To succeed in any endeavor, we need a game plan. Dressing well is no different.
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I’m always surprised by how so few men are well-dressed. I might be walking down the street in London or in an airport anywhere in the world. A well-dressed, stylish man always stands out. What’s surprising is how rare they are. A dapper man is a rare beast.
It isn’t that far of a leap to imagine oneself with a great suit, a sharp haircut, lose a few pounds, straighten out one’s teeth and flash a 1000W smile.
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Why is this? Let’s take the population of men. A very small sub-set are well-dressed. The rest, the vast majority, can be split into two camps: Those that have no wish to be well-dressed and those that do.
Let’s leave the former group to a future post. The latter group, those that do want to be well-dressed but do not succeed in this goal, are the subject of this article.
Many men in this group watch movies and read men’s magazines and admire the cover models, who are the absolute height of well-dressed and stylish dapperness. They might think, to differing degrees, how good it would feel to be as well-dressed and stylish as that. Maybe a 2.0 version of themselves. And why not! It isn’t that far of a leap to imagine oneself with a great suit, a sharp haircut, lose a few pounds, straighten out one’s teeth and flash a 1000W smile. Wouldn’t that be amazing! And it would be.
So what stops men achieving this?
I see three REAL reasons.
REAL reason #1: Psychological Barriers
This is where, slowly but surely, the aspirants start falling off the path before they’ve even started. They talk themselves out of the game before even beginning.
Many will think “maybe sometime in the future, not right now, I’ve got so much on”.
Some might think, “that’s nice, for those that can afford it.”
Or “I could never wear that.”
“Will I stand out like a sore thumb?”
We all have psychological barriers. Some that we’re aware of and many that we’re completely unaware of. Barriers that prevent us from reaching our fullest potential. The above quotes might sound like valid reasons (or excuses) and maybe we’ve even heard these words in our own heads. However, these aren’t the real barriers. These are just ways that we justify and rationalise not taking action. To find the real barriers, we need to dig much deeper within ourselves and deal decisively with our deep-rooted issues.
Much of the time, these excuses mask beliefs that would be too psychologically damaging or humiliating to directly voice, even to oneself. Often what’s going on can be likened to the mass of the iceberg behind the surface of the water.
In reality, for many men, there is a deep sense of unworthiness. They’re really thinking or feeling, “I’m not good enough to wear that or dress like that”.
Or “Who am I am to wear that?”
“Won’t people looking at me think I’m a fraud who’s trying to be something he’s not?”
I have a friend who was reluctant to buy himself a car that he really wanted. A gorgeous Lexus. He could easily afford it but was talking himself out of the buy. He slightly sheepishly said that he felt that people would look at him and wonder why he was driving that car. Notice firstly, that it was about other people. Secondly, it was about what he felt they would think rather than what they actually thought. Thirdly, it was about how he felt about himself.
We have no chance of moving on and achieving the life we want to lead without first identifying and overcoming our own personal psychological barriers.
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These are stunningly limiting beliefs. And we see these in situations all around us. Why do we place so much importance on other people’s opinions, real or perceived? Why can’t we live the life exactly the way that we want to? Why don’t we feel free to lead the life we deep down most desire? Why do we handicap ourselves with thoughts that we do not deserve better for ourselves?
We have no chance of moving on and achieving the life we want to lead without first identifying and overcoming our own personal psychological barriers. If we feel unworthy of living life at full tilt, then we need to rid ourselves of this sense of unworth. Where do these beliefs come from? Why do we allow these negative beliefs to frame our view of the world?
We will get much deeper into these issues and their solutions in coming articles.
REAL reason #2: No clear goal
To succeed in any endeavour, we need a clear goal to aim towards. A top-performing athlete vividly visualises his desired outcome. He imagines how it will exactly how it will feel to kick the ball between the posts, to sink the putt and to nail the basket. He imagines how the trophy will feel to the touch and how noisy the crowd will be when he holds it aloft.
The same is true of becoming well-dressed. It’s not difficult but it takes intelligent planning and common-sense execution. Before all these can happen, we must be clear about what we want at the endgame. We must see ourselves, in our mind’s eye, as dapper, well-dressed men. Down to the minute details such as the texture of your cloth, the shade of your brogues, the watch you sport on your wrist and the dash of your cuff links. A clear picture of your soon-to-be debonair self is essential.
REAL reason #3: No game plan
Some men actually start to take action and seek out advice and guidance from better-dressed peers and online. Learn a few tactics. Buy a few new pieces. Many here fall off the path. They start experiencing resistance from their friends. “what are you wearing? A bit progressive isn’t it?” Or they don’t see results quickly enough and they lose heart.
Becoming well-dressed isn’t rocket science. It’s something theoretically simple like trying to lose weight or giving up smoking. We all know the theory behind achieving these goals and we might go a few weeks on a diet or without a cigarette, but it’s just a matter of time before we binge on pizzas and chain smoke a month’s worth of cigarettes.
To succeed in any endeavour, we need a game plan. To get a six pack, we need to learn from people who have done it before and replicate how they did it. To become better with women, we must learn from those who are naturals.
Dressing well is no different. We need the right guidance from a source who’s walked the path and who will guide us every step of the way. Pointing out where to go. To provide encouragement and a well-needed talking to every now and again. Revealing false summits and taking us to the true top of the mountain.
This article was first published on http://www.howtobedapper.com – reprinted by permission.
All true. Let me add that when one grew up and how one’s parents dressed has something to do with it. Born in 1960 I’m old enough to remember people dressing up for work, shopping, a movie, dinner and especially church. No one was trying to say ‘look at me’ it was just how we ALL dressed. No one dared to slum in public. I still wear cords, button down and cardigan to work and church. Casual has gone too far–I see scores of slobs wearing jammies to shop! Incredible! They would have been arrested 50 yrs ago. I can… Read more »
If you can’t dress well, just buy everything in black, white, and grey (so you don’t fuk it up with color matching.) Don’t buy anything with logos or graphics and Walla! Well dressed.
Haha or you are just really tall. Off the rack – length, width, looks good. Pick any two, an one of the ones you did pick disapears the minute it goes anywhere near a dryer or a warm wash. Tailored. A few items I can afford. Not an entire wardrobe. Tailored in Indonesia. They look good but it’s like the stuff from k-mart. Cheap and lasts all of about 3 months. I gave up years ago. I keep a few things around for weddings, funerals, interviews and dates but by and large I have accepted my inner dag. When it… Read more »
Just because you don’t dress well doesn’t mean that people should treat you less than a human being. Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan dress well, but when you look at their record of how they treated people who are different from them, their record is pathetic.
Very true, they shouldn’t “treat you less than a human being,” but since no one is treated as “less than human being” for dressing like a slob, that’s not even being discussed. When someone dresses well, it means that, among other things, they intend to be taken seriously. Lots of “sexist, racist, arrogant SOBs” likewise dress like slobs. Seriously, don’t argue with the man, just tidy yourself up. It’s also a sign of maturity. What’s really pathetic is grown men acting like nine year old boys complaining about being forced to put on clean clothes.
What I find pathetic is grown men like CEOs who even though they dress well act like spoiled brats that they are being picked on and resort to bullying and calling other groups of people a whole bunch of names when all those groups of people want is a decent standard of living. You can’t buy decent clothes when the CEOs charge too much money for them even when the clothes are made in third world countries and your own wages are pathetic.
It shouldn’t. But thats exactly what happens.
A person can dress very well, but that doesn’t tell me anything about his/her character (more like a lack of character). I have met and seen too many people who dress well and they still acted like a bunch of sexist, racist, arrogant, egotist SOBs who would not hesitate to destroy your life just for the fun of it because they are psychopaths or get that promotion even if it means leaving dead bodies behind in their climb to the top or they are both.
I dress well and I don’t treat people poorly. But then again I came from an era where it was unthinkable to appear in public in sloppy clothes. Now it’s the norm. Try LL Bean if you want to up your style game in a ‘casual’ way. Or look at how we dressed in the 1950’s–stylish.