The statistics are in. The millennials are leaving the church, and nobody seems quite sure what to do about it.
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I am one of them. Born in 1983, I belong to the wispy beginnings of the new generation. I turned 30 this year, and I’m raising two small boys. I hold within me both cynicism and hope. I left the church. I came back.
Here is what I can tell you about millennials: We grew up on easy answers, catchphrases and cliché, and if we’ve learned anything, it’s that things are almost always more complicated than that.
When I returned to church, it wasn’t because of great programs, alluring events or a really cool “café” set up in the foyer. I went back not because of what the church was doing, but rather in spite of it. I went back because I needed community, and because, thanks to a steady dose of medication and therapy, I was finally well enough to root through the cliché to find it.
But not all of us are there yet. For some of us, the clichés are still maddening and alienating. Recently, I asked my followers online for the five church clichés that they tend to hate the most. These were the top five responses:
“The Bible clearly says…”
We are the first generation to grow up in the age of information technology, and we have at our fingertips hundreds of commentaries, sermons, ideas, and books. We can engage with Biblical scholars on Facebook and Twitter, and it’s impossible not to see the way that their doctrines — rooted in the same Bible — differ and clash.
We’re acutely aware of the Bible’s intricacies. We know the Bible is clear about some things — but also that much is not clear. We know the words are weighted to a culture that we don’t completely understand and that the scholars will never all agree.
We want to hear our pastors approach these words with humility and reverence. Saying, “This is where study and prayer have led me, but I could be wrong,” does infinitely more to secure our trust than The Bible clearly says…
“God will never give you more than you can handle”
This paraphrased Mother Teresa quote has become so commonplace in Christian culture that I was shocked to learn that it wasn’t in the Bible.
Inherent in this phrase is the undertone that if life has become “more than you can handle,” then your faith must not be strong enough. We millennials may be a bit narcissistic, but we also know the weight of too much. We understand that we need help. Connections. Friendship. Sometimes therapy.
We know that life so often feels like entirely too much to handle. And we want to know that this is okay with you and with God.
“Love on” (e.g. “As youth group leaders, we’re just here to love on those kids.”
In addition to sounding just plain creepy, this phrase also has troubling implications. We may understand that we need help, but we certainly don’t want to be anyone’s project or ministry.
It may just be semantics, but being loved on feels very different than being simplyloved. The former connotes a sudden flash of contrived kindness; the latter is simpler…but deeper. It suggests that the relationship is the point, not the act of love itself.
And really, that’s what we’re looking for: relationship — that honest back and forth of giving and receiving love.
For more phrases that are scaring off Millenials, visit FaithStreet
In the end, it’s not really about what churches say or don’t say. What millennials want is to be seen. Understood. Loved. It’s what everyone wants, really. And for this generation of journeyers? Choosing honesty over cliché is a really great place to start.
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This article originally appeared on Faith Street.
Photo credit: John Carrel/flickr
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One of the ministries at my church is housing 6 homeless families, providing them with shelter, food, clothing, furniture and job training. That is 18-20 people who now have hope, food and a safe place to sleep. As part of our outreach to job seekers, I personally have taught job searching skills, resume writing and networking skills to over 100 unemployed people. Another ministry provides clothing, toiletries and toys to hundreds of poor and refugee families every year. Yet another ministry provides a meal and a warm bed to any homeless man who wants one on cold nights. Another provides… Read more »
CW, my parish mirrors yours in a lot of ways. Well stated CW
But Tom. They are better people than us because they joined an online boycott of Hobby Lobby and Chick Fila. 😉
CW, ya ever notice that after you and I as well as a couple others comment, things go dry? The crickets come out and …… there is silence? So goes the critical thinking?
it is not the more traditional, actively conservative churches that are losing members. it is the more liberal, worldly denominations that have been losing congregates. I see big full of people evangelical mega-churches everywhere, while denominations like presbyterian and espicopalian churches, which support liberal causes and views, are closing and losing members.
Speaking as a Millennial, I can tell you that the cliches used by church goers has little to do with it. Many people my age are wary of the rampant sexism and homophobia found throughout religion, and fed up with the utter hypocrisy of people who claim the moral high ground while doing nothing to better their fellow man. Add to that the ease with which we can now fact check the historical and scientific accuracy of Biblical tales, and it’s easy to see that much of it is, at best, greatly exaggerated, if not completely made up.
considering some of the articles you’ve written here that denigrate people who are different than you it is incredibly ironic that you call out the “utter hypocrisy of people who claim the moral high ground while doing nothing to better their fellow man”
Millennials – like many others – are leaving traditional churches in droves because they are offended by radical righty wing Bible thumpers and child abusers that created a very dark picture. Religious organizations have a serious image problem. I see al lot of people searching and engaging in very meaningful conversations about life and purpose, it only happens outside traditional religious boundaries. My hopes are high that the new pope will be able to change the narrative and help move it away from abortion and gay issues to social justice and humanity.
Either that or we realized it’s all bull crap.
If it were true that God never gives you more than you can handle, then there would be no suicides.
Amy, I think she did by addressing “the bible clearly says…” topic which can apply to any number of theological differences. Sexuality is probably the main offender where pastors often claim “the bible clearly says” when, if they’d done their research, they should know that it’s not all that clear.
Also, there are two more points over at FaithStreet that might make it even clearer. Our reprint deal was to lead people there to read a few more points.
But good point! We certainly agree with Kristie here!
Why didn’t you address the rampant homophobia and sexism in churches???
Simply because that isn’t what this article was about… each writer is allowed to discuss the content that he or she desires. This article was not about homophobia and sexism.
Did you even read the introductory paragraph?