How to realize when you’ve pushed away the love of your life.
Show of hands: How many of you broke up with someone or split up with someone and think that you may have made a huge mistake? The real question is: How do you know? Maybe the one that got away is really the one that got away, but maybe you’re just being impatient and romanticizing your past relationship.
It’s possible that you’re simply lonely and are clinging to the last meaningful relationship you had, but what if you aren’t? What if the one you let go was the one you should have been with?
What if that person is the best thing that will ever happen to you? Should you go back to him or her, ask for forgiveness and try your very best to become a part of his or her life once again?
Well, that last part I can’t tell you. However, what I can help you with is figuring out whether your imagination is simply running wild or whether you should never have let this person go.
1. You basically still think about this person every day.
Maybe not literally every single day of the week – that would be obsession – but if most days you find him or her slipping into mind, then you clearly made a bad move by walking away.
In order for a person to present himself or herself to your consciousness so regularly, he or she must have had a tremendous impact on the person you are today.
In a way, this person is a part of you. If the thoughts are followed with pleasant feelings, then he or she must be a good part of you.
2. You have yet to meet another person you are more impressed with in your life.
I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who compares every single new candidate to the one who meant most to me. If it’s difficult to find someone who can compare then you may be… screwed.
You may think this a bit shallow, but I don’t believe it’s possible for anyone to be happy with an individual he or she believes to be less impressive than a previous partner. I don’t just mean impressive on paper, but impressive personally. Being with anyone who falls short would be settling.
3. You have never loved anyone more deeply or intensely, even if you did love again.
Each time we love, we love a little differently – sometimes very much differently. Many of us are lucky enough to fall in love more than once in our lives, each time bringing slightly different tints of the same feelings.
The thing about love is that it’s more of a drug than anything else. It literally releases the feel-good chemicals in our brains that many synthetic drugs target.
You become addicted to it, and like a drug, our best high is always the most memorable. And we’ll always be searching for that very same high – or higher.
4. This person makes up much of the person you are now.
Some people come into our lives and leave a lasting impression. Some lovers influence our lives in ways that can be almost frightening when realized.
If you find yourself performing certain behaviors – whether it’s grooming, style of clothing, organizing things in a certain way, etc. – because you know that this person would have liked it that way, then you should never have let him or her go.
If you find that you have come to like these same things that same, certain way, then the truth is that you never really let this person go.
5. It’s still the best sex you’ve ever had.
Maybe it was specific moves or the sexual chemistry was especially intense. Maybe it was because sex could be animalistic and romantic at the same time. Whatever it is, considering this person to be the greatest sexual partner you’ve ever had is not a good sign if you’re trying to move on with your life.
That isn’t to say that you haven’t ever had some great sex with other people, but if this person you’re thinking of was the most memorable sex in your life, then you may have made a mistake.
6. If this person needed you, you’d drop everything to help.
This one is often a dead giveaway. For you to be willing to drop everything that you’re doing in order to help him or her when he or she really needs it, you still care an incredible amount. How many people can you say you really care about?
Better yet, how many people would you drop everything for – leave the country for, risk losing your job for, risk pissing off your current partner for? Probably not many. Caring is the only thing that gives life meaning.
7. Your life was never better without this person than it was with him or her.
Sure, we all have (hopefully) many great memories in our lifetimes. Yet, there are certain types of memories that are not only pertinent to the situation you may have found yourself in, but also the most important memories people usually have: those involving other individuals.
If the best memories you’ve created involved the person you split up with, then I think you know you made a poor decision. In the end, you only have your memories… the more great ones, the better.
8. Every time you think of this person, you manage a smile, followed by a wave of deep-seeded sadness.
Smiling is being happy, and being happy is the goal of life. If thinking about a person you let go always brings a smile to your face, you literally drove happiness out of your life.
Now you’re stuck with the sort of happiness that only leaves you feeling like sh*t afterwards – the sort of brief happiness that reminds you of what you lost, or rather, gave away. If you let go of the one then you will likely experience this oxymoronic happiness for a long time.
9. You believe that this person is better than you.
I often think that the right person for us is the person we find to be a better person than ourselves. This person is what we aren’t – what we can’t be or can only strive to become. How can you fall out of love with a person whom you believe to be better than you in so many ways?
Not necessarily every way, but enough ways to keep you in constant awe. I’m not sure it’s possible to stop loving such a person; he or she is a step closer to perfection – an imaginary ideal every human strives for in some way or another.
10. Although you know it’s too late, there’s something in your gut telling you that you wished it weren’t.
You may not like to admit you wish it weren’t too late to try again – and since you’ve read this far, I’d like to wager that this includes you – but you feel this tension in your gut, as if struggling to convince yourself of your own lie.
Sometimes you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you made a bad decision – it’s always best to be honest with yourself. Although, I should warn you that admitting you shouldn’t have let this person go won’t get him or her back.
It may not be too late for the two of you, but it also may very well be. If you admit to yourself that you still love him or her and understand that the ship has sailed then be prepared to hurt and to do so quietly.
The best thing you can do to show this person you love him or her, in this case, is to allow him or her to live life in peace.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
About the author: A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and the two entrepreneurial endeavors he is currently pursuing: a mining company in Turkey and a video content platform called lilHub. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.
