This comment was by Nicola on the post How to Not let Your Kids Destroy Your Intimacy by Michael J. Russer.
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Reading this made me think quite profoundly about the kind of relationship my parents had. A few years ago, my father left (coincidentally also after 26 years of marriage) and I have never blamed him, because I had seen all of this happen to him while I was growing up. Of course, I also see how it all affected my mother, both during their relationship and after, and I sympathise with both of them. Having children changes the whole dynamic of a relationship; suddenly, there is this other person there who demands so much time and attention – and no matter how much you prepare, it will always come as a surprise.
I think that your advice – to make time for each other and ‘date’ once a week – is really important. Being a child from a similar relationship, I can see how much myself and my sister affected our parents’ relationship with each other, and while I know it isn’t my fault (or hers) I know that we contributed to a damaging situation for both of our parents. My parents both worked full time, they had very little free time for my sister and I, let alone each other. So I think it’s really important that you’ve written this article to highlight the problem.
Thank you
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