Why Settle for Less? #MarriageFail

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About Jamie Reidy

Jamie Reidy is a writer and Propecia "before" model. His new book A Walk's As Good As A Hit: Advice/Threats from My Old Man is a collection of funny essays about him and his father. His second book Bachelor 101: Cooking + Cleaning = Closing is a cookbook/lifestyle guide for clueless single guys just like him. His book Hard Sell: Now a Major Motion Picture LOVE and OTHER DRUGS
in which Jake Gyllenhaal played "Jamie."

Comments

  1. I find that article so bizarre too. It was chilling, to say the least, and made me think of arranged marriages where the best the two could hope for was a deep friendship that “might” one day culminate in love. I mean, honestly, if you want to get married just to keep yourself from feeling alone, you’re not going to find that if you can’t feel whole all on your own.

  2. Jamie Reidy says:

    Agreed, Amber!

  3. I was totally happy to be alone my whole life apart from the children thing (I was considering perhaps making it official and becoming a nun).
    Then I met a guy, my first real boyfriend, now I am considering the hope one day we will get married.

    Life alone is different to life with another person. I think the other person life is better, not because it makes you happier (I was more consistent in my happiness on my own because I never felt guilty for anything). It’s better because being forced to compromise and not just do whatever you want all the time makes you a better person – and in the end, even if its not as pleasurable, I would say it is for sure more fulfilling.

  4. Eventually, men will recognize that getting married is itself “settling”–settling for a life measurably inferior in almost every way to staying single. MGTOW will become the default. And I, for one, welcome that day.

  5. John Sctoll says:

    My opinion is that life has to distinct parts

    #1 Material Life
    In this case, imho, married men will be worse off than single men. They (not everyone of course) will have less money to spend on themselves.

    #2 Emotional Life

    Now this one is trickier because a good number of people are happy being alone, having good friends and that is enough, they don’t need that one person to love. For them, single men are better off, but for the rest of us, we are better off in a relationship with someone.

    AND don’t even get me started on Divorce and what it does to Items #1 & 2

  6. John Sctoll says:

    I just wanted to say about divorce. I have never been thru it, but I had the unfortunate experience of seeing a very good friend of mine go thru it.

    It was heartbreaking to see a loving father and children be abandoned by their wife and mother for a guy she met on the internet and had (until she left) never met in person. She was gone.

    To see how the family court treated this man was just downright disgusting. For a number of years, he was the only parent these children knew, he got no child support and no any other type of support from mom but the moment she came back into the picture the court literally bent over backwards to give her custody. They even gave her custody after her oldest son (16) found moms drug stash and tried to sell it at school to make some extra money. Yes, they knew it was mom stash, I was there in court when she admitted it. The judge actually gave her ‘credit’ for admitting it was hers and told her how much she much have loved her to son to face the consequences of admitting it. Fact was, she got a suspended sentence and maintained custoday.

  7. The Daily Beast article to me really struck a chord in its inane stupidity. This quote, in particular:

    “Give me a friend I get along with, have good sex with, and is willing to compromise, and I’ll build the love over time,” one man, a Colorado computer instructor, told me. It was as if he was echoeing the advice given to many-a-young-bride by the village matchmaker.

    Is it wrong to be looking for love among friends? Does love just magically happen overnight? Should we not indeed date people we actually get along with, rather than are hormonally attached to after a nice night at a bar?! Of course love takes time to build! It’s these stupid, fairy tale notions that are to blame for the absurdity that has become the modern “dating game.” It’s not a goddamned game. Get over yourself. Compromise IS part of life.

  8. I think this discussion needs some perspective.

    The other day my roommate’s best friend was lamenting a failed relationship with a guy I told her wasn’t worth her time long before she dated him, but she tried anyway and tried to look at his good points.

    Doesn’t that put so called “settling” in perspective?

    A LOT of women are with guys that aren’t worth their time because they don’t think they can do better, and they cope with this by noting the guy’s good points or putting a “happy face” on things.

    Meaning: people of both sexes settle, the difference is that maybe men are just more honest about it. I can’t tell you how many times a female friend has broken up with a boyfriend, and then slowly began to admit that he wasn’t quite the man he pretended to be.

    The other thing is to consider how these men value women in the first place, if a man is simply looking for a “partner”, or someone to have a family with, it could be that “love” isn’t really on his priorities, he just wants to get laid, not be alone and have someone to serve certain functions as far as family and the like. In short he views women as a commodity. I’ve had friends who were sort of on the desperate side and would be happy to settle, none had a healthy view of women.

    Just a thought.

  9. This does not surprise me. I am 25 and recently a 22 year old joked around about marrying me because I was the only one to put up with him. Lots of young men have this I will take what I can get attitude when it comes to relationships. I never want to settle nor do I want a man to simply settle with me. I want us to feel like we hit the jack pot or struck gold. I want us to high five each other and be like f**K yeah your’re the best. Seriously though, my generation does have a very bleak outlook on marriage so it could be that we are just throwing in the towel. But if marriage means misery then I would prefer to opt out rather than settle for less than what I want.

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