Steve Horsmon explains the critical difference between reacting to your environment and shaping it. Picking the wrong one almost never has a happy ending.
This is not a scientific discussion so don’t expect a lot of mumbo-jumbo about Darwin and “survival of the fittest” stuff.
I have only one point to make and it’s a warning about your future. Yes, I can predict it with stunning accuracy.
How?
I’ve got good data. I see it every day.
Do you typically react to your environment or do you expect your environment to react to you?
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I see men who achieve massive clarity, confidence and strength in their lives when just one switch flips in their mindset.
And I see other men who wallow in unhappiness, frustration and self-pity when they can’t find that switch.
The one factor determining which man you will be is the answer to this question.
Do you typically react to your environment or do you expect your environment to react to you?
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Evolved Man Type I
This man is a classic evolutionary example.
He sees the world and his life as a whirlwind of variables that happen to him. His default mode is one of reaction – defensiveness. Quiet submission.
He agonizes over every decision in his life as if the consequences could ruin him. He decides it is safer to not decide at all.
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Changes in his life occur without warning and without permission. His only option is to adapt. He accepts the pressures of environmental flux as his fate. This pisses him off.
He agonizes over every decision in his life as if the consequences could ruin him. He decides it is safer to not decide at all.
He believes his very survival depends on his ability to quietly bend to the will of the world.
This belief will ruin his life in every respect.
Some call him disadvantaged. Some call him unlucky.
He agrees with them.
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Evolved Man Type II
This man is a renegade.
He doesn’t believe in “passive evolution”. He believes in “proactive evolution”. The world doesn’t happen to him. He happens to the world.
He expects the world to bend to his will. To his dreams. To his intention to create his own happiness.
Every decision he makes is less important than his response to the consequences of that decision. With this mindset he moves swiftly.
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He doesn’t wait for change to happen to him because he is too busy creating changes of his own. He sees everything he does as a simple response – a course correction – on the way to his destiny.
Changes in his life are merely stepping stones – not barriers. His only option is to use those obstacles for improving his game and becoming wiser. The pressure of uncertainty is his lifeblood – his fuel.
Every decision he makes is less important than his response to the consequences of that decision. With this mindset he moves swiftly. It appears effortless to the less informed.
He believes his very survival depends on his ability to make decisions, learn quickly and keep moving toward his goal.
This belief improves his life in every respect.
Some call him brave. Other just call him lucky.
He knows differently. He can’t explain it because they wouldn’t get it.
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Which Will You Choose?
You can choose to be Evolved Man Type I or Type II.
Many men will suffocate themselves with books, articles, videos and CD training modules all designed to awaken them. They will ride the rollercoaster through the peaks and valleys of personal development, spiritual growth and self-actualization. It’s like brain candy – sweet and satisfying. Contentment wraps them in her arms.
Then their stomach growls. Hungry for more. They are faced with a decision. They must take a stand. Or maybe some action is required on their part.
At this point Type I men will return to the libraries of shelf-help-hell for another serving from the all-you-can-eat dessert bar. They may attend just one more webinar, workshop or retreat. Anything to avoid making a decision. Anything to avoid the risk of the unknown. It is easier to let the world happen to them.
The Type II man will also feast at the personal growth buffet. But he knows when to stop.
He chooses to find his comfort in the certainty and momentum of his forward motion. His books are his tools for action. And he knows by taking action…wisdom will always be his reward.
And the world quietly bends to his will, his dreams, and his intention.
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What’s this got to do with men and marriage? Everything.
I wrote a special report for men in a struggling marriage. Download your free copy of “The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage” by clicking HERE.
Photo Bryan Bope/Flickr
Good stuff, Steve, thanks. And, for me, painful as well. I wish I had read this, or maybe more accurately had read this and been prepared to act on it, when I was a young man. Or even a middle-aged man. I can confirm that the wrong choice will ruin your life.
Hang in there with us, brother! It hit me like a 2×4 at age 50.
The second half of our ride is going to be exquisite! Isn’t it?
Age 50? Youngster! 🙂
Yes–I think we are in for a good second half. Or third third or fourth quarter–whatever it may turn out to be. Thank you for the encouragement. I mean to hang in with you.
Hey John, I loved your comment and the Niebuhr quote. Yes, balance. We must find the balance between accepting what we can’t change and taking bold action toward what we can. In that space is a calm, deliberate self-awareness of our own power and value. We can breathe slowly and be pleased and patient with ourselves. One of the most powerful actions a man can take is to become crystal clear about what he can (and can’t) change or control in his life. Practically speaking, this will affect who he allows in his life, how he thinks and how he… Read more »
There’s a third path. The path of balance. The belief that not everything is a fight, but when ‘m in one, I fight to win. When I’ve played chess, I’ve always played black better. It’s supposed to be a disadvantage, but I’ve always felt better reacting. Maybe it’s the martial artist in me. The one that realizes that every attack opens you up to a counter. That’s the young man who early on realized that I was never going to be an NFL quarterback no matter how much I learned and tried. That’s the young man who looked at what… Read more »
Sorry, neither the quotes or the indention came out.
‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
Reinhold Niebuhr