Jamie Reidy encourages single twentysomethings to hold out for Ms. Right, not settle for Ms. Not Too Bad
Once upon a time, the word “settle” denoted self-reliance, determination and hope.
In the 1800s, the settlers headed westward, dreaming of new lands and new lives. Sure, the journeys would be arduous, possibly even deadly, but the rewards might be worth the sacrifices and risks.
Today, according to Jessica Bennett’s, ahem, engaging new article at The Daily Beast, a new breed of American settler has emerged. Louis L’Amour would not have recognized these dudes.
Ms. Bennett refers to an anthropologist’s recent study that shockingly reveals “31 percent of adult men said they’d commit to a person they were not in love with—as long as she had all the other attributes they were looking for in a mate—and 21 percent said they’d commit under those same circumstances to somebody they weren’t sexually attracted to.” Further bucking stereotypes “the equivalent numbers for women were far lower.” Researchers discovered that the percentage of guys in favor of quitting early on the search for Ms. Right actually increased for respondents in their 20s.
That information is enough to make a 42-year old, childless, never been married/engaged fella scratch his balding scalp and say, “WTF?!”
This modern day “settler” dreams of nothing new, for he has witnessed through his older friends, coworkers and relatives the lack of joy in most relationships. His journey? It’s as comfortable as the sofa he bought with Ms. Not Too Bad. His rewards? Painful silences, infrequent sex and DVRed episodes of “Real Housewives” and the Kardashian Octomoms.
Dozens of married men – and women – have given me the unsolicited advice to stay single for as long as I can. Interestingly, no one has ever insisted, “You gotta get married tomorrow, man! It’s the greatest!” True, every parent says his kids make it all worthwhile, but you will find that the price is much higher with the wrong partner.
Brother, a nice personality and good sex don’t equate to a lifetime together. What are you hoping for there, that things don’t get worse? That’s like hoping your college team just manages to keep it close against the #1 seed in March Madness.
Hold out for greatness. The rest of your life is too valuable.
If you wanna be a “settler,” then move to a new city. Sure, the journey could be arduous and risky, but you might just strike relationship gold.
Photo courtesy of Jay Adan