Have a mentor. Be a mentor. September Dohrmann discusses why both are so important.
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My first mentor transformed my experience at work. His advice was invaluable, and it instilled a lifelong love of mentorship that has helped me in my career and in my personal life.
I often encounter men who haven’t considered looking for a mentor before, but I honestly can’t think of anything more valuable—especially for men who consider it unnecessary at first.
Ditch the idea that mentors are older people who tell younger people how to live. That’s a limiting approach. Mentorship, at its core, is about learning. We can learn from anyone who has something we want or who has done something we want to achieve. Mentors don’t run your life, and you certainly don’t have to follow their advice. Instead, think of mentorship as the fastest and most reliable path to accomplish the things you want and become the person you want to be.
What Having a Mentor Can Do for You
A good mentor can provide benefits you won’t find anywhere else. These include:
1. Experience. Mentorship lets you tap into experiences that would otherwise take years to develop. Drawing on knowledge from someone who’s been where you are and knows where you’re headed saves you time, money, and effort.
2. Perspective. We’re prone to getting caught up in others’ opinions, our own feelings, and immediate circumstances—all of which ultimately hinder our decision making. We all need someone who can give us an outsider’s look on things, and a trustworthy mentor can help you take a step back and evaluate a situation objectively.
3. Confidence. Knowing that someone you respect and admire is behind you in your decisions builds your confidence and self-respect. His or her support can help alleviate your anxiety and grow your confidence when making tough decisions.
4. Growth. Having a mentor means you’re smart enough to know you don’t know everything. It’s an integral part of becoming a lifelong learner, which is essential to success.
Mentorship Is a Two-Way Street
Mentoring also benefits the mentor, providing an equally important and rewarding experience. Being a mentor can give you:
1. Confidence. Mentoring someone reaffirms your decisions and helps you see your accomplishments from a new perspective. Being reminded of where you were and where you are now gives meaning to your experiences. And hey, everyone can use a confidence boost.
2. An opportunity to give back. There’s nothing like providing a service to someone who needs it. We know from studying the brain that acts of altruism give us happiness and add meaning to our lives. Using your expertise to enrich someone else’s life is a powerful thing.
3. The joy of seeing someone else succeed. There’s no greater feeling than seeing someone you’ve mentored grow. Knowing that he’s become a better leader because of you reaffirms your effort.
Overcoming Excuses
Many men hate asking for help or advice. They would rather just fix things themselves, and it’s outside their comfort zone to seek wisdom or reassurance from somebody else. It takes humility to ask for advice, but it comes with incredible benefits.
If you’re still unsure about taking on a mentor, consider these tips to ensure you have a good experience:
Find someone you trust. If you’re uncomfortable with adopting formal mentorship right away, look for someone you admire who is willing and able to offer advice, guidance, perspective, and experience. A formal relationship might be easier once you’ve experienced the benefits of mentorship in an informal way.
Establish upfront expectations. Make sure both parties are clear about what they expect from the process. How often do you plan to connect? Will you meet in person? What does your mentor think he can offer you? What are you looking for from him? If you’re nervous about asking someone to be your mentor, start by asking if he or she is available to grab coffee once a month and give feedback on your ideas.
Manage your attitude. Intentionally recognizing that this person is not judging you or looking down on you can be a first step toward feeling comfortable with mentorship. Recognize that your mentor is also getting value from the experience and that the fear of letting your guard down with someone will ultimately hinder your growth and success.
What I’ve Learned
When I first started my job, I had a team of hardworking, competent employees who couldn’t work together. When I tried to force collaboration, it was torture.
Fortunately, that’s when I found my first leadership mentor. He’d been in business much longer than I had, and with his help, the staff’s buy-in and support began to grow organically.
I’ve become a better leader, professional, and person by learning from my mentors. I’ve learned so much just by listening to people who have had experiences I want to learn from. And I’ve done it in a fraction of the time it would have taken me on my own.
If you think you’re too wise to get a mentor, think again. The wisest men are those who seek help and advice from people they trust.
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September Dohrmann is the COO of CEO Space International. Her role in the company encompasses rebranding, HR, office management, and finding external solutions for the company. CEO Space believes in cooperation among businesses; they seek to build a community that encourages, educates, and fosters new relationships with like-minded people in a conference setting.
Photo: vancouverfilmschool/Flickr
Very sound advice! And not just for men. EVERYONE can be and should have a mentor! Without mentoring, we will never achieve our full potential!