oreo! She makes all women appear cold,calculated, and seriously lacking imaginative bedroom skills. When your with the right person it never gets boring as long as you keep introducing new moves along the way. 1 yr or a hundred you’d never exhaust a good girl’s naughty imagination and lust.
“Surely we can grow up a little and let our partners have that?”
Funny. Growing up requires you to stay focus and delivering on your vows/promises. Dogs get distracted by squirrel.
I pray that I meet a man that doesn’t cheat and I would want the both of us to work on making each other happy and communicate with one another so we can keep our relationship strong.
Men cheat. End of story. Given the opportunity to and knowing they won’t get caught, they’ll cheat. Whether it’s pornography, soft porn via HBO shows, or strip clubs–it’s all a form of cheating. If it leads to fantasizing about sex with another individual, it’s cheating. Maybe not physical, but still cheating all the same. So don’t tell me men watch pornography so that they don’t cheat; that is cheating. As women, unfortunately, we’re just required to live with it cause it’s just in their nature. God forbid if the roles are reversed though…point is, men are always engaging in some… Read more »
That’s right Gray tell ‘ em
WoMen cheat. End of story. Given the opportunity to and knowing they won’t get caught, they’ll cheat. Whether it’s pornography, soft porn via HBO shows, or strip clubs–it’s all a form of cheating. If it leads to fantasizing about sex with another individual, it’s cheating. Maybe not physical, but still cheating all the same. So don’t tell me women watch pornography so that they don’t cheat; that is cheating. As men, unfortunately, we’re just required to live with it cause it’s just in their nature. God forbid if the roles are reversed though…point is, women are always engaging in some… Read more »
But why do they cheat (watch porn etc)? I have been led to believe that I should be okay with not having sex in a committed relationship because if I am loved by my spouse that should be enough. With stresses through the roof and self image issues and anxiety disorder and addiction issues that I have been working through for years with intermittent successes and failures I have found some peace but still nothing better than getting laid. What if my wife is not able to satisfy my even most basic desires because physical and/or emotional issues. I am… Read more »
Some men are stronger than others….but, men don’t cheat because they’re not presented with the opportunity, that’s all. EVERY MAN has his treshold. Some are just higher than the rest.
“men don’t cheat because they’re not presented with the opportunity….”
Feel better yet? Just because you can’t doesn’t mean you should insult or put down all men.
These are all great posts. Reading these reasons makes me feel good and they are inspirational. They are a bit simplistic though, and I wonder if anyone else feels the way I do about intimacy. Yes, the “I” word. I need only one thing from a woman – intimacy. If she pulls that away from me, toys with it, gives it to someone else, or even threatens to give it to someone else, then she is failing the most basic of all roles as a woman. She should be the sole provider of my romantic intimacy. Sex, trust, and respect… Read more »
Men also have a different idea about cheating, many women see pornography as cheating. Maybe not in the traditional sense but, most women who know that their men are looking at other women, especially in a fantasy setting, feel as if they were cheated on. It sets an impossible ideal that makes women feel shamed of their own features and sexuality. How many men still look at porn even though it is just a step away from cheating? Most, why? Because men can’t help but give into nature over self control and true commitment. Most men need to see other… Read more »
i dont cheat because i was simply fed up with my wife’s tantrum, psycho-style dominance, victimhood tantrums. There was not ever a peaceful day when she would not do her melodrama. I filed for divorce eight years ago. In india, if female wants divorce, there practically she will get it easily; but if husband wants divorce, and wife does not-then cases will just linger on for years and years. The court,police,media will always pamper wives side, even if they are at the fault in many cases. One friend of mine was arrested for Domestic Violence case, even though it was… Read more »
i dont cheat because i was simply fed up with my wife’s tantrum, psycho-style dominance, victimhood tantrums. There was not ever a peaceful day when she would not do her melodrama. I filed for divorce eight years ago. In india, if female wants divorce, there practically she will get it easily; but if husband wants divorce, and wife does not-then cases will just linger on for years and years. The court,police,media will always pamper wives side, even if they are at the fault in many cases. One friend of mine was arrested for Domestic Violence case, even though it was… Read more »
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this, you’ve made me feel a lot better about the whole topic of cheating, whereas i previously felt hopeless, as though it were inevitable even with the best man, now i feel as though its possible to love one person faithfully for a life time. Thank you.
I wish I had married one of these men instead of the selfish a**hole I wasted my time on. I did everything for him. Took care of him, his kids and his house while working a full time job, made sure he had everything he wanted, including frequent and adventurous sex (which he never seemed to complain about by the way), made him feel appreciated and did all the work to maintain the marriage. But it wasn’t enough. He still cheated and blamed it on me. I could say that lesson I learned is don’t be too good to your… Read more »
One word – INTEGRITY. The man in the mirror always knows.
Amen!
I got cheated on…I am trying to give him a second chance right now…but it is really damn hard. He does everything to show me that he loves me and that I mean a lot to him. He did not have an affair with one woman that lasted a long time, but slept with different women, just to have sex and boost his self esteem and have a good time (that is my opinion). There was no lack of sex in our relationship though. In your opinion (as a guy or girl), do you (honestly) think, that it can work… Read more »
Leave him. That was what I did. He would never change and it will get worse. Just because you have invested 6 years in bad “investment, it does not mean you will never find a good one. I was the same. I stayed married with a man with low self esteem. His way of boosting it was by eyeing lots of girls and slept with them when he was given chance. Then one day my eyes were opened and I left after 5 years of marriage. 8 years I stayed single and learning to appreciate and honouring myself. And now… Read more »
Here is the truth about several men I know- they think about cheating all the time- they ‘love’ their wives- for whatever that is worth ( they basally married the mother’s they wished they’d had ) and if they thought they could get away with it- they would cheat- but they worry too much about losing their ” dream mommies with their big checkbooks- yes- they wont’ give up the money- they know those women can get up and leave- and they would not have the lifestyle and identities those rich women give them
Why I would Never Consider Cheating on My Wife! 1. Because I realize the pain, the agony and the suffering that would be inflicted on me if my wife would have cheated. That pain, suffering and agony i dont want to go through, I don’t my wife to have experience through my ignorant actions either. Remember: don’t do to others, especially, your significant other, that which you don’t want to be done to you. 2. Because being a lousy and coward cheater, will ruin my integrity and human dignity. Betraying faithfulness and the trust of others myself, I am fully… Read more »
I satute you sir! I wish my man have the same mentality and perspectives in life.