It can be frustrating, and there will definitely be times when you question if this “dream person” even exists. But the one thing you should never compromise is your standards.
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My best friend, my college roommate, my now boyfriend’s best friend, and I—all found love through online dating.
I’ve heard both sides to the dilemmas of online dating.
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I started online dating as a joke, with no intention of actually going on a date. However, I’ve never met a potential boyfriend in conventional ways—I think the closest I came was when the Budweiser delivery guy asked me out at the 7-Eleven I frequented before work. Especially after I moved to Arizona [from Michigan], I decided to change my perspective of online dating.
I’ve heard both sides to the dilemmas of online dating. As a result, I’ve decided to come up with a few helpful tips to those trying online dating. I’m no expert by any means, and I’m certainly not a spokesperson for the women’s perspective. These are just tips I’ve formulated from my experiences with online dating.
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Your username, headline and about me section are the most important parts of your profile.
Is it just me or is the username “daddysbadgirl69” super creepy? Keep it simple. I used favorite movie titles with either my graduation year or birth year. There’s no set formula for making a username. But, I can tell you that anything that’s explicit or creepy is bound to be an immediate turnoff. Unless, of course, that’s what you’re looking for.
I read an article on online dating, and they said you have eight seconds to persuade a match to respond to your message. When I first started, I had some variation of “What’s up?” I learned that probably wasn’t the best approach because it was cliché, boring and unoriginal. I eventually started taking lines from movies or something funny (and the challenge also becomes how many characters does your headline allow—it’s like Twitter *cringe*). It can also serve as an icebreaker depending how creative you can get.
So…the about me section seems to be a difficult one for the male community. I get it—nobody likes talking about themselves, and while nobody wants to read a novel about you or your life. Giving a few basics, and maybe some interesting facts or experiences, won’t kill you. I read a few profiles that had at least the first chapter of a novel written—but again, I’m a writer, I like reading things like that. However, I felt rather annoyed when profiles began with, “I hate talking about myself, just message me,” Or, “I don’t know what to say here,” or the worst was, “If I tell you about myself we’ll have nothing to talk about.” Really? You’re just lazy.
On the flipside, it’s even more annoying when men don’t read YOUR about me. I ended up putting bullet points of the basics, like my job, where I’m from, etc. and I STILL ended up with men that would ask, “So what do you do?” I’d instantly stop talking to them. Might be harsh, but you’re wasting my time asking a question you already have the answer to. Instead, ask me a question ABOUT my job (or tack on “So what do you do as an (insert job title)?”
Be honest.
What is more annoying than going out on a date with a guy who states he’s looking for a long-term relationship, yet by the end of the night, is doing anything and everything to have sex with you? It’s very unattractive and disrespectful. Also, it was annoying to find men who lied about certain things on their profile.
Avoid clichés.
Unless your potential match explicitly states, “I like clichés,” “Shoot me your best pickup line,” or has an exquisite sense of humor, please avoid clichés. I had one guy message me, “are you Netflix? Because I could stare at you all day.” Creepy, dull and cliché. One guy messaged me, “If you were a burger at McDonald’s, you’d be a McBeautiful.” Gross, the saddest attempt at creativity, and cliché. Your best bet is to pick something off their profile like a tattoo, their job, or maybe what their degree is in for a conversation starter—it shows you not only read their profile but shows interest in it.
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Not all dating websites work the same, nor are all experiences the same.
They’re simply not worth your time—but also remember it needs to be reciprocated.
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I’ve tried Zoosk, Plenty of Fish (POF), OkCupid, and Match.com. If you’re poor like me, I didn’t want to pay for an online dating website—I felt ridiculous resorting to it in the first place. Although, I have to admit that my parents offered to pay—but they’re also desperate for grandchildren. Find one that works for you and expend all the resources available to you.
Don’t justify lowering your standards.
People will tell you that you’re “just too picky,” or that you’re “not giving them a chance.” It can be frustrating, and there will definitely be times when you question if this “dream man/woman” even exists. But the one thing you should never compromise is your standards. I had one person blatantly state that my standards were “unrealistic and needed to be lowered.” If someone isn’t willing to take the initiative to at least try to reach your standards, they’re simply not worth your time—but also remember it needs to be reciprocated.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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I have had no luck until recently. Recently i started talking to this amazing women, who makes me smile and laugh and we have a great time together. The one major difference is that we are in two different places in life. I have been divorced for over 6 years now and i am honestly looking for that person to be in a committed relationship, her on the other hand, not so much. She is recently separated and is not ready for a serious relationship. Only time can tell.
Every girl thinks different things are appealing. BUT, I can tell you about some of the biggest turn-offs in the game of dating life. Here’s what we’re not going to be impressed with (for the long term, at least).
http://ht.ly/S6vCA
well, I think those are important factors to look out for in online dating. However, the most important aspect is still the quality of the dating site. We have experimented on the big names i.e. Zoosk, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish and presented our experiences and reviews in http://www.topdatingguides.com/zoosk-review-do-not-get-scammed/. It’s really useful I must say.
@mgm51 – you’re so cynical and incredibly rude. There’s a difference between disagreeing and being blatantly rude. I’m all for constructive criticism, but you’re not even criticizing my writing, you’re criticizing my experience, which isn’t constructive. Big difference. Go troll elsewhere or try saying something useful. @Lisa I agree to an extent though I think all experiences differ. I’ve dated both ways and I’ve had both good and bad experiences for both. Personally, I found my life partner through online dating – and I’ll admit I never thought I’d say that. Do I think you can find one IRL the… Read more »
Okay, here’s something useful: your advice maybe be beneficial for women, but it is useless for men. Why you may ask? Easy. Because you are not a man and as such have never had the experience of online dating that a man has had. If you were a man and you had had any experience with online dating then you would know that, while your advice maybe well meaning, it is virtually useless for men. This may be hard for you to understand but the online dating experience is fundamentally different for men than it is for women. I won’t… Read more »
The cardinal rule of online dating sites is don’t take them seriously. If I knew what I knew now about the type of people who typically frequent these sites, I wouldn’t. They attract the type of people who view others as expendable commodities, as a rule. Not saying it’s impossible to meet a life partner on one. It’s just highly unlikely. You can’t put yourself through this hell, or you can get out there and meet people IRL, the old-fashioned way. Depends on what you’re looking for — a lot of pointless, go-nowhere dates or a lasting relationship.
Why are you so angry and rude? This article is purely my opinion from personal experience with online dating. I never said it’d work for all women and men. Chill out. If you don’t agree that’s fine, but don’t get your panties in a bundle. sheesh.
Because your advice is nothing more than repackaged cliches that add nothing of value to the discussion. Write a good profile and come up with a clever username? Wow…never heard that one before. Be honest on your profiles? Yeah, well duh. It also feels like a thinly veiled excuse to make fun of awkward or stupid things men do on online dating sites. Which is pretty much what every other online dating ‘advice’ article written by a woman is. Also, as a writer you shouldn’t get all bent of shape when someone disagrees with your opinion. Kinda of goes with… Read more »
Here are my responses to your ‘advice’: 1) For men your username, headline and about me section are pointless because they will be ignored by 90% of the women on online dating sites. 2) “Also, it was annoying to find men who lied about certain things on their profile.’ I think is pretty much code for ‘don’t lie about your height’. But it’s common knowledge that 90% of women on online dating will filter out any man’s profile that didn’t list their height at 5’10” or taller. So unless you meet that minimum height requirement you’re pretty much screwed anyways… Read more »
#2 – which some of us fully understand this is just euphemistic shallow-centeredness because something else is also bound to be a certain “height”. Angry and rude? No. Jaded – quite possibly. But then again, a lot of us who may have a heart a gold, empathetic towards the plight of others, have our own interesting passions, have a difficult time managing this reality, because ultimately it doesn’t mean for shit when you’re an athletic 5’6″ / 140lbs. To point made later, the experience for men is so vastly different than it is for women – simply cannot be understated… Read more »