Confessions of a Recovered Porn Addict

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About Ben Belenus

Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women and Author. His juicy new book “the sex god---No Mud No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love.  www.benbelenus.com  www.facebook.com/benbelenus

Comments

  1. That illustration is awful. What is the lady part supposed to be? It looks like a napkin holder from picnic tables.

  2. Like many, I watch porn simply because I have no other choice. It’s not like I’m dating anyone or have women who have any interest in going out with me or sleeping with me, so I’m left with the only other option short of prostitution. Such is the life of your typical shy man.

    • +1. Until we either beat the shyness or women start asking us out…..

      • Collin, Just because you are using porn as a substitute for real sex doesn’t mean it’s not influencing you. And maybe you won’t really know that answer until you have sex with a real woman. It’s usually in our relationships with one another where we learn the most about ourselves. Not when we are behind our computers by ourselves.

  3. James Jones says:

    This was a very interesting article as it is very different from my own point of view. For me, porn is useful exactly because it makes the need for sexual connection much less urgent.

    For example, right now due to circumstances I am unable to have sex with my significant other. When I feel the need to have sex with her instead of either being a pest or becoming so tense and irritable I risk taking out my inappropriate anger on someone else I just use porn. No muss, no fuss.

    And, no, I can’t redirect the energy into other things. My creative energy is a mix of emotional and intellectual and once I recover from the muscle tears, working out only makes it worse. The only things that reduce the sexual impulse for me is something sexual or violent in nature.

  4. Shameless plug to sell a book….

    “A thorough and sacred investigation”…. putting that English Major to work I see.

  5. Untamed Shrew says:

    Book or not, thank you for this article. It seems to be an honest appraisal based on experience. We are only beginning to acknowledge that the compulsive use of porn and self-pleasure may have a down side for many relationships. I have seen the downward spiral of a man controlled by those urges. Calling it by its name is a forward step.

    • I agree…I like this article. Yes some people ‘may be fine’ with their porn watching and think its all good and no problems…for now…but as most men do, you need more and more ‘hardcore’ stuff to get off…that can’t be healthy for your sex life. Or for you psychologically. And I like your point of how after it’s all said and done you have nothing…a computer and an empty feeling. A real woman (if you look for the right one for you) has to be much more satisfying ;)

  6. FlyingKal says:

    There’s nothing in the Universe quite like a soft, loving, all-embracing real woman.

    Well, a lot of people keep saying that. And most of us know it’s true. But whaddayaknow, some of us just keeps getting by-passed.

    Perhaps all is well, though, as women will be able to resume their matriarchal power when all us men eventually become useless wank-piles. They shall reclaim their rightful ownership of all the power in the Universe, the power to create life itself.

    Yes, women are powerful and can do alot of things.
    One thing they can’t do just yet, however, is create life on their own ;-)

    • Random_Stranger says:

      That was solved with the whole genetically modified two eggs thing. Wasn’t there recently a lesbian couple that did just that?

  7. Heriberto Vizcarra says:

    “But where was all that battling of the purple-headed yogurt-slinger taking me?”
    I can’t even believe I read that. Talk about being graphic. Mine doesn’t get purple, since I am not caucasian, but I get the point.

  8. The Wet One says:

    Holy advertisement for http://www.elephantjournal.com Batman!

    Other than that, I have nothing to say about this article except “Blech!” Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too new agey for my tastes. But clearly, everyone is different, so whatever works for you.

    Anyways….

  9. Random_Stranger says:

    Just a couple of thoughts on this article:

    1. I recognize its popular to compare consumption of pornography to use of hard drugs, but the two are really in no way comparable. Unlike foreign chemicals, the dopamine fueled, synapse numbing affect of an organism, even if frequently administered, does wear off in fairly short order, returning the “user” to his/her baseline state. Doesn’t mean one can’t over indulge of course, but an apt comparison would be salty-snacks, not heroine.

    2. As so frequently stated, but no less important, the violent, misogynistic, rape imagery of pornography is a best a poor caricature of the medium and is usually leveled by those (read feminists) who have no experience of the subject. However, to the extent such things are consensual fantasy among the actors, then I fail to understand what makes this medium more heinous than our violence-infused, prime-time television and pg-13+ movies? Dare I saw we find violence done to women more objectionable than violence done to men? And, to the extent actors are non-consenting, that simply needs to be stamped out absolutely. But, I find nothing about the porn industry that makes it especially vulnerable to exploitation and beyond redemption. I do recall that the apparel industry was similarly disposed to non-consenting labor and no-one advocated for the termination of the industry over reform.

    3. Women use porn and women masturbate, but for some reason the moment we discuss those activities in term’s of a women’s experience, they suddenly become healthy sunny, liberating ideas. I’m not sure if we, as progressives, are afraid to criticize a women’s sexual expression or rather, we feel entitled to denigrate male sexuality -but somewhere perspective and balance must be struck before any of this stuff can be critically processed.

