When the knives arrived, I set them out on the kitchen counter and admired their tooth and polish. I could hear the sharpness of the blades, a high-pitched hum. It was very tempting to run my finger or tongue along the keen edge with just enough pressure. My husband came home from work, set his briefcase on the kitchen table, and eyed the display of knives. Their hum grew louder.
“The better for you to kill me with?” He laughed nervously.
I smiled.
♦◊♦
The Pine Lodge was not a lodge nor was it surrounded by pine. Theo was staying in Room 7. When I pulled into the parking lot, I went into the office, leaned against the counter in such a way that the clerk could enjoy the view. I asked him for the key to Theo’s room and he gave it to me, no questions asked. The key was an actual key. It felt more purposeful than those cards most hotels use. It had one of those plastic tags with the room number embossed in white and felt good in my hand. I checked myself in the mirror, reapplied my lipstick, and knocked on Theo’s door. When he answered, he was wearing a Mario Bros. T-shirt and a pair of boxers with a frayed hole in the hem. He didn’t seem surprised to see me.
I stepped into his room and as I passed him, my breasts rubbed against his chest. He felt frail even though he was not a small man. The shape of his cock shifted in his boxers. The room was small and cluttered with his belongings. Two large, open duffel bags sat against one wall. There was a portable radio on a small table and two beds both covered in the kinds of inconsequential possessions you would expect to find in the motel room of a man in his thirties who sells knives door to door for a living. I sat in the only chair.
“I have a key to your room, Theo.”
He sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his forehead, holding a pillow across his lap. He said, “I am an ambitious man.”
I stood and began undressing, charmed by his lack of self-awareness. I set my wedding ring and engagement ring and earrings and bracelet on the small table. I carefully folded my blouse and skirt and panties and bra and set them on the chair. I nodded toward the bed closest to the bathroom. “Do you mind clearing that off?”
♦◊♦
My husband and I sat in the doctor’s office, he on the examination table wearing a hospital gown, me in an uncomfortable chair with hard plastic arms. He talked to me about one of his partners. He’s a venture capitalist. The only risks he ever takes involve money. I pretended to read an issue of Good Housekeeping with pages so worn they had gone soft like a baby’s blanket.
When the doctor came in, I continued staring at the magazine. There was an article about the safety of heating food in plastic. The doctor told me it was fine to wait in the lobby but my husband insisted I stay. He’s afraid of the doctor but had been complaining of an ear infection for several days. I held his hand while the doctor peered into his ear canals, running my fingers over his knuckles, telling him funny stories and we laughed together. He seemed younger, kinder, more like a man I could fall in love with. He survived the appointment and we left with a prescription for antibiotics he asked me to fill. As we walked to our cars, he checked emails on his phone. He did not say goodbye. I called Theo, told him to meet me in an hour.
♦◊♦
I lay in Theo’s bed, on my back, one arm over my head and the other across my stomach. The cheap sheets irritated my skin. He stood naked at the bureau, making instant coffee. “I have a special recipe,” he said. I questioned his understanding of the words he used, not for the first time. When the coffee was ready, he padded back to bed holding two steaming Styrofoam cups. I sipped mine slowly. You have to really care about someone to lie. “This tastes terrible.” I said.
Theo took my cup from me and set both our coffees on his nightstand. He stretched his body alongside mine. The soft paunch of his belly made me strangely tender toward him. He pressed his thumb against my nipple and kissed my chin. I sighed and turned into him, hooking my leg over his then rolling onto my back. When he tried to kiss me I pressed a finger against his lips and shook my head. I spread myself for him instead. He was persistent though, pressed the palm of his hand to my cheek. He was warm. He held my face firmly and pressed his lips against mine, wouldn’t let me turn away. I kept my lips pursed but his lips were so soft. Slowly, I relaxed. He wove his fingers through my hair, slid his tongue into my mouth and the pleasure of it was so startling I moaned into him and arched into him and fell into him.
“I’m going to nail you so good,” he said.
I reached back and planted my hand against the headboard, frustrated by his sense of timing. I said, “Please try.”
Later, Theo lay on top of me, inside of me even though he had already come. I nearly came too, which is rare; I don’t allow myself that kind of pleasure. It is too deceptive. My skin felt wild and flushed, my world a little smaller. I did not mind the weight of him against me. He pressed his cheek between my breasts, idly tracing the underside of my arm with his fingers. He talked about a new business idea he learned about on the Internet, something involving reselling mortgage contracts. It sounded very complicated, the kind of complicated that renders a business concept highly implausible. “If I can get some start up money, I feel like I can make a quarter mil a year, easy.”
I idly ran my fingernails across his scalp. I said, “I hope it works out for you.”
♦◊♦
This is a fabulous story. I think there’s more to it—more possible. Perhaps it could be a novel. Very compelling, beautifully done.
Wanted to print out your Weekend Fiction, but there is NO easy way to do that – like a simple Pdf. Can you arrange that in the future?