To claim your story and live an honest life, you have to share your pain.
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This morning, I asked what was wanted of me.
What I needed to do to move forward.
What I needed to do to break through.
And I heard.
Share.
Not just share, but open and reveal.
Strip away the polished layers.
Stop hiding behind words.
Set aside the etymology for a while.
And reach inside for truth.
Share that inner part of me that has been kicked, pricked, beaten, and crushed.
The part I allowed to be mistreated and in doing so, mistreated myself.
The part that hurt when my ability to love, to comfort, to provide, to parent, was criticized.
The part that cried when my feelings were demeaned, dismissed, scoffed at, and scorned.
The part that melted when I realized I could no longer trust.
The part that evaporated when an ice-cold stare liquefied my heart then boiled it in a cauldron of insatiable rage.
The part that inoculated itself against the withering illness of doubt with numbing injections of “it doesn’t matter” and “whatever.”
The part that lost a father, a lover, a partner who proved not to be a friend.
The part that lost portions of my manhood.
The part that lost one life and had to rebuild another.
The raw part that, when exposed, is unprotected and completely vulnerable.
The internal organ that absorbs and processes feelings.
The gut that got so wrenched it nearly shut down.
And for a moment I was terrified.
You want me to share that part?
Really?
And with whom?
Everyone?
And I heard, stop trying to protect it yourself.
How did that work out for you anyway?
Give it over.
Allow Me.
Give Me your pain, for I am your balm.
Give Me your joy, for I am your gratitude.
Give Me your power, for I am your source.
Give Me your losses, for I am the giver and taker of all things.
We lose so much in life.
Leadership roles, social position, comforts, possessions, companionship.
At times we are stripped naked, with nothing left but that raw, vulnerable part.
And it is then that we learn what is of value.
The lesson that loss is not a lessening.
That loss need not bring diminishment.
That we can be broken and remain whole.
That sharing our losses is the way to redeem them.
That we can’t lose our future, unless we give up on it.
And knowing I will never give up, I am no longer afraid.
Originally published on Tom Aplomb.
Photo—U.S. Army/Flickr
“And I heard, stop trying to protect it yourself. How did that work out for you anyway?”
Bam. Right there, brother.
thank you for sharing. I have BPD and severe depression. I get you. I wish you comfort…..
Thank you, Tina, and same to you.