Jim Jividen’s back with the skinny on this week’s NFL and NCAA games–and he’s managed to fit a can’t-miss romantic comedy idea in there, too.
Occasionally I’ll put together a half-baked movie pitch; like Literally, about a college professor who gets so frustrated with his students use of the language, from text-speak to boredom with any reading passage over 140 characters to his pet peeve, the use of the word “literally” when one means “figuratively” as in ‘I literally died when Lance Armstrong finally landed in steroid jail” that he somehow unleashes a power upon the world that the metaphors that people use actually come true.
So, when the guy at the restaurant table next to you says “these jalapeno poppers are a party in my mouth” a party actually breaks out in his mouth. Say, a house party, with Kid ‘n Play doing the cabbage patch all over that dude’s uvula. Or the next time you’re watching a reality show and hear the phrase “you threw me under the bus” – the speaker is instantly embedded in the grill of a Greyhound Silverside.
Throw in an insolent teenage son and the professor (I’m thinking Paul Giamatti) realizing that he has to put this curse back in the bottle and you’ve got a movie.
If that’s not your speed, I give you The Jannetty.
My wrestling literate readers know the reference. For the rest of you , it’s easy: The Rockers were a prominent 1980s tag team, they broke up, one of the partners was Shawn Michaels, who went on to become one of the most notable professional wrestlers of all time; the other partner was Marty Jannetty, who did not.
Occasionally, both major American wrestling promotions will still use Marty Jannetty references to describe the lesser half of tag teams that have broken up – but it recently struck me that reference could go beyond wrestling when I heard Peter Scolari do a radio spot for the Boston Medical Group.
He’s the Jannetty. Tom Hanks has won two Academy Awards; Peter Scolari’s on AM radio talking about his droopy wang.
Consider the possibilities for relationship breakups. Tom and Jane are dating. They break up. Both want to “win” the break up – want to be more attractive than the other, have a better future partner than the other, generally demonstrate “you should have never let me go.”
And now – in one word, perhaps posted via tweet or facebook status update, they can do so. Maybe one of them loses weight or winds up with someone superhot or achieves some sort of success. They can say to the other one – “You’re the Jannetty.”
If I were to write a teen comedy, I’d call it The Jannetty. It’s about a guy who is dumped by his first girlfriend and he becomes obsessed with winning the breakup. Or maybe it’s about a guy who always winds up on the wrong end of breakups – he gets cut from the team that wins the state title, he quits a job just before the company gets a patent on an invention that makes all of its employees rich, the girl he was dating winds up marrying Prince Harry. It’s not that his life is bad – it’s just that he keeps winding up on the losing side of every breakup. The Jannetty. He decides to start a relationship with a woman in order to break up with her and win that breakup, meaning he will face the inevitable choice between finally throwing off the Jannetty designation or the true love he unwittingly stumbled upon.
I’m thinking Paul Giamatti. Do I spent too much time thinking about Paul Giamatti?
I went 1-2 in my initial week picking games. Here’s this weekend’s opportunities.
Colts +9.5 Bears
Cleveland +8.5 Eagles
Wash +7 NO
Buffalo +3 Jets
Jax +4 Minn
Mia +13 Hou
Rams +7 Detroit
Tampa +2.5 Carolina
Utah -7.5 Utah St.
UConn +5 NC St.
Penn St. +10 UVA
Miami +7 KSt.
Aub +3 Miss St
NDame -14.5 Purdue
SFlorida +1.5 Nevada
Iowa -5 Iowa St
Florida +1 Texas A&M
Memphis +23 Ark St
LSU -23.5 Wash
Mississippi -7.5 UTEP
Nebraska -5.5 UCLA
Ok St. -10.5 Arizona