Where the Hell Is My Soulmate?

I know what to do… I just won’t do it.

I feel like I’ve been alone forever. This type of feeling is kinda suffocating — like breathing in through a straw. Tight, stuck, and no way out.

I’m done with this whole ‘single-era’ thing. I’ve set my standards too high, and honestly, I don’t even live up to those standards myself. I keep dreaming about the reward — about finding ‘The One’ — but I won’t even get my ass out of bed. Pathetic.

I need to find my soulmate, my lover, my partner, my person.

Bump into some cute girl in town, cute interactions, share a few laughs, exchange numbers, go on a couple of dates, meet her parents, propose, get married, build our dream house — maybe get a dog before the baby. What a life.

But for that to happen, I actually need to have female interaction that isn’t my mother. So pathetic.

Even my mom’s on my case now — telling me to just get the hell out of the house and talk to anyone I find attractive. Like… love at first sight type of thing?

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Honestly, if I ever brought a woman home, she’d probably be treated like an instant family member. She would probably hand her a family photo and say, ‘You’re in this now.’ No questions asked. Wild, right?

My mom would take her in like she’s the new daughter she never knew she had. No hesitation, just “Okay cool, she’s part of us now.” Total opposite of how things used to be.

As a mother-in-law? I don’t know, like my mother might be the new mother in law that’s not following the law. Yeah, she’s not the type to hesitate about my choices anymore.

And yet… Even though I know what to do — like, I really know what to do — I still don’t do it. Every time I think about starting, I just… don’t. Like I’m frozen, or maybe too scared to move.

Can I just sit here and wait? Wait for someone to walk in, smile at me, and say, ‘Hey… I’ve been waiting too.’

But what if they never do?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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