Father Time is a weekly column dedicated to the concept of time in a parent’s life, particularly a father’s life. The point of view comes from a father of two young sons, both under three-years-old, and how time really is just that: a concept.
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The clock is now ticking. In 450 days, I will turn 40. One leap year and 88 days away. I’m not keeping track. Oh, no. I did the math, just to see. Besides, 450 days is a long way away. But yeah, it’ll be here in no time, and I’ll be saying, “Bye-bye, 30’s, Hello Hill, I’m about to go over you.” (Does anybody say “Over the Hill” anymore?”) No. No, they don’t.
So, I’m aging, and it’s—well, now it’s staring to bug me a little. It never used to. Turning 30 was a breeze. Went skydiving that day. Turning 40—I don’t know. My mom always said everything body-wise starts to break down at 40. Yikes.
That’s it, I thought, the guy has all the time in the world to eat right, work out, and not be stressed by family life. He did seem a little smug about his disposable time, and admitted to not knowing how married-with-children men do “it.”
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Recently, I changed physicians. Found a new doctor at a different health system. On my first appointment, he walks in fresh and bright, his skin taught like a 12-year-old’s. We shook hands, and for a second I thought what most people in this middle age think nowadays: “Is my doctor younger than me?”
My doctor wasn’t. He was ten years older than me, and he said it twice during my visit in the context of my own aging. To kind of let me know what a 48-year-old looks like that is a doctor, isn’t married, and has no kids. That’s it, I thought, the guy has all the time in the world to eat right, work out, and not be stressed by family life. He did seem a little smug about his disposable time, and admitted to not knowing how married-with-children men do “it.” I said to him, sometimes I don’t even know how we eat on a daily basis we’re so busy.
About eating, he said, according to my height, weight, and BMI, I’m considered overweight. Me, a guy who ran the New York City Marathon, a guy who’s cycled Highway 1 from San Francisco to San Diego nine times is overweight?
“I hate telling younger guys that seem in shape that they’re overweight, but the numbers don’t lie,” Doc said. Then he proceeded to tell me his personal regimen and what he shares with patients who need/want to lose weight. A no-fail plan, or so he claimed.
- Exercise a total of 150 minutes a week (break up that time in any way you want)
- All meals should be comprised of one quarter protein (preferably no red meat or poultry—fish only), one quarter carbohydrate, and the rest all vegetables (fresh or steamed)
- No soda
- And dessert—any kind—is permitted, but only have it once a week
I don’t mind going out for a burger if I’m strapped for time. And guess what we do as a family for fun? Go find the hip new doughnut shops.
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“If you don’t lose weight following this plan,” he said, “Then you’re doing something wrong.”
Doing something wrong? I’ll tell you what I’m doing wrong. I’ve been working on my dad bod. I eat when I’m stressed. I’m the head cook at home and have mouths to feed. I don’t mind going out for a burger if I’m strapped for time. And guess what we do as a family for fun? Go find the hip new doughnut shops. They’re today’s cupcake, and they’re run by young dudes with long, thick beards who wear suspenders to hold up their skinny jeans. Those guys are also vegan.
Did you know I saw our local doughnut shop guy at the soup and salad buffet restaurant the other night because I didn’t have a dinner plan? His plate was piled with undressed lettuce and soybeans. How else would you stay thin working at a doughnut shop? Who the heck has 150 minutes a week to work out?
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Photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker.