A 40 year old self-professed “fat” woman wrote an article about her sex life. And Greg Simms Jr. thinks it’s the most rock ‘n roll, seismic declaration of 2014. Here’s his take on this electric piece.
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I’m now an editor for The Good Men Project (yay me!). My job is to find writers and articles that fit our awesome brand, and to publish them. I try to find pieces that stand out. That jump out to me.
This one sure as s#$t did.
Christine Whelan, a writer who pens for the website xojane.com, wrote an article earlier this month titled I’m Fat, Forty And Single And I’m Having No Problems Getting Laid All The Time. The title itself is bold, but the article is even bolder. Why?
Because it’s hard enough for women in American society to take ownership of their sexuality without ruffling a few feathers. And it’s harder to do in public (unless their names are Miley, Madonna, and Britney). And it has to be harder to do if a woman isn’t “conventionally” beautiful.
Yet, Christine explains that in 2013 she was determined to be a fully realized sexual being right after a break up (she was in a ten year relationship). ” In the aftermath of the breakup I decided that what I most wanted at this stage in my life was sex, and lots of it. I dubbed 2013 my “year of fucking recreationally” and set out to find some hot, sweaty, messy, dirty, uncomplicated fun with like-minded friends.”
” In the aftermath of the breakup I decided that what I most wanted at this stage in my life was sex, and lots of it.”
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She kept it real, didn’t she? In the spirit of her “realness”, Whelan gave us an honest description of herself physically ” I’m rather short and weigh almost precisely 300 lbs. I wear size 28 clothing.”
But, her weight wasn’t holding her back. At all. As you can clearly see by what she wrote rather boldly , ” I am fiercely intelligent, deeply hilarious, casually stylish, utterly unselfconscious and really, genuinely nice. I am also an absolute riot in the sack. And I’ve been getting laid like crazy.”
Christine’s honesty was refreshing. And brave. But, what makes this article special is her meeting a man who was turned on by her white hot confidence. “I knew I wasn’t the type he always went for, so I was curious. He just looked at me and shrugged and smiled and said “confidence is sexy.” Those words were a touchstone for me.”
Ladies! The last quote says it all. “Confidence is sexy”. Not all men, but men worth your time will find your self confidence the hottest thing about you. Not your size, or your looks. The love of yourself is what Good Men (plugging) will go crazy for.
Ask Christine.
—Photo ptxdview/Flickr
It’s nice that she likes herself as she is. Although “getting laid recreationally” is not a real measure for confidence – there are some men would sleep with literally any woman, Believe me, I had sick manic female patient with sex overdrive -she would spread her poo everywhere, even the walls of her hospital room, but men still came and had sex with her. Eventually we had to bar male visitors from visiting her, because they were just using her.
I find the comments on this story rather disturbing.
I don’t get where the “confidence” part comes into play in this woman’s story. Really.
As a recent college graduate…honestly, any female that frequents bars/clubs, etc…will eventually get laid repeatedly, if they so desire it. It has absolutely nothing to do with confidence. In fact, it seems far more correlated with much less healthy traits such as low self-esteem and self-loathing and body-hate than self-confidence.
But whatever. If this lady is happy with the stories she tells herself before she goes to sleep at night, that’s all that matters…..right? Right?
😉
As a man that is laying next to a woman. THANKS
Really!!! Sex is never a problem for a woman. I’ve been big, medium, & small… Getting sex has never been a problem and yes confidence is sexy but you don’t need that to get laid… sounds like low self esteem to me. But hey what do I know im just a women.
Yes, because we all know that women need confidence to get laid.
*rolls eyes*
Women don’t have a problem getting laid? Who’d a guessed it?
“Confidence Is Sexy.” This is the Kind of Woman that Real Men Love. A Confident One. Considering how often the expression ‘real men’ comes under criticism in these parts, this title is rather surprising. Implicit in it are a number of messages. 1. That if you are a woman who lacks confidence, you aren’t sexy enough. 2. Confidence is less a matter of being at ease and assured in yourself, for the sake of your own well-being, independent of how any others view you, but is achieved as one fulfils the great imperative to be sexually appealing to others. One’s… Read more »
Key word ” single”. All women hide behind these false affirmations. In the end, we all want to be physically appealing, loved and in a committed relationship. Please give her a year before this all changes
Note that she doesn’t live in the U.S. (and especially not New York or LA). Confidence can only get you as far as it can get you.
Wait, I learned on this site that a real man is any nonfictional adult male who wishes to identify as a man. If I don’t love that type of woman, I’m not a real man? It’s kind of implied in the title. Granted, the article didn’t explicitly say that, but imagine I wrote an article titled “Thin with Big Jugs- This is the Kind of Woman that Real Men Love”. Would that not be controversial?
I’m all for confidence but not for broad casting my nymphomania!
Yea well virtue doesn’t reside in a vagina
I don’t get it. Getting laid for a woman is easy. She doesn’t even need sexual confidence. All it shows is she enjoyed going out and getting it. Her sexual confidence didn’t mention any extended romance or anything. How hard is it for anyone with female parts to get some? Eyes roll.
Um, I think you may have a skewed sense of reality: it is not always easy for a woman to “get some”. I speak from experience and I have many friends who have also been in this position. Many factors come into play (living in a small rural community with a limited number of single adults, for example) and for many women, the idea of trying to “advertise” (I’m sure there is a better word for what I’m trying to say here, but I can’t think of it) her sexual availability can be very frightening – fear of sexual predation… Read more »
It’s easier to get any sex (may not be what you want) vs a man but there are risks as you say.
Confidence is sexy, just ask Hedwig or Dr. Frank-N-Furter. No matter your gender or persuasion, the radiant confidence from these fabulous movie characters is attractive to all persuasions. I have done an informal, non-scientific poll of straight and homosexual friends of all ages and political beliefs that bears out this belief. 🙂 I also have to wonder if there is another component at work here–maybe people are not JUST attracted to the confidence factor. Maybe they’re also attracted to people who don’t constantly piss and moan about their weight and can talk about other things? NOTHING becomes more tiresome than… Read more »
The lesson I got from the original article is that whether you are male or female, you should not feel ashamed about wanting the kind of sex that you want. If you want to have a variety of sexual experiences with a variety of partners, there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make a woman a slut, and it doesn’t make a man a creep. Yes, both are branded that way all the time, but that’s just stupid. Just wanting lots of sex with multiple partners does not make you shallow or immature. If you’re a man, that doesn’t mean… Read more »
I would have to agree with “wellokaythen.” While I’m sure the article was lovely, there was nothing earth shattering about it. A 300-pound woman openly wants casual sex, and said woman finds casual sex. It was easier than she thought it would be. Most women who are 300 pounds don’t find this to be very surprising. Now, what would have been an interesting read is if it were as easy for these guys to be “attracted to her confidence” so much that they were willing to take her as their date to their 10-year college reunion, introduce her to their… Read more »
Is it just me, or is it a red flag when someone refers to herself as “hilarious”? I find that people who praise their own sense of humor are not nearly as funny as they think they are.
Same with people who claim to be fantastic in the sack, which she does as well. When a man says he’s hilarious and a lot of fun in bed, women run the other way, as they should.
You wrote exactly what I was thinking. The reality is there is a difference between obtaining casual sex and being attracted to someone outside the bedroom for the long haul and I think your examples were spot on.
Confidence is sexy for sure
I read her article and this review, and it triggered my overly literal, critical thinking side. People are reading more into it than is really there. I’m not so sure that “confidence is sexy” is a valid conclusion to draw from the experience as she described it. Her article is certainly not saying “real men are attracted to confident women.” What it confirms to me is that just about any woman who actively seeks a sex partner has a good chance of finding one. Of course her approach takes some minimum level of confidence, but not necessarily very much. It’s… Read more »
P.S. In short:
“Not all men, but men worth your time will find your self confidence the hottest thing about you. Not your size, or your looks.”
That’s not actually what Whelan said. She suggested something quite different, actually.
Confidence can be sexy but narcicism isn’t. I like some women who are confident, I like others who are insecure. There’s more at play than just confidence. Sweetness is far more sexy than confidence to me, sure I’d like her to be confident but sweetness soothes my soul. But it’s not the only thing I like…
I think that being in a supportive and non emotionally abusive relationship has helped me to feel a lot more confident about myself. My partner has told me that his first impression of me was that I was sweet. I think generally I am more ambitious than confident but having a partner who frequently tells me that I am attractive has helped a lot.
I agree with wellokaythen. I don’t see how getting laid has anything to do with men liking women with confidence. If she wrote an article about dating a bunch of men who liked for her confidence, it would be a different story. If anything, screwing a bunch of strangers is a soulless activity (for both men and women) and it does not take any confidence at all. In fact, it’s the opposite of confidence.
@ wellokaythen
“Imagine a man who writes an article saying, “I have confidence, and that means I get laid all the time.” Many, if not most, GMP readers and commentators would say that man has “toxic masculinity” or is not a real man or has a warped view of women or is a product of misogynistic rape culture or some such.”
Or if he said he was great in the sack and his sex partners have had some of the best sex of their lives.
Agree with al the above.
Confidence and positivity are very, very attractive qualities- dare I say essential qualities!?!?
Great little article.
Thank you, Cajunmick 🙂
I think the problem is SO deep in society, telling women that because of X they won’t find love or lust or desire from men. It’s hard to have confidence when the whole world tells you that you are terrible because of one totally inconsequential thing that has nothing to do with WHO you are. That’s why I think we need a lot of people (men and women) writing about how we love the people we love because of WHO they are, and not primarily for what they look like – thought lots of men and women also love their… Read more »
Exactly, Ms. Schroeder . I think a BIG problem with communication between men and women is that sometimes men just don’t tell women…that they ARE beautiful. Men (myself included) know how to be funny, witty, and sometimes clever with and around women, but many times, a woman just wants to know and FEEL beautiful. And men should do that more often…
Being a confident man is nowhere easier than being a confident women. We have other shortcomings , not just physical aspect of our lives.
Of course it isn’t. But thankfully I don’t think she was trying to say it was.
This was awesome Greg. I wish ALL women could find as much beauty, sexual health and confidence in themselves as Christine!
Me too, Carlette 🙂 Sometimes, women just don’t know how beautiful they really are…
All the article says is that men don’t mind porking a porker when they’re desperate enough. She’s still single at her age, and no one wants to commit to her, no one she wants that is (any man of moderate value). Ladies we don’t care about your self esteem, in fact most of the time a high self esteem woman will be obnoxious and annoying. We like humility and kindness and gratitude in our women, these things are more often found in moderate to low self esteem women, not entitled fat chicks. Also we’re more likely to commit to a… Read more »