Men of all ages and walks of life are at risk
–––
The old saying “like father like son” may ring more true than many of us have been led to believe. I remember last spring on a late afternoon day, a former graduate student of mine came by my office to visit me. It was a pleasant surprise and I was glad to see him again. I remember talking for quite some time about several things – his new job, the economy, the weather that day etc…
What caused me to raise my eyebrows was the fact that he mentioned that both his father and grandfather both began to suffer from a combination of both stress and depression around the same age.
|
He also mentioned that he had been suffering from a mild degree of stress and depression. This was not all that surprising to me. Most of us get stressed out or depressed about something at some point in our lives. What caused me to raise my eyebrows was he mentioned that both his father and grandfather both began to suffer from a combination of stress and depression around the same age, late twenties, that my former student was at the time. The reality is his story is not an aberration or an isolated incident. The fact is more and more men are suffering from depression.
…the issue of stress and depression and the possible hereditary effects that it may often have on men.
|
Several years ago, the American Psychological Association released a landmark report at its annual convention. At this same conference there were several panels that highlighted numerous topics as they related to issues facing our world. Among the more intriguing panels, was a session that examined the issue of stress and depression, the possible hereditary effects on men and the mechanisms they use, and whose father’s had suffered from the condition. Needless to say, the study had many researchers talking.
While more women are often quick to acknowledge depression, it appears that more and more men are also acknowledging their battles with the disease, or are at the very least, are more willing to discuss it. To be sure, young men are not the only segment of males afflicted with the disease commonly referred to as “the silent killer.” Men of all ages, races and socioeconomic backgrounds can be victims. Some signs of depression among men include:
- Escapist behavior
- Alcohol or substance abuse
- Controlling , violent or abusive behavior
- Inappropriate behavior
- Risky behavior
- Infidelity or unhealthy relationships
The fact is that our society has conditioned men to refrain from being too emotive in their feelings. Historically speaking, it has been seen as inappropriate for men to demonstrate any sort of personal vulnerability. Such behavior, for the most part, was considered off limits. Men who exposed their vulnerabilities were seen as less masculine, emasculated, or effeminate. Rather, men have been taught to be strong, self-reliant and as independent as possible. Consequently, many men, (due to societal and personal decisions) rather than address the issue with others, have far too often opted to suffer in silence often to their personal detriment.
…not too many days that go by where he is not fearful that he will collapse into a such a condition that will require medication.
|
I have a friend whose late father and younger brother both suffered/suffer from manic depression. The illness is commonplace on his father’s side of the family. For the time being, he has managed to evade (hopefully permanently) a similar fate, but you can rest assured that there are not too many days that go by where he is not fearful he will collapse into a such a condition and will require medication. The thought is never too far from him. Obviously, there are many other stories where such afflictions run in certain families. Therefore, it would only be feasible not to discount the strong likelihood that anxiety (which arguably is a distant cousin of depression), can be transient or even hereditary in certain families.
…men who have increasingly seen their economic, social and political capital eclipsed and is some cases, eradicated, due to outsourcing of jobs, unemployment or underemployment…
|
The fact is that while both men and women are increasingly facing a multitude of pressures present in our ever complex society, men have historically been expected to be the breadwinner and disciplinarian. The male (at least in many middle and upper income families) was the parent who was responsible for keeping the livelihood of the family in tact. Mom, on the contrary, was the nurturer. Yet, in spite of such social expectations on men, it is men who have increasingly seen their economic, social, and political capital eclipsed and is some cases, eradicated, due to outsourcing of jobs, unemployment or underemployment, as well as other internal and external factors. Some men have seen their marriages, families, relationships, careers and entire livelihoods fall apart.
While it has become acceptable for men to be sensitive, caring, cultured, intellectually aware etc… it is also expected that they be brawny, robust and as true to their male roots as possible.
|
Depression is not solely confined to middle aged and older men. The same is true of young boys who, even in our supposedly postmodern age, are still expected to retain as many of their masculine qualities as possible. While it has become acceptable for men to be sensitive, caring, cultured, intellectually aware etc… it is also expected that they be brawny, robust and as true to their male roots as possible. In the eyes of many people, you are either an alpha male or you’re not a “REAL” man. This is just one of the many superficial expectations we place on men.
Given these culmination of factors, if you know of a friend, relative, neighbor, colleague who is suffering from depression, you should make every effort to do the following:
- Discuss the situation with him and listen closely to what he has to say
- Invite him to social activities and events that you know he is fond of and will likely participate in
- Take his comments about committing suicide seriously
- Let him now that you are genuinely concerned with what he is going through as opposed to telling him to “buck up” or just “get over it.”
- Encourage him to seek medical, therapy or other professional help
- Make it clear to him that despite your support he is ultimately responsible for his own recovery
As a society, we must become more sensitive to this fact and work to assist men who are facing such predicaments.
|
The fact is that given such a culmination of complex and contradictory factors, it would not be surprising that men of all races, socio-economic status, religions, sexual persuasions and educational levels are facing ever increasing amounts of stress, anxiety and depression in their lives. Men are living in an ever emotional, transforming and demanding world. As a society, we must become more sensitive to this fact and work to assist men who are facing such predicaments. Our future livelihoods as human beings may very well depend on it.
NOTE: For those men who are dealing with feelings of overwhelming hopelessness and despair, please contact the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-(800)-273-8255.
Photo: #L98/Flickr