I finally realized I let a good woman get away, and it’s all my fault. Back in 2013, I gotten out of a marriage that went bad. I was at a low point and took a contractor job in Afghanistan. I met on LinkedIn a Bangladeshi woman who lives in Malaysia. Even though she worked at jobs, her family is wealthy, her father owns a successful import/export company. We talked and hit it off well. Met her in Kuala Lumpur twice, so I saw first hand, her family is very wealthy. I don’t know what she saw in me, but… Read more »
This wasnt the article for me. And after all of these points that compound my hurt, the advice basically is suck it up.
A lot of those feelings can be attributed to losing familiarity, + nostalgia. I was really hoping for a more objective list that would help separate feelings from reality.
This article sounds like the author wrote it for a specific someone. Hardly appropriate advice for the rest of us. Yes, I do think about my ex every day. He lived in my house, he ate off my plates, he slept on my sheets, he walked through my yard, we were the same motorcycle, sat in my car, he used my towels, you get the drift….I think about him every day multiple times but I am by no means obsessing over him. He was a big part of my life. I think this article if read by someone who thinks… Read more »
This is an incredibly unhealthy and immature article. All of those points are equally symptomatic of obsession and failure to move on. Relationships end for a reason, and if they are broken, they are almost never fixable. It is easy to look back and see only the good points of the person and the relationship, but is also dangerous. Obsession with a past relationship, at the very least, leads to an inability to move on, to learn from mistakes, and to form new, healthy relationships and friendships. At its worst, it can lead to stalking behaviour and physical violence. This… Read more »
This reads like a college freshman or sophomore wrote this after breaking up with their girlfriend/boyfriend. It’s lessons learned after young love, but I have no doubt some of the items on the list would change for the author as he/she matures. It’s truly a fluff piece, nothing more.
Uggg. Why can’t people figure out that relationships are not about us. They are not about how the person makes us think or feel, unless you want a one-sided, one-dimensional relationship. There is nothing here about serving, submitting, or compromising in the person. My best friends fulfill all of these things except the sex part, but that doesn’t mean that they (both men and women) and I are at all compatible of complementary in a romantic relationship. In fact, “Good sex,” shouldn’t even be a factor in considering the “right one,” especially if you understand the science behind sex, the… Read more »
Nice article. As a grammar freak, I just thought the author should know the term is actually spelled deep-seated.
Lazy article. Sorry.
A lot of those feelings can be attributed to losing familiarity, + nostalgia. I was really hoping for a more objective list that would help separate feelings from reality.
Thank you to those that said someone in an abusive relationship might read this all wrong. I am coming to believe that I was in one recently and so, while reading the article, was EXACTLY feeling as though maybe I made a mistake in ending it. The comment thread quickly snapped me back to the reality I can so easily lose right now. Thank you again.
deep-seated.
You read my mind with this article! I was with my ex for almost 8 years, and we broke up mostly due to my problems with depression. He was very smart and hard-working and ambitious, and I think I was just becoming a big disappointment to him. I certainly believe he is a better person than I am. I still think about him all the time. I occasionally catch myself fantasizing that some day, some how, we might reconnect… I really really wish I could go back in time and get help with my issues sooner. When it was good… Read more »
http://grammarist.com/usage/deep-seeded-deep-seated/
I’ve thought these things about every relationship that ended on terms other than my own.
Yes exactly.
“deep-seated”
Thank you!!!
#4: This person makes much of the person you are now…
Sometimes it is hard teasing out what was me before I met my now ex (who was also abusive)….I search my past and I can sort of remember snippets of how I was…eventually, I outgrew him…and I have outgrown a few people…and thus removed them from my life….
I have bonded with people… and then went on my own….perhaps that is the ultimate strength in being able to take what you learned from that relationship and moving on….and making new relationships….
Distance stops the abusive behavior…
Completely agree with Sophie! Life and love is what deeper than this. So for those if you reading this abs have come a long way in getting yourself back together…that is what counts. Not emotional past. Stay happy with who you are now…the best is always ywt to come. What went away, went away for a reason!
I agree with sophie, these are symptoms of addiction. How is this article going to help anyone? Even at the end of your worst relationship people go through feelings like these.
Yep, I definitely let the wrong person go. She’s a wonderful woman and I wish we could have made it work.
Although there are some interestings points mentionned, i think Sophie is quite right., this could be quitw misleading for anyone who was in an abusive relationship. Its a matter of opinion possibly but i don’t think its healthy to consider that this person is better than you or that you feel anyone is for thatm atter. Its one thing to be inspired, motivated and even challenged by another human being but it shouldn’t result in doubting and putting yourself down in order to improve. I believe this person should ignite in you a desire to always be better in a… Read more »
I am concerned that people reading this who have worked very hard to escape destructive relationships might begin to believe that these feelings are an indication that they did the wrong thing. This sounds like what one feels when they are addicted to a person. This can happen with Stockholm Syndrome.
Completely agree with you. Life and love is way deeper than this.
Thank you Sophie! Even when a relationship isn’t abusive, you can still feel this way and letting someone go can still be the right choice if you can’t create a happy life together. In the long term, the practical stuff matters, your passions, your goals, they matter. A while back there was an adorable couple on youtube, singing a song about how they were breaking up, because he wanted kids and she knew she never would. Sometimes your lives will stop fitting together and compromising doesn’t make sense, and that’s ok. You can feel deep regret and loss over a… Read more »
Agreed. This needs one last item: “They never abused you, they never took advantage of you, and they always treated you like royalty. They treated you with nothing but love and respect–even you weren’t in the room.”
I agree! That IS an important point to add