    • Heriberto Vizcarra says:

      Yes! Yes! Yes! There is a sort of old article here in The GMPM that says that we don’t have to be ashamed of us liking sex. I have come to terms with my taste for pornography, I don’t hide it but don’t flaunt it either, my wife knows about it.
      After I acknowledged that my watching porn was healthy and nothing to apologize about, I felt “cured” of my addiction. I do watch it still, but as a tool to disspell accumulated stress and when living with my wife, I don’t even need it. Once the ghost of sin disappeared from the equation, our sex life feels more liberating and fun.

    • Random Stranger, even regular drug use “wears off”. Even with regular drug users, they return to a less animated state. However, tolerance does build up over time both physically and mentally. There are a few articles on GMP that talk about how the brain is re-wired regarding pornography. We are what we consume. The reason that pornography has become more “hardcore” isn’t because we all jsut go back to “baseline”. It’s because a tolerance is built up and people need more extreme imagery to reach the same high. Even when it comes to porn. I bet a lot of men can actually relate to that. I bet that when they were younger, the things that excited them where much milder in most cases then what can excite them now. Men use to get excited at Sears catalogs and Nat Geo. Men no longer are simply excited by those images alone. So that really disproves your idea that we all just bog back to a baseline state.

      And clearly we don’t find violence done to women more “objectionable” since violence is a regular part of porn, largely violence agaisnt women more so then violence against men. However, when you mix sex with violence, it brings a unique equation that isn’t just about sex and it’s not just about violence. You are trying to approach the subject as if it’s all the same. It’s not. Conversations about violence sould be true to conversations about violence. Conversations about sex should be true to conversations about sex. And conversations about violence AND sex mixed together, should also be true to form.

      Perhaps you don’t find anything in porn more vunerable to exploitation and beyond redemption because pornography still largely caters to primarily male desires first. Because a large portion of porn is still much more explotive of women then it really is of men. Because a large portion of pornography will show violence against women more regularly then it shows violence against men. Maybe that’s why you don’t have as a strong reaction to it. But as a woman? It is really difficult seeing what today drives men into fits of lust and fantasy.

      Lastly, it seems like you are more intersted in talking about how men are denigrated in society regarding their sexuality then actually talking about the actual topic of how porn often denigrates women quiet often…that’s so interesting to me. How worried you are about men being denigrated but not so much worried about women being denigrated. You don’t even want to talk about how women are specifically denigrated violently in porn. You don’t want to talk about it because you want to compare it to over violent media and say because that media exists, that how women are protrayed in porn doesn’t much matter as much. ….. now that is what is interesting here.

      • “It’s because a tolerance is built up and people need more extreme imagery to reach the same high.”
        Like all weed users progress to meth right? People still buy into this shit? It only applies to some people but my “high” from masturbation and porn has remained constant the entire time, my porn hasn’t got any more hardcore, it’s the basic intercourse and oral (both male n female), stuff I’ve done in real life, the women range in age between 20-50. What level of hardcore should I be progressing to? Violence? I hate it, turns me off. Bondage? Borrrrrring. Anal? Hell no, I dislike anal so I skip or don’t watch videos with it in. I dunno what I am meant to progress to though? So I disagree with your assertion that this so called “drug” doesn’t wear off for everyone. Have you had first hand experience of regular porn use yourself so that you can accurately comment on it or do you rely on studies which only apply to some people?

        My guess is that it’s like every other pleasurable activity, some people get affected badly, some are fine, and it needs to be used in moderation with consideration of the effects such as alcohol, drugs, gaming, exercise (excessive exercise is bad), etc. As for my tolerance? Disappears after a day or 2 and is more related to masturbating once a day, so skip a day or 2 and it can feel better but that’s regardless of porn. I’ve gone weeks without porn or masturbation, no real difference except I had one less stress-busting activity.

        “But as a woman? It is really difficult seeing what today drives men into fits of lust and fantasy. ”
        It’s difficult seeing a woman in pleasure smiling, enjoying sex with her real life partner and having normal sex? Oh I see, you’re generalizing again about men and what they find lustful, you have difficulty in what you think “men” want right? Is this some men, or all men? Do you find difficulty in seeing every single male’s fantasy?

        But as a man? It is really difficult seeing what today drives women into fits of lust and fantasy. Things like wanting to be raped, only desiring rich men, jerks, assholes, abusive men, wanting to be slaves. – See I can generalize too, and I’m taking real fantasies that “women” have. Do I mean some women, all women?

        • Heriberto Vizcarra says:

          There are actually neurological studies done that conclude that porn addiction does affect the brain in ways that some drugs don’t, so the pot-to-meth-pathway theory does not apply here. Porn addiction affects not only the pleasure areas of the brain, but the decision making prefrontal cortex and parts of the white-matter and even ends up changing the sizes of those regions.

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