12. Does love require monogamy? Is marriage a life-long commitment, or is it better thought of as an arrangement for a period of time?
Why: Divorce and cheating are both at all-time highs. Does that mean the institution of marriage is crumbling, or is it just being redefined as more open and more temporary?
My Take: Call me old-fashioned, but I actually believe there is value in a life-long commitment, one in which two people make and keep a pledge to each other to stay true to each other no matter what. Intimacy is pretty challenging. But at least in my experience, the only way to stay in is to give up on the exits and be willing to look in the mirror every day, since in the end, marriage requires seeing my own part in how to make it work as well as the things I do subtly to destroy that which I love.
—Photo Steve Punter/Flickr
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11. How important an issue is the rape and sexual abuse of adult men by women?
I know I’m a bit late but I just wanted to express how disappointed I am in how you tried to redirect that question into the usual “women have it worse” terriority that rape conversations are led to. Presuming that this question is verbatem of what was asked why even bother bringing up male against female rape when its not even in the original quesiton. You sound like you are more worried about making sure everyone knows women have it worse than making sure rape victims are taken seriously regardless of the characteristics of the victim or rapist.
So….six months later it turns out that just isn’t true. The fricking insane turns up in black and white as data on the gold standard report for sexual violence (the NISVS). The first time anyone bothers to ask, the answer turns out to be yes women rape men a hell of a lot. A HELL of a lot.
Even I was surprised it was so often.
Tom, how does this effect how you think about this stuff? Me, I have two statistics degrees and I love that stuff. I believe statistics and I can see a good one from a bad one. But I think for most people if the stat is so far outside their comfort zone it is like a magic trick at best, or just dismissed as a lie at worst.
I hope in ten years or so when they do another national sexual violence survey of this size and quality, they will delve into woman on man rape more and find out more about it, but this really is a genuinely good survey both in size and methodology.