More and more men are bringing their strong hearts and minds to the issues of violence prevention and want to be part of solutions.
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It seems that a paradigm is shifting. The time when sexual and domestic violence issues were seen as women’s issues is beginning to wane. More and more adult men—and less surprisingly—more and more young men, including young males of high school age, are beginning to take on these issues as their own.
As a Durfee Foundation Stanton Fellow over the past year and a half, I have had the privilege to interview and talk to a lot of people about the issue of violence against women. As part of my inquiry, I invited a variety of people to converse on the topic of violence. I organized ‘think tanks’ and asked the participants to consider the question:
After 40 years of an organized violence against women’s movement there is still an enormous amount of sexual and domestic violence; where do we go from here?
The conversations have been lively and engaging. There has not been one conversation, either in groups or with individuals, that the topic of male ally-ship, male leadership and male engagement on this issue did not come up. These comments and opinions were from all genders. Many men were passionate on the topic.
So why men? Why is it necessary or advisable for men to become engaged on issues of sexual and domestic violence? These are seemingly intractable problems of male violence. I share some of these opinions, all from men:
(1) “Since men commit a majority of violence, it behooves us to tackle the issue of male violence, not only against women but against other men. This is a huge societal issue.”
(2) “As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I don’t want any child, male or female, to have to suffer from this trauma – and I want to help prevent it from happening.”
(3) “As a man, I can no longer turn a blind eye to the amount of violence in my community.”
(4) “We are all vulnerable to violence so we should all join together to do something about it.”
(5) “My wife was raped in college. She is more than a survivor; she has been my teacher about what women go through.”
(6) “We as men have to persuade other men that we need to engage on this issue.”
(7) “I have two daughters and son, I want them all to grow up to have healthy relationships. No more of that ‘boys will be boys’ baloney.”
(8) “Now that I know what I know as a male survivor, I can’t stop talking to other men about getting help for themselves. Being a survivor is not weak; I now know that it takes a lot of strength and courage. I am sorry I wasted so many years not claiming it.”
(9) “I was pretty controlling with my girlfriend, but the program on healthy relationships in my high school turned me around. Now she and I both try to talk to our peers about dating abuse.”
(10) “I want to be a role model to my son, and to other men and live a life that is not harming and hurtful to women…or to children.”
(11) “I hate that women are afraid of me because of the acts of other men.”
(12) “I need to do something with my anger that is positive and life-affirming. That’s why I want to be involved.”
(13) “Men have to stand up and be credits to our gender. We owe ourselves, our families and our communities nothing less.”
The statements by these men are powerful. They are affirming and give me hope. More and more men are bringing their strong hearts and minds to the issues of violence prevention and want to be part of solutions as participants and as leaders. These conversations are opening the door to some new thinking and new engagement. Let’s make sure that we encourage more of them and that men—of all ages—encourage each other to become engaged.
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Patti Occhiuzzo Giggans is the Executive Director of Peace Over Violence. Peace Over Violence is dedicated to building healthy relationships, families and communities free from sexual, domestic and interpersonal violence. She is also the Vice-President of the Board of Directors for 1in6.
Posted by 1in6, Inc. More information available at www.1in6.org.
The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives. 1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.
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–Photo: Ryan Smith Photography/Flickr
By reading the title “13 Reasons Why Sexual & Domestic Violence is Not Just a Women’s Issue” and then reading this “After 40 years of an organized violence against women’s movement there is still an enormous amount of sexual and domestic violence; where do we go from here?” the place to go is pretty clear and the answers that are quoted show it. Simply put we can no longer simultaneously make gender neutral calls for people to take action against domestic and sexual violence and shape domestic and sexual violence as “something that men do to women”. If the conversation… Read more »
Short and sweet. Smart and spot-on.
I read somewhere that American law enforcement now get federal dollars for male domestic violence arrest statistics and no federal dollars for female domestic violence statistics, which is giving american law enforcement a financial incentive to enable womens violence, and arrest innocent guys on false accusations.
I would think that these financial incentives would be unconstitutional because they are breaking the equal protection clause of the US constitution.
It’s really, really important that if you cite a statistic like this that you also provide links to show that it is real. That is quite an accusation, can you back it up?
I’m pretty sure he’s thinking of primary aggressor policies implemented under VAWA. Plus, the whole bit about shelters that take male victims not being funded.
Not a word about the other half of DV…….Not one clear-cut supporting line about those men abused by their wives, girlfriends, mothers……..It’s as if it never really happens……..If we hid the truth away and ignore it, it’ll go away on it’s own. Yet it is the unspoken half of DV
True, but I think there is some validity in the recognition that the violence committed by men is more prevalent, or at least more frightening and consequential. There’s a reason why I fear other men more than I do women: they’re bigger, stronger, and more likely to physically confront me. So, yes, women do commit violence, particularly of the domestic variety, and it is wrong, and it’s an important topic. I think…wait a minute…I thought a man wrote this article…huh…interesting…because before writing this, I commented “Spot-on” about this article…but then, for some reason, I thought it was written by a… Read more »
“violence committed by men is more prevalent, or at least more frightening and consequential.”
Women overall are largest abusers of children…….and most abusers can trace the roots of their abusing of others to having been abused as a child. So that would seem to be the most consequential type of abuse…….the one that keeps on giving. It’s also the clearest/easiest/most consequential place to break the chains of abuse that run deep in society.
The implications/underlying assumptions in the first & last items on the list is troublesome: #1 “Since men commit a majority of violence, it behooves us to tackle the issue of male violence” – Gender and feminist theory tend view society as a basic division of interests & power between men and women, and, satisfied that this is so, social discourse & conflict must so be viewed along gendered lines. This overarching sense of class/gender conflict (symbolic & literal) is also why feminism is so preoccupied with areas of society where actual physical conflicts exist, that can be broken down by gender. By… Read more »
The point that I think Danny made was, if I understand, is that to engage people, it has to be more than with just the expectation of two gendered ‘teams’ policing, explaining, and apologizing for ‘their own’ (my Brother’s keeper/my Sister’s keeper). Simply framing violence as something men inflict upon women, and shaping policies accordingly, has not been an effective starter.
Yes that’s just what I was getting at Mostly.
When looking at the post itself unfortunately you are right. For the longest time participation from men in the violence conversation has been limited to, “Most violence is committed by men and you are male therefore you have a responsibility to do something about it.”. On top of that male against female violence has been passed off as the only type of violence that happens or matters. But take a look at these responses that are quoted in the piece: (2) “As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I don’t want any child, male or female, to have to suffer… Read more »