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This world of ours is fraught with both darkness and light. It is up to us to choose what we focus on. Do we succumb to the darkness and focus on the negative aspects of our lives?
“I wish I could drive a car like my neighbor’s, but I don’t have enough money.”
“I applied for that job, but they gave it to some Nepalese refugee. They don’t even care that I’m more qualified, they want to drive to look good for diversity panels.”
“My wife doesn’t look as good as I want her to. What can I do to make her start working out?”
These are all statements made by small minds, people that are reactive in their thoughts. Rather than looking inward to see how they can improve themselves, they focus on the perceived negative aspects of others in an effort to change their environment to their suiting. They will never be truly happy, and the only way they know how to experience any sort of fleeting joy is by bringing others down to their level.
This type of mindset can manifest in many ways, including racism, bigotry, domestic abuse, and sexism. It is the latter of those on which we will focus today, specifically on how to avoid having those values unwittingly passed on to your children by negative people in their surroundings.
As much as we like to think we can shelter and protect our children from harmful thoughts and opinions, the world will eventually be revealed to them in all its ugliness and splendor. To deprive them of it would, in fact, be detrimental to their overall development. Introducing them slowly to different difficult aspects of society can be an effective way to allow them to come to their own conclusions while still maintaining the ability to sway their thoughts for the better.
Sexism is an ugly beast, and for those who have experienced it firsthand, it can be frustrating, terrifying, infuriating, and worse. To feel put down because of a part of you that you cannot change, that should not have to be changed at all, must be one of the worst feelings one can experience. As a man, the closest I can say I have knowingly been to sexism is hