—
Want to know the secrets to increasing your magnetism with women? In my weekly podcast, Last First Date Radio, I share valuable tips about how to attract and sustain healthy relationships after 40. I interview top experts and cutting edge authors. My guest, David Bennet and his twin brother, Jonathan, devoted many years of research studying the science of attraction, which led to the following practical dating advice for men.
◊♦◊
What are some of the biggest issues for men over 40?
Men don’t think of being attractive as a science. Dating seems mysterious and there’s nothing they can do about it. If your car wasn’t running well, you’d go to a mechanic. But if you are having trouble dating or in relationships, many men just get mad at women. They might say, “women are mean” or “there are no good women.” It’s important to recognize that there’s a problem and you can improve your attractiveness, which will improve your dating success.
◊♦◊
What are practical tips that any man can do to be more attractive?
Put your best foot forward. Attraction occurs within the older parts of our brain. Chemistry is felt even when a person is terrible for you. You can override that. What we suggest is to study what someone who’s successful with women is doing right. Check out other guys’ online dating profile photos and come up with your own decent profile pic. Men in sleeveless shirts and motorcycles are dressing to impress other men, not women. Studies have shown that women like when men are not looking straight at the camera but a little in the distance.
◊♦◊
What’s the biggest mistake in dating over 40?
The biggest mistake is you believe men and women think and act the same way. Men develop their body to impress women instead of their personality. Talking to women helps you understand women better.
The biggest mistake is you believe men and women think and act the same way.
|
Also study the research. A new study just came out: men prefer women who compliment them a lot. Women don’t like too many compliments. When you write a message to a women, keep it confident and leave them curious to know more.
◊♦◊
What’s your best dating advice for men over 40?
Put the best spin on your life. Let women see things in your life from the best possible point of view. Set the frame, set the tone. Body language is a key thing, too.
Walk in to meet your date like you own the place.
|
How you walk into a room, sit, etc. Make your voice a little deeper if you can, and speak from the diaphragm. Walk in to meet your date like you own the place. Make sure your head is up, walk slowly, chest out. Look comfortable in the space.
Another tip is at a bar, notice when a guy has a drink covering his chest. That’s a body block. What you’re saying is “I’m afraid, I’m protecting myself”. When you’re sitting: relaxation conveys confidence. Open up your body. Spread your stuff out and take up a little more space. Put your arm around an empty chair. Seems animalistic to claim the space, but it makes you look confident.
When I was younger, I blamed women for being mean when I didn’t have success with them. What I learned is I had to accept responsibility for my part in relationships and improve my dating skills. If you want to be rich and you never work hard, learn about what makes people rich and how to improve your work ethic, you probably won’t be rich, and you don’t deserve to be rich.
Same with attraction. Work at it. Take care of your body and style, but work on your personality more. It’s something you can change. When you work on these skills, you will have a greater love for life and a better life in general.
◊♦◊
What’s your best dating advice for men? Your biggest struggle? Please share your comments below.
To listen to the interview and hear more great dating advice for men (and women) over 40, click here.
Like this episode? Check out the other 192 great shows, and subscribe to Last First Date Radio on iTunes.
—
A version of this article first appeared in LastFirstDate.com and is republished on Medium.
—
Photo credit: Unsplash
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
◊♦◊
Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
◊♦◊
women don’t like too many compliments and men like to be complimented by women!!! what a load of rubbish, ‘men make love with their eyes, women make love with their ears’ is the old saying , ive seen relationships break down because the woman does not hear enough compliments.
Well, as a gay man; women want to ‘be with me’ and even have proposed to me because of my career! Yes. The ability to make great money at what you love top do is an incredible turn on.
I’m not sure just putting on a pretty face and false advertising is the way, but be yourself, true to your standards. This is what attracts people to us. Know and be who you are. Don’t beg.
I find just opposite. I hate when women give me compliments.
Hi Sandy,
Thank you!
Google the Seattle Freeze, it is more than an idiom, it is nearly the reason d’etre of that town. It was a simple waste of time for me to stay there, I really never should have come back to the States after my last deployment. I have always felt more comfortable and happier overseas. I say “HELLO” to a girl in Seattle and i will get the eye roll, a humpfth sound, or just the dead static of nothing because she is plugged into her i-phone. Going out with friends, the prattle around the table is always the social media… Read more »
@Jill, Most unfortunate. No one man can speak for another, but for me, intelligence was very high on the list, and very sexy. Sure there had to be physical attraction (I’m human), but from there it was depth, intelligence, grace. Sometimes it would be just the way she holds her head, looks off in the distance when saying something deeply personal…or something like that. I’m a bit of a brick when it comes to explaining “feelings” that I get, but the point is that I’m not sure I could tolerate a woman that was not astute. A woman that could… Read more »
@DJ Roukan,
I couldn’t agree with you more about how attraction increases when there’s a deeper connection. And the opposite is true. A great looking person can go from an 8 to a 5 when there is no depth or level of inspiration to match the beauty on the outside.
Thank you for your wise comment!
I dunno, Sandy. I’m scratching my head wondering what about this article is not common sense, or what you did wrong. Everything about it makes sense. Confidence and awareness is everything. Everything suggested helps build confidence. Knowledge grants one confidence in any endeavor. I could explain further how I was when dating, how I always am, but, Jules pretty much covered that (especially the part about spending most of the night listening, or drawing out rather then bloviating all over the table). Want a good woman? Be a good man (from the inside out), learn the difference, choose wisely. …and… Read more »
“…and yes, buy some new freaking clothes guys. Don’t have to be a fashion model, but at least catch up with the 21st century.” Women do care about the way a man dresses, but I’d say wear something comfortable. I got a lot of play when I was younger and wore taekwondo gear so it’s not necessarily fashion that catches the eye. There was no greater evidence of this besides my “pimp” hat. It made me look like a mobster and women (most women actually) hated it, but there were a few who loved it and those that did, it… Read more »
Overall, I think this is pretty sound advice. I see nothing harmful in these suggestions, at all. One of my favorite actress is Kristie Alley..Here is what she had to say about men over 50.. ‘I don’t find a lot of men who are creative or playful in a conversation and sound exciting to me,’ she added. ‘Everyone just goes, ‘Well, you know, I slowed down a little bit. I retired. I just want to travel a lot.” I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I’m gonna kill myself.’ So that isn’t for me.’ I know what she is talking about…I cannot… Read more »
@Julia Byrd,
A man who listens, asks questions, and cares about how men dress? Are you still single? Because I know so many women who would want to date you 🙂
@ Sandy Weiner,
Thank you for the kind words.
Yes, I am now dating someone..
There are some interesting points in this article. However, I feel it’s far more important to understand yourself first. Then determine what you are seeking in a partner and only then seek out individuals to date. Once you understand your own goals and desires for a relationship as well as what qualities most interest you in a significant other you will find that you are putting yourself out there in places where you will most likely attract the kind of potential partner for which you are looking. When you are actually meeting the “right kind of person” for you, attractiveness… Read more »
@Dave Kanegis,
I so agree with you about the importance of introspection and inner work to prepare you for meeting and connecting with your best partner. That’s what I help clients do. If you do only the external work of looking good, learning how to flirt, acting confident when you’re not feeling it—you won’t find a lasting love connection.
And a healthy sense of humor is essential. Absolutely!
@ Dave Kanegis I think you’re mostly right. I would look at one thing though. “Once you understand your own goals and desires for a relationship as well as what qualities most interest you in a significant other you will find that you are putting yourself out there in places where you will most likely attract the kind of potential partner for which you are looking.” You’re already putting yourself out in these places and if you’re not, you really need to re-examine things. What I mean is that there is old advice that suggests that people join groups that… Read more »
Spend some time overseas, the longer – the better. I analysed my situation, it wasn’t me that sucked, it was me in America that sucked. I am the same guy I was in the States, it’s just that the girls overseas are actually interested (and capable) of having a conversation that is longer that seconds that isn’t centered on social media or celebrity culture.
Boris,
Glad to hear you’ve had better luck with women overseas. Not sure where you’re from or how old you are, but the people I know don’t focus their conversations around social media or celebrity culture.
Hmmm….interesting though that it is all about or up to the women from what Boris is saying…*SIGH*
I never talk about social media or celebrity culture and I’ve had several different men over the years tell me that I’m too brainy and intimidating to date. I’ve had guys approach me who seem shocked and lose interest when they discover that I want to have an actual conversation. A lot of times, women act the way they think is expected.
@ Jill, I believe you and that is truly sad. Women should not be backing it down just to be accepted. You are who you are as a person. You have to demand that you be accepted and respected for the person you are, period. The reason these men lost interest is probably because they quickly discerned that they simply could not hang. Now, a really smart, savvy and intelligent man would have said, ‘Wow! I want to be able to carry on with women like her!. Let me get on the ball here” They will set about making themselves… Read more »
@Jill,
I agree with what @Julia Byrd said, you be you. If a guy rejects you because you’re smart, he’s not your guy. The right guy will be inspired by your intelligence.
@Julia Byrd, I love what you said here. And good for you for loving smart women. You rock!
@ Jill
I suspect they weren’t looking for an LTR. They were looking for a roll in the hay. I accidentally accepted a date invitation from a very gorgeous woman I knew who had nothing between the ears. I was caught by surprise and accepted before I realized what was going on. I knew the sex would be good, but knew the three or so hours of inane conversation just weren’t worth it. I suspect these guys weren’t interested in a conversation regardless of the substance.
@ Boris, There are vast differences for sure Boris. Most women from say Europe or South America or Southeast Asia ooze femininity. This is very appealing to me and most men. Nor do they view men with the disdain we men encounter here in America. Very little man bashing in France or Italy. But, here is a key difference too Boris. The men are very different too! I think the men have more respect for women and genuinely like and appreciate women for being women much more than we do here. So, in essence there is a much healthier social… Read more »
Think there is way too many Women giving bad advice about dating at GMP.
It is becoming cliché and contrived.
Angelguy
Sorry you feel that way, Angelguy, but this article presents dating advice from a MAN. I interviewed him on my radio show. I posted it because I think it’s solid advice. I’m curious; what do you think is cliché and contrived?
The thing with the sleeveless shirt depends. I have more issue finding dates today than I did in my 20s because in my 20s I was buff. Sleeveless taekwondo shirt got lots of female attention. Acting like a bad ass did also. A 40 year old guy can’t normally pull it off, but I would say normally. My brother is dating a woman 12 years younger than he and my blood brother just married a woman 13 years younger. They both spend time in the gym though. The other thing is women over 40 aren’t looking for the same things… Read more »