A woman hopes Eli and Josie can shed some light on why guys are so obsessed with her rear-end.
Originally appeared at She Said He Said
Dear Sexes: This might be totally silly, but what is it about women’s butts that is so attractive to men and makes them comment? I have a couple of outfits I no longer wear because of the comments men say. Thanks.
She Said: I don’t think it’s just about butts, depending on the girl and the guy, it can be about anything… I definitely have one v-neck tee shirt that is a conversation stopper. “Hey Jos, how are—-“[eyes go to chest, all talking stops for about a second and a half]. And therefore I don’t like wearing it without a big scarf or a tank under it. And it’s just a v-neck!
Ultimately, I think that unless you’re in an intimate relationship with someone, they should keep their comments to themselves when it comes to your parts, especially the sexualized ones. It’s Street Harassment, and it really is harassment. Some people think they have the right to say whatever they want just because they feel it, but they need to realize that words can be violations too.
Same goes for girls. I know guys who are really uncomfortable when girls say, “nice ass” or something like that out of nowhere. Then they feel they should be proud and it all gets very confusing. Fact is, no one likes feeling dehumanized. Liking someone’s ass and saying something to them about it is not the same as giving them a genuine compliment. It often makes them feel sexualized, like their only function is to be a sexual object. Guy or girl—it feels gross to most people.
Wear what you’re going to wear, and try to find a great retort for this type of attention. Something like, “I’d rather not talk about my ass if you don’t mind” or “Ever heard of Street Harassment?” or “Don’t be a creep.” Sure, some guys are going to object to being called a creep, but here’s a newsflash: If you’re a stranger commenting on a woman’s ass, you’re a creep. Back off.
He Said: First off, you should never let obnoxious cat-callers discourage you from wearing what you want to wear. Don’t expose all your ASSets, leave something to the imagination. But (within reason) don’t let others dictate who you are, or how you want to dress yourself. That’s called sexual harassment, and it should not be tolerated.
Now, let’s talk about butts. What’s not to like about about a nice gluteus maximus? Guys are aesthetic creatures, so the mere site of a sweet butt, can send us into excitement overdrive. A plump tush, parading past on the street, offers tantalizing excitement, of what might be. We immediately think of the possibilities. Perhaps we’ll get to touch that butt (or one like it) with our bare hands. Perhaps we’ll get to bite it. Maybe we’ll get to “explore” it. And who knows, that sweet butt might even have a banging body, attractive face, and a wonderful person attached to it.
Promises, promises! Guys are incredible optimists when it comes to a smokin’ rump. We’re also fairly savvy and experienced. We know that sometimes, a butt is just a butt – without all the sweet amenities attached. And don’t even get me started on dishonest pants. Sometimes pants lie to us, and no guy likes being lied to by a pair of pants, especially when it has to do with a sweet ass.
P.S. – There’s many men out there, thus all types of butts are appreciated by someone. Unless you’re planning on cutting off your own ass (we here at She Said He Said strongly discourage self-mutilation), or wearing baggy sweatpants the rest of your life, there will always be dudes commenting (aloud or to themselves) about the status and wonder of your butt. Bottoms up!
Do you have a question for Eli and Josie? Ask it here!
Image of zebra rear-ends courtesy of Shutterstock
About She Said He Said
What a silly question. Most parts of the human body are not sexually dimorphic, not very much anyway. So logically, mate-seeking behavior evolve to focus on those parts of the body that are obviously the most different between the sexes: Face, breasts, hips (= butt).
That said…. randomly commenting on the butt (or any other body part) to a strange woman, is RUDE. Save your compliments for women you (a) know and (b) will appreciate them.
Better yet, save your compliments for a woman who has earned them. Like, by marrying you.
Cat calling is the mark of a jack ass that couldn’t get a date if he tripped over one! That said, men and women are attracted to certain areas of the body. it’s called being human.
Nah. Plenty of guys who cat call get laid regularly.
No one likes being dehumanised?
… I thought that was what everybody secretly does like…
Dont take it too seriously. Last year, someone told Me I had a nice butt too.People are people!They are attractited to certain body parts on the oppossite sex!(Like I like a guys smile, and butt, to be honest.)
Sexual harassment? HA! If you don’t want complements, or perceive men looking or making comments as such, then why would you dress in such a way knowing full well you are going to get that kind of attention? If you are going to wear tight cloths, or a shirt that shows your cleavage then you are asking for attention! As the old canard says: “If you’re not in business, don’t advertise.” comes to mind.
Looking is ok, but complimenting n saying stuff is a quite an action n can be controlled. No one has the right to sexually harass, only look (within reasonable social boundaries). Showing cleavage may attract eyes for a second but it’s not right to comment on it. Show some restraint!
Damn straight Archy.
Quick Question to you all about this exact topic – I just started dating a guy and on the second date I made him dinner. His text to me after was that He enjoyed watching me shakin my ass around the kitchen…. I am really offended by this comment… should I be? Now, we’ve been aquantainces for years and friends for a few months before this… and he always super respectful and sweet normally (pulls out chairs, pays for dinners, opens doors, says yes ma’am to elders etc etc)….Im just not sure what to think… it definitely left me feeling Icky and Dehumanized
Any comments would be appreciated!
Don’t be offended. He offered a legitimate compliment, albeit clumsily. Otherwise you wouldn’t find yourself questioning it. I suspect it was less a comment about your actual ass and more about the fact that you cooked for him. He attempted to express thanks for your display of feminine wiles and nurturing skills; he just did so in a way that isn’t (yet) timely. It’s likely something that flowed from your preexisting relationship. You can’t be upset with a brother for appreciation.
Beyond that, etiquette doesn’t preclude fondness for a nice ass. There’s no reason to feel dehumanized. Feel your humanity, there’s someone out there who is hoping to enjoy it in all its fullness. We’re more than walking brains.
Thank you for your comments that did help! Yes I guess he is just letting me know that he is really attracted to me.
Why dehumanized? He was probably trying to pay you a compliment by saying you have a nice ass, maybe the way you were working was also nice. Were you bouncing around all positive n upbeat, dancing to music as you were in the kitchen? I’ve seen women do this before and it’s amazing, not for the sexuality but the positive vibe you get from someone so happy that they are dancing.
I don’t think you should be offended by it but it’s your choice, you can still respect someone and compliment their ass or their shaking, etc. If he acts so nice, why would you feel dehumanized? Him noticing your ass doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice the rest of you. My guess is maybe you’ve been raised to assume comments on your body are negative as if that is all men care about? I’ve known some women who would think like that but they fail to realize most men aren’t looking at the ass alone, they’re admiring the ass of someone they like, love, whatever.
Thank you for your comment. I think you might be right on with your 2nd paragraph. And yes I am sure I was bouncing around the ktichen all positive and upbeat.