Ten Things I’ve Learned From Being Dumped

Lover's Quarrel

From the many people you ask out to the one person who you can actually have a relationship with, you have made a tremendous investment emotionally, financially, and in terms of time. It sucks to have to start again.

Note: I haven’t been dumped recently, but I still remember the stings of the past. This is a post inspired by, and with credit to, idatedthatdouche.com

  1. Being broken up with is a blow to the ego. In the past, I have always tried to beat them to the punch (see here) to spare myself the agony. When I have been dumped, it has been in situations where I should have known it was coming, but refused to see it (generally, it involved a geographical move).
  2. Being dumped is brutal because, as a guy, the onus is on you to pick up somebody, from the millions of people out in the world. From there, you have to set up the first date, and hope that goes well (it often doesn’t). You start dating, and if it gets past the casual stage (again, it often doesn’t), then you finally get into a relationship. So, from the many people you ask out, to the smaller number that say yes, to the smaller number that agree to the first date, to the smaller number who you can date more than casually, to the one person who you can actually have a relationship with, you have made a tremendous investment emotionally, financially, and in terms of time. It sucks to have to start again.
  3. Being rejected by a friend you have started to have feelings for can sometimes feel like being dumped. Rightly or wrongly, you have already probably spent a fair amount of time investing in this friend romantically. It hurts for them to turn you down, particularly when you hear “my friendship means so much…” or “I’m not in a place to date right now…” or “you are such a nice guy, you will find somebody….”. I’m not putting blame on the friend in this scenario (it’s not their fault they aren’t attracted to you), but it hurts nonetheless.
  4. After being dumped, you should take the time to be self-indulgent, listen to sad songs, shed a few tears, and get drunk with your friends. These are all time-worn strategies for dealing with grief. Acknowledge that you are sad, and move on.
  5. Being dumped because she wants to sleep with some other guy is demoralizing, but it is still better than being cheated on, and more honest. Being dumped because she is already sleeping with some other guy, on the other hand…
  6. It’s not a question of fault or blame. Whether or not you are to blame is irrelevant. Let’s say you are totally innocent, and she did you wrong. Does it make any difference? You are still single. I guess the moral victory is nice, but the end result is the same.
  7. There are many (often ephemeral) reasons relationships don’t work out. Maybe this is why I never argue with break ups (I did once, and the result was still the same). It is often not rational. It is often as simple as “I’m not feeling it anymore.” How do you argue with that?
  8. Just because a woman dumped you, it doesn’t mean all women will dump you. Just because a woman cheated on you, it doesn’t mean all women will cheat on you. Just because a woman was mean to you, it doesn’t mean all women will be mean to you. Just because a woman was a bitch, it doesn’t mean all women are bitches. Same goes for everyone.
  9. You couldn’t have done anything better. You can’t go back in time.
  10. If you love yourself and are open, being single can be a liberating and wonderful opportunity. At times it can also be lonely, but it is only a jail sentence when it is self-imposed.

Image of Lover’s Quarrel courtesy of Shutterstock

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About Josh Bowman

Josh Bowman is a professional fundraiser, story-teller, comedian, and blogger. He has worked and consulted in Vancouver, New York, and now Toronto for almost a decade. Josh improvises around Toronto, including regular shows with Opening Night Theatre, and also blogs for the Huffington Post. You can email Josh or follow him on Twitter. If you want to submit a guestpost or know more about Josh, check this post and this post out first.

Comments

  1. Often one or both parties could have done something different. and it’s not always on the guy to ask the chic out. I’ve never had issues with that.

  2. wellokaythen says:

    With loss comes freedom. In the past, after mourning the end of a relationship, I reminded myself that this is the price you pay for trying to get what you want out of life. The pain of losing that person from your life is the price for the freedom to look elsewhere. Freedom isn’t free, but it’s usually worth a few tears.

    A lack of prospects or starting over is one way to look at it. Another way to look at it is that you have a much wider range of possibilities.

  3. J P McMahon says:

    Relationships are a lot like buying a puppy. Even under the best possible outcome, someday you are going to have to put that hound in the ground.

  4. faithless says:

    solution, stay single

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