The Sexiest 3 Words a Man Can Say to a Woman

sexiest 3 words a man can say photo by Sean Mcgrath

Bryan Reeves finds something deeply compelling about being with a woman who can take care of herself, and who enjoys allowing him to take care of her anyway.

—–

“I love you.” (nope)

“You look beautiful.” (nope)

“Let’s go shopping!” (depends how you say it, but still, no)

“How’s your mother?” (no, this will just make her suspicious of you)

Those are all nice to say, and many women want to hear them from their partner; they like to feel cherished. But none of those by themselves will necessarily have her soften all warm-putty-like into your hairy masculine arms.

The three sexiest words I’m referring to speak to primal forces within both men and women. An archetypal trip wire, these eight letters strung together can trigger a man’s spine to straighten and make a woman swoon.

I wish I could say I figured this one out by myself, but a lady friend had to point this out. Once she did, I looked back to my own intimate relationships and saw overwhelming evidence for her case everywhere.

We were having coffee when she started telling me about her new boyfriend. He was refined and kind, loving and intelligent. He was a creative artist, and an accomplished one at that. She felt him a good man and she was happy. Then she told me about the first morning they woke up together, and that’s when she really lit up during our conversation.

These words slid from his masculine mouth smooth as a river stone and strong as steel. She swooned. She relaxed. Under his sudden spell she felt herself completely protected and cherished by this man’s love.

She has a dog. Normally the dog gets her up early to go pee outside when she’s still in comatose denial of an outside world. On this particular morning, when the dog woke her up as usual, her new beau opened his eyes, looked at her and with nary a hesitation, issued the most magical three-word spell she could recall ever hearing from a man. She said these words slid from his masculine mouth smooth as a river stone and strong as steel (that’s my interpretation of what she said). She swooned. She relaxed. Under his sudden spell she felt herself completely protected and cherished by this man’s love.

“I got this.”

That’s what he said.

“I’m going to take on this uncomfortable mission-oriented task because that’s how I can best offer my masculine gift right now while honoring your delicious gift of feminine energy to my life. I will demonstrate my deep commitment to your care by ensuring you can stay warm under the covers and linger in this moment of blissful embodied reverie.”

He actually only said the first three words. That whole second paragraph is my rough translation as I believe my friend heard it.

But first he said it. And then he actually did it.

She was so impressed you’d think he bought her the Eiffel Tower. All he did was walk her dog.

♦◊♦

Next: “My understanding of sex…”

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About Bryan Reeves

A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan Reeves has survived multiple dark nights of the soul and done many stupid things that have taught him well. Bryan works with men, women and couples as a thriving relationship coach and teaches mindfulness to military vets. His book "The Sex, Flirting, Dating, Hunting & Hoping Diet" is now on Amazon. Connect with Bryan on facebook and at his website.

Comments

  1. Elizabeth Koch says:

    Maybe if my ex had said those three words to me more often and then backed them up with real action over the 22 years of our marriage, we might not have wound up bitterly divorced. I spent way too many years living in emotional insecurity because “I got this” seem to always fall onto my shoulders.

  2. NAILED IT. I am a strong, independent, career-oriented woman. Some might think I would be irritated with a man opening the door for me. Au contraire! There is nothing a man can do that is more romantic and sexy than make me feel taken care of.

  3. Michael says:

    And God said: “Let us make woman, as a ‘Helpmeet’ for Man” And it was so and Adam saw that it was good! Someone to cook and clean his fig leaves etc etc And you think ‘I got it!” is what God intended??? 🙂

  4. Speaking as a woman, while I do agree that “I got this” are three words that we love to hear, I would disagree about them being the forerunner.

    “Help me understand” might possibly be the three most important words any couple should know and use in their relationship, in my humble opinion.

  5. “Truth is, I’ve always wanted a woman who can take care of herself. Which seems healthy to me, actually.”

    Any relationship therapist would tell you that your absolutely right. The ones that are with you and *need* you to say “I got this” are the ones likely to a bandon you on 10 years.

    However, and I think this is your point, participating in each others lives and helping one another with the chores is essential. You have to find the balance between the two.

  6. Yeah it’s super sweet in the beginning when it’s coupled with brain chemicals. After years “I got this” can start to fall on dead ears.
    I did a lot of things like this for my ex and she’s still gone.

  7. The line just before the “magical” three words sounds just like Danielle Steele or Nora Roberts. Pure, classical schmaltz, just like a Harlequin series romance book.

  8. What happens when you do these kinds of gender role things and don’t get the same reciprocated behavior? For example, I do all of this stuff, but my girl barely does any of her gender role tasks for me. (atleast without me having to do a portion of it.) And no I don’t mean sex, I mean prepares and cooks a meal, where I don’t have to help her. Or cleans the house without me setting up a cleaning day for us. Or goes grocery shopping and doesnt over spend because she wanted junk food. I love her and will marry her, but how do I bring this up without making what little she does do, seem un-appreciated.

    • If the author touched on that, he wouldn’t get the social approval he is seeking from the women readers (who want to shed their roles while expecting men to continue theirs), and thirsty beta orbiters (too stupid to know they’re being manipulated). This is just another ‘man up’ article.

  9. I found the description of the author’s childhood to be interesting because I have found it to be true that men of previous generations have expected women to be both strong and subservient, and his description touches on that somewhat (the strong part and the expectation on the men part, not the subservient part!). They have been expected to “get” the kids, the house, sometimes the budget, the heath of the family in general, and last minute emergencies often without thanks or appreciation, and while their menfolk may often be relieved, they also often don’t even notice. For a man to say “I got this” it means he *believes* a woman’s time is as valuable as his own. I would argue that those gestures are *more* profound for the “little things” that anyone cloud do, or the things that need to be done all the time. I have often said that married men who want to have more sex should do more around the house because it frees up his partners time and energy and make his partner feel valued and cared for…which is a huge turn on!

    • I would think so too, but I read a study awhile back that said that marriages with more equitable split of household duties tend to have less sex.

  10. I like the sentiment in this article It’s always nice to do things for the people you love and it’s even more rewarding when they appreciate it and find it to be a great help. I’m a little concerned about the implication that this type of behaviour is rare in men, I would argue the exact opposite. Being gentle and supportive is one of the traits that define masculinity. Another qualm I have to mention about this article is that doing nice things for your loved ones is one of the beautiful things that make relationships successful, it is damaging to suggest that it’s something that men should do for women. It bothers me that some women expect this from men and I think its damaging to encourage that expectation it is an inequality that we need to be challenging in our society. Both members of the partnership should offer to support their love when ever they can, having expectations like this is just the kind of gender role that we need to be dismantling, it’s out of date and amounts to a severe lack of gender equality in our world.

    I have to say I also dislike the title of the website, it implies that men are bad and we need a project to help men to be good. the vast majority of men are good as the vast majority of people in general are good, lets try and stamp out all this male shaming shall we.

    Dan.

  11. You’ve hit the nail on the head, Bryan. This has been part of women’s culture for a long time, epitomized (albeit financially) in the famous scene from Sex and the City when Mr Big tells Carrie “I got it.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt6WIP-CGB4

    Fans of the show (women) adore the fact that Big can tell this really means something to Carrie, but what really makes us all fall for Big is the shoe closet scene:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n57AmaAD0Nk

    These characters are megga rich, but the analogy works the same for any situation where a guy identifies what’s important to a woman (shoes, in the case of Carrie Bradshaw!) and works out a way to help her have the thing that means so much to her, whether that’s visits with friends, a kitten, or time to write books.

    When you’re both busy and the discussion about who’ll make dinner comes up, there are few things nicer than a man saying “I got it,” and following through.

    Great article, Bryan!

  12. LMAO anyone else remember the line from the movie Tomcats…… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-kjaa2MrGI

  13. I was thinking the words were going to be “Let me help” and then actually helping, but “I got this” works equally as well. Nice article, Bryan. I think it holds true for all manner of relationships. I want my partner to take care of me and be helpful, just as much as I want to take care of and be helpful in return. I can do for myself just fine, but it’s so sweet and sexy when my partner steps up and offers to do it for me. 🙂

  14. Speaking as a woman, — we *do* tell you this all the time, men! You just haven’t been listening!

  15. But seriously, in filipino culture, one of the most romantic things you can say is “Huwag kang mag-alala. Akong bahala.” “Don’t worry, I got this.”

  16. But seriously, in filipino culture one of the most romantic things to say to a woman is “Huwag kang mag-alala. Akong bahala.” i.e. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

  17. When your woman doesn’t want to have sex, just grab your crotch and say “I got this.”

  18. Carolyn Curielli says:

    That was excellent!

  19. Good words via “masculine kindness” are often just promises and/or intended for motivating purposes. The sincere thoughts however are those that really count and consequential deeds are the best prove of intended sincerity. That “masculine kind man” could said those words “I got this” in anticipation that his G/F could answer with: No, I’ll do it may way!…Ok dear! If that man had real intentions, he should’ve analyzed given situations in his G/Fs place and, among other “kindnesses” he could have decided to get up early and take her dog for a walk or so. When she got up and attempt to take her dog outside, he should’ve told her the best 3 words (in my opinion): It is done!

  20. I just really want to know if the author is single………because this made my heart sing. I used to be in a relationship where everything was done for me, over top of me, without my input and I was treated as lesser than. This article empowers me and I feel like it also empowers the masculine. I want someone who wants to on occasion care for me in that specific way…..who CHOOSES to because it brings them JOY. Of course there are times when I am going to step up to the plate and care for my man too……..chances are I would automatically want to meet his deepest desires if he was treating me this way. So I guess now I want to know what are the three words men want to hear. One man in the comments said maybe it was “I trust you”. I think that’s beautiful.

  21. This jives with my relationship desires completely. I’m an educated, independent woman. I’m always strongs, always the caretaker, always the doer. I would love a man to share all of those roles with! “I got this” = YES

  22. Can’t you say it in a better way though? “I got this” is such a 20 yr old, thuggish way of communicating it.

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      Well, I’m 40 … and not a thug … and I said it, and it resonated … soooooo maybe that’s not quite a fair classification? 😉

  23. Tinu Abayomi-Paul says:

    I would agree with the article. It’s the small things in life that can make us happy. And when someone is willing to do those small things and take those small actions, quite often they are also the ones who will take the bigger, stronger actions when necessary.

    It’s not the act that is impressive. It’s not about the act. It’s about understanding each other’s needs.

    I like not being in charge sometimes. I like it when my partner will take rough things off my hands as often as I do this for him. There’s a line, not that fine, between knowing that I can do something for myself but taking it on when I don’t feel like it, versus assuming that I’m some fragile creature that can’t handle life without you.

    Personally I believe we need to be more trusting and accepting of each other in general.

  24. All he did was walk her dog…indeed!

    If I can read between the lines, he took the very real non-zero risk of making her an unwed mother, which is still a hardship for most women in that circumstance. What if he don’t got this? Nobody ever imagines they would get deserted in their hour of need…and yet…

    Ladies (and I include myself, speaking from some experience): we need to stop being so easily impressed. Actions speak louder than words.

  25. Hell yes!!

  26. This article hit home this evening. My then boyfriend was all about the “I got this” and it made me feel incredibly cherished. The fact that I could finally be vulnerable after doing everything myself was wonderful. It’s the little things, like checking your car out without being asked just because they want you to be safe. Maybe it was special because we didn’t live together. Unfortunately, it changes, maybe it’s because we’re married now and he doesn’t feel he needs to put in any effort. Or just clueless. I feel like I’m putting him out by asking him to help around the house. I can do this, but it would be better if it was us doing it as a couple.

  27. The problem is women don’t know wtf they want these days,so it really doesn’t matter what you say because it will be the wrong thing. The can take those words if they are in a bad mindset and think you are manipulating them.

    People need to love and respect themselves first, then and only then will a relationship work and last.

    To the author there is no magic words, or silver bullet.

    Peace,

    Robert

  28. I agree with you:sexiest. If only he said “I got this” when he didn’t want to “get this” where it would be a sacrifice not because she wants the sacrifice but she’s so emotionally tired that it best that he steps up. And he has to be ready to “get this again, and again, and again, and again…when he comes back dead tired from work, and again, when he wants to watch something on tv, and again,and again….staying power, perseverance…..that’s when it’s sexiest…it costs to “get this”!

  29. This is all I’ve ever wanted I’ve been in my own working taking care of myself since I was 19 I’m 25 now and I handle everything in my life. Though I’ve never been too proud to ask for help when I needed it very often if ever has there been anyone who actually offers to help. In fact I’ll get ridiculed for how i get stuff done with my lack of resources (ie: a car) before I’m offered a helping hand. My motto is if there is no one around to help I’ve gotta get done some how. So you can imagine when a guy comes along how often ‘I got this’. I don’t even wait to see what he does sometimes, even if he insists I’ve always got it. What I don’t understand is why later on when I ask his opinion on what he wants or needs he all of the sudden doesn’t have an opinion or thinks any opinion he has is wrong. I mean I’m not having if he wants to walk my dog but something that is for him and not for myself. I’ve even let guys know from the beginning it’ll take some time for me to warm up to it but that should stop him from having his own opinion right?

  30. Dude, you ARE WAY of the mark. Just say I love you to a woman, back her up and let her do what she does. You should have said the one word that should never be said to a woman you love. Still. Cause that makes her feels worse if she screwed up. Like, “I still love you”. Because she wondered if you did in the first place. That says more hurt than, I got it. Did she drop something or mess up in the first place? Think before you write. I told my wife this article and she was laughing at it.

  31. No woman in her right mind and whose about anything would want a man to do everything for them or constantly run around saying “I got this”. So you’re right in your feelings. But I have to admit that there is a certain heir of authority that comes with those words. Honestly, as I read the phrase I thought “Oh YESSSS!!! I LOVE a man who says it and then follows through.” Too often women end up with men who ain’t trying to get it or say they do but don’t. So that we have to pick up the pieces. Maybe it’s because of what you said about seeing your moms have and your dads not so much. That point alone certainly makes me think of my own son. I want him to be an “I got this” man and not leave women to fend for themselves. I honestly say that I’ve only met one man like this. It was truly the most incredible yet terrifying experience to me. Why? BC I’d never met a man like him. He was almost too good to be true!!! LOL I’m sure life would’ve looked very different for me if I’d ventured down life’s path with him. Buuuut I didn’t. So I’m happy to at least have had the experience and call him a friend.

    • FlyingKal says:

      Too often women end up with men who ain’t trying to get it or say they do but don’t. So that we have to pick up the pieces.

      Maybe they get tired of being told they’re not doing it the right way?

  32. You’ve got it all wrong, the 3 greatest words are “you’re right dear” LOL!!!!!

  33. Bryan, I have 1 question for you-
    Are you single? Cause I am so loving you right now!!
    You understand how important it is to convey that masculine strength and then stand in your own truth and call yourself
    “out” for not doing so….I am loving me some Bryan Reeves

  34. There’s some truth in this, for sure. The smallest, most insignificant acts mean so much. Putting the new toilet roll on the holder, putting the shopping away, making the bed. It’s actually very simple.

    • I live with 3 female relatives. Putting new roll of toilet paper and putting the seat down are second nature to me. I’ve been trained well :p

  35. And so would a woman drop to her knees and return the favor? All too often today women are willing to receive but when it comes time to show their appreciation it’s…. well, all too lacking. Men want to feel awesome too, they want to not have to do the annoying tings in life like waking up from a warm bed and walking YOUR dog. Why not talk about that? So sick of this women want their cake and eat it too society we live in today. Last but not least, ladies, please put some real effort into the oral and don’t fade off it once you get comfortable in the relationship. If you do the guy just knows you are a user and doing it to get what you want.

    • So do you drop to your knees every time she makes the dinner or cleans up or whatever? Guys in general don’t put enough effort into that either. Love is about caring for each other, not who gives the best head. It’s a damn shame that you see sex as a ‘reward’ for doing something for her, I personally see it as a sharing of love and desire and consider the ‘reward’ factor to be exploitative, especially when the traffic seems to be one way, and lets face it, its just no fun when it’s a chore.

    • If you guys would ever give oral sex to women at all maybe they would “put some real effort into the oral” for you, too. I mean, you guys won’t even get your face close to ours but want us to suck it for half an hour and deepthroat it so it hurts us and makes us feel like shit only to give you pleasure – pleasure, again, that you guys don’t give in return nearly as much. Be more realistic, “gentlemen”. So sick of this men want their cake and eat it too society we live in today (since forever).

  36. And so would a woman drop to her knees and return the favor? All too often today women are willing to receive but when it comes time to show their appreciation it’s…. well, all too lacking. Men want to feel awesome too, they want to not have to do the shitty things in life like waking up from a warm bed and walking YOUR dog. Why not talk about that? So sick of this women want their cake and eat it too society we live in today. Last but not least, ladies, please put some real effort into the BJ and don’t fade off it once you get comfortable in the relationship. If you do the guy just knows you are a user and doing it to get what you want.

    • Jerry
      I got this.. you hit the nail on the head…

    • Society is so shitty for men today, nowadays women will even ask men to walk their dogs! How can they be so cruel and cold. 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

      Last but not least, “gentlemen”, please a least try to reciprocate oral sex even if only half of the times women give you oral sex. Women give much more than receive, you know. I mean, women know you are a user who wants to get what you want in sex and not give as much or nothing at all, even more once you get comfortable in the relationship, and will never see sex as a mutual experience where both are left satisfied after orgasms for BOTH but a game where you “gentlemen” will always win and receive more while always giving less, as is statistically proven, but at least try sometimes and be even JUST A LITTLE BIT more fair.

  37. Ahh this is so true! I recently experienced weak knees and heart palpitations when a gentlemen I primarily knew in passing, but whom I felt was a good man, offered to get off his gym equipment to help me with something I dropped and couldn’t reach. It seemed insignificant to others, but I knew this was the kind of man I could unfurl with.

  38. Honeyamber1 says:

    All I have to say to you brother, is Amen!

  39. I was conflicted reading through this until I got to the last sentence: “…a woman who can fully take care of herself, and who enjoys allowing me to take care of her anyway.” Too often, I feel I’ve been forced to allow a man to take care of me, when maybe I didn’t need the care-taking. I didn’t get to ALLOW them to take care of me – they just forced that part upon me…as if to assert their masculine “right”(?) “ability” (?). I believe these men did not see me as their equal, nor did they feel they needed my permission to provide care for me. That’s the mutual respect thing I think people need to realize: you may offer to do something nice for someone, but they have to agree to it. And the other key word in that sentence is “ENJOY”… I think two people need to enjoy each other’s company, friendship, loving assistance, all of it. Enjoy. Allow. Respect. I got this. 🙂

    • Absolutely Sara! My exact feelings. Sometimes “I got this” can be a demand, not an offer. Have struggled for years feeling like I was not capable of caring for myself because my partner basically said so. Beware of this new / old movement. No 3 words can make up for healthy psyches and healthy relationship. (That said, it definitely hooked me at first…)

      • Bryan Reeves says:

        I definitely wrote this as an OFFER … not a demand. That last part of the blog was intended to clarify that. No man should ever force a woman to do anything against her will … even letting me “get this” … It’s a delicate dance we do. That last paragraph definitely intended to address that. I hope it helped clarify that for you. Bryan

  40. Great article. I so severely damage relationships by not allowing my partners to say “I got this”. Since it was pointed out to me by my four sisters that I am really bad at allowing a man to take pride in taking care of me, I have worked very hard on allowing my new boyfriend to offer me bits of masculine kindnesses and am seeing amazing results in my own reciprocity. Thanks for the reminder.

  41. Yes, I can take care of myself. Yes, it took some time getting used to being cared for by my man…in his own way he says “I got this.” And the truth is, I do the same for him.

    Great article. Thanks!

  42. mathew davydiuk says:

    really I stopped reading this. I mean really anyone m I got appreciate those words making it about being a man or a women, is sexist so if your gonna write an article that confers that all men and women act the same, that assumes heteronormivity, then your gonna keep falling into that trap, try thinking outsider your hetero box…… – a white hetero guy

    • Uhm Mathew I think you only read part of the article. It clearly says that it is not about male or female but rather masculine and feminine. Read it again without such angst.

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      matthew, about halfway through the article I addressed your point, specifically. Try it again and let me know if you see that. Thanks. Bryan

  43. Ooh, what a great post. I love your perspective on this. I admit, I have a very hard time allowing my partner to say ‘I got this’, but I think I’m going to work on this.

  44. M.C. Otter says:

    Strangely, I say exactly the same thing about men. I love to take care of my boyfriend…because I love taking care of others. When I am doing it all the time because he needs to be taken care of, it becomes a chore. And this task balance switches up often during a relationship.

    Relationships tend to work best when both people know how to give…and how to receive.

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      It’s really about both partners giving their authentic gifts. A more masculine energy will want to give the gift of handling certain labors, technical things, getting shit done, accomplishing a task, etc. that kinda stuff … a more feminine nature will want to handle things that are more nurturing, connecting, caring, etc. Both men and women can give whatever gifts they want to; it’s not a gender thing. This article simply speaks to the masculine nature’s innate gift – and desire – to step up and create strength and safety for its feminine partner to relax into.

  45. I figure he had to take a leak so bad that he was near to wetting the bed. So, he figured he might as well kill two birds with one stone. Hence, a masterful display of efficiency.

  46. You got it right!

  47. Richard Markson says:

    Forgive me, but this reminds me totally of the loads of crap you say to girls to get them in the mood.

    I hate articles like this because it completely over simplifies the complexities of real life. Men and women today are overworked and tired much of the time; this is a trend in America in the last 30 years because the average family just doesn’t have enough to be comfortable.

    It’s shameful that some women will read this article and wonder why their husband doesn’t come home at the end of a 55 hour work week and say “I got this.”

  48. Mark Greene says:

    The scariest thing in the world, is waking up in a relationship with someone who wants you to constantly look after them while they do little for you. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a women THAT is some scary stuff. My guess is, we would hope to be in relationships where we care for each other. Equally and in the ways that resonate for each of us.

  49. “I got this” is what you say when treating a coworker to lunch. It feels like a conditional statement that implies, “I’ve got this one… So you get the next” It sounds too rigid and unemotional.

    What you should say after you lean in for a kiss on her sleepy face is just one word, “Relaaax”… and then go do the thing. This is like saying,”shhh… It’s ok my love. You relax now. I’ll be right back” then you tuck her in the covers and take the dog out and return with breakfast in bed.

    What I do and works without fail for some early morning sexy time is to slowly wake her up with a gentle massage. Wait for her to open her eyes and gaze into them for a moment, rest my hand on her heart and then start making noises like I’m connecting to the internet and say,”You’ve got male!” and look down at the tent I’ve pitched like it’s the flag on a mail box.

  50. FlyingKal says:

    Can we forward this to the person who posted the “It’s not about the nail” video…?

    Or to anyone who keeps toting the “it’s not your problem to fix it!” meme?

  51. I got this. I can take her dog to go pee. Guess what though, I’m not going to. I don’t need to do a woman’s chore and get your ‘ok’ to feel masculine.

    Kudos to the guy who actually cares about her and wanted to do something nice for her.

    It’s great she actually appreciates the little things he does for her.

    It’s dumb they write a whole article to men to make them feel like they have to do this or that to ‘feel like a real man’.

    You can write articles about genuinely being a nice and caring partner, male or female, but when you try to sum it up with, ‘you’re not a real man if you don’t do this’ makes it sound like your trying to brainwash men in to behaving the way you want them to. If you and everyone else who writes articles like this really expect me to behave a certain way because if I don’t ‘I’m not a real man’, you’re wrong. I’ll do it if I actually care, not because I’m afraid of being emasculated for not catering to your every wish or because there are so many stupid articles out there trying to tell men how they should behave.

  52. My new boyfriend is ALL about this, and he wonders why I chose him 🙂

    Thank you for speaking the truth, too many young people just don’t get our polarity and why it’s important to recognize and ENJOY!

  53. Finally someone who gets it! I am battling breast cancer right now at the age of 37. I have been fortunate to have my husband and the best medical team to support me. I consider myself highly independent and would take in as much as I could but the “shared experience” of the daily life specially the treatments is something that my partner and I are still working on. I am still waiting for the “I got this” to come more frequent without me asking for it. Not because I am helpless but because I want him to take charge of certain things so I don’t have to be bothered by them.

    I would surely share this post with him when he gets home.

    Thanks!

  54. Tiffany N. York says:

    Wow, this really resonated with me. I think the reason I’ve never been married (and I’m in my 40s) is because I’ve never been with a man who’s ever said those words. It’s always been about what I could do for them–how I could make their lives easier, better. And having to be both mother and father to my son for the last 12 years, having to take care of EVERYTHING myself, if I ever did meet a man who offered to walk my dog in the chilly am without me asking, I probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate it because I’d be dead from the shock of it. 🙂

  55. Katarina Tavakol says:

    A really good and thought-provoking article that I think, a lot of middle-aged people can see themselves in. Somehow we start out with masculine-feminine roles that are in harmony when we first meet someone and fall in love, I actually think that falling in love is the same as a synchronization of the masculine and the feminine in balance, both within ourselves and between two partners. But as time goes by and especially if one partner has an extremely challenging job, there will be unbalance between the yin and yang. Our western society is all about women being able to do everything by themselves, being both men and women in their fullest capacity. Look at all the heroines in the police dramas or political thrillers like ”Homeland”, these ladies are practically the perfect man and the perfect woman in union, where as the guys in these series often are totally unbalanced, lost and clueless both in work and private life.

  56. Seriously, a whole article with “I” instead of “I’ve”?

  57. Reminds me of one of my all- time favorite books, “Intimate Communion, Awakening Your Sexual Essence”, by David Deida… noooo it is NOT a how-to sex book, rather talking about the masculine/feminine energy that is our core.

  58. Yes, yes – oh my God yes! Marry me?

  59. This piece could have been very good. Our culture does, after all, expect a lot of women, and it is a powerful thing when a man steps up to take responsibility from his partner, especially a traditionally “feminine” one.

    But you had to go and throw in all that nonsense about masculine and feminine energy. There’s some pretty obvious sexism that goes into labeling some “energy” — whatever that means — “masculine” and some “feminine”, and you try to get around that by divorcing the words “masculine” and “feminine” from men and women (which, by the way, makes no etymological sense). The problem with that is, without reference to actual males and females, “masculine” and “feminine” lose all meaning except what meaning you arbitrarily assign them yourself.

    What we’re left with, then, is a gender dichotomy pervading the entire piece which is either painfully sexist or mostly meaningless.

    Maybe I’m being a jerk. Okay, I’m probably being a jerk. But I hate to see something that could have been good ruined by bad ideas about gender.

    • Luciana G. Gomez says:

      Masculine as in Yang, Feminine as in Yin. You know, that esoteric thing. Both males and females have both “energies”.

  60. Very well put Mr Reeves (Superman?!) love the thunk of ‘I got it” and it has sure got me rethinking my definitions of sexy which is no bad thing.

  61. I think you are partially right.
    But I think there’s also a substantial bit of confirmation bias at play here as well, in that a woman actually have to already be in love (or have a romantic interest) in the man, to appreciate the offer of “I got this” as being *sexy*.
    If you are just a regular dork offering an “I got this”, she might appreciate it as a friendly gesture, but she won’t in a thousand years read anything sexy into it.

  62. You have come to an epiphany that is what a relationship is about. Speaking just from a hetero point of view, the woman’s movement of the 60’s, not the original movement at turning of the 19th into 20th; the ” I can do it ” mantra has harmed relationships. True feminism is about choice, not a group of women imposing what they think all women should do or be!
    Men have been emasculated and chastised just for doing what comes natural for them in a relationship. Yes women are fully capable human beings, but we are feminine and should rejoice in the difference… vive la différence ! And ” I’ve got this ” is such a loving gift!

    • Luciana G. Gomez says:

      “Emasculation” means to become less masculine (and more feminine?) or less of a man (and more of a boy? more of a woman?). A man can’t be less than a man, he is a man after all. Be less masculine? Maybe, but then again what is true masculinity? It has always been changing from time to time, culture to culture.
      Am I feminine? Maybe, but my “femininity” is not like yours. I read what femininity means and I’m usually not even 50% of it.

  63. We’ve had our challenges (which a recent experiment has turned around – WOW!), but THIS is what my husband has always done. And amazingly, he has a broken foot at the moment but he’s still doing whatever is in his power to do the same. I have so much appreciation and respect for this. I *LOVE* to be able to take care of myself but to savor it when he does it anyways… 🙂

  64. I really enjoyed reading this article Bryan, and I think in our modern world it actually takes courage to speak on this delicate subject. Thank you.
    Support and loving care can be expressed in so many little ways which show a woman that she can simply ‘relax’ into the presence of her partner. As you said, it’s really back to basics and primal needs – as a woman I need to feel my man is a ‘haven’ in can melt into, as a man, he needs to feel admired and appreciated for his efforts. Being able to continuously dance in that intimate and caring space where we alternate between (the equally important roles of) giving and receiving is a part of the beautiful equation.
    Love
    Martina

  65. When I read the title of this piece, I thought to myself, The three sexiest words are “I got it.” However, “this” is even better that “it.” Spot on Bryan. Thank you.

  66. Yup!

  67. This was the reason I fell in love with my husband too……but I would add that I had a hard time accepting it . Strong women also attract weak men who are more like your two dads. And I had more than my share of those. Or men who’s “I got this” was actually a power play. . I would add to your interpretation though. Sensing my skepticism , My husband actually followed it up with “look, we need to be a team. I know you CAN do this ….but you need to let me help” and “I care about your happiness”. over the years of our relationship and marriage this has kept me falling in love with him again and again …for reasons from taking out the garbage to caring for my mom as she succumbed to cancer…. He’s got it. Thank you so much for this reminder and for giving me a way to tell all those I know who are still searching to look for a partner who’s got it.

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      Indeed … I know you CAN do this, and I CAN help you do it, too. So take a breathe and relax a little and know I’m here to help relieve your burdens. … that’s nice to hear, isn’t it?? : )

  68. I really love this article. My husband says ‘I got it” in a lot of different ways, but I didn’t realize that’s what he was saying. Like when he, a morning person, brings me, not a morning person, coffee in bed. Or puts gas in my car. Of course I can do those things, but it meets needs we both have when he does them for me. Thanks for sharing this.

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      Yes Gaye! Indeed, there are so many ways a good partner can simply show up with their actions and choices that simply says, “I got this.” I’m glad this gave you perhaps even a little more appreciation (or just understanding) for a man you clearly already know you’re blessed to be walking through life with.

    • Gaye, I hope you make sure he KNOWS you appreciate him. Contemplating divorce because I’m tired of saying ‘I got it’ when she says ‘I’m not doing that’ and getting no appreciation for the effort.

  69. How about these 3 words? “I am listening.” And actually meaning it.

    • Bryan Reeves says:

      Those are good words, too, Jason. I would put them in between “I love you” and “How’s your mother?” … lol … just kidding. Really listening is definitely sexy, too 🙂

  70. I have had at least one relationship come apart in large part due to “respecting” a partner’s ability to take things on, that she could handle it. What I have learned is that it was completely missing the point.

    It’s not whether they can or cannot. It’s about whether you are willing to either way. Letting them handle everything doesn’t add to their lives – they can already do that. But you taking some of that burden off is a blessing. It may be nothing to you, but it’s one less thing they need to handle. And wouldn’t we all like just a little lighter load on our backs?

  71. That’s amazing: before I even read the article, “I got this” was exactly what I was thinking. I’m a stubborn, independent woman. I don’t require men to pay for everything, I don’t need help getting into a car…but shoot, you come at me with some competence and confidence like that? You counter my strength with yours. and mean it? Yeah, you’re getting some lol

  72. I tried to write on this from the female perspective about a year ago, when I was talking about Leadership in Relationships. http://wp.me/p2Hrh6-8q

  73. Yes. You nailed it. “I got this.” tells us, we’re valued and not alone. What an amazing relationship it would be if those words flowed freely between both people. Thank you Bryan.

  74. Würstfear says:

    Butt stuff tonight

  75. “the experience of feeling safe, physically and emotionally…”

    Yes, a very key concept…. before I had a procedure, I tried to be stoic and put on my best clothes and smile and made jokes…my doctor saw through that…and he just looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder…just a paternal, reassuring gesture that said that everything would turn out okay…despite my most irrational, horrible fantasies….and it did turn out all okay…

    Everyone else around me sort of heightened the pre-op anxiety….which, I suppose, is natural….but it is sometimes too much to deal with other people’s guilt and fears and apprehensions on top of one’s own….sometimes you just need that calm hand on the shoulder that just says it’s all going to turn out okay….

  76. Well said. I love it when they say “I got this” when the bill comes at dinner.

    It says to me – “I’m going to spring-out my hard working male energies because they are coiled and ready for you alone, let the fruits of my labor keep your dessert moment glowing till the expresso arrives”.

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  1. […] It made me think of this great article I read a while ago on The Good Men Project, a blog that I love, called The Sexiest 3 Words a Man Can Say to a Woman. […]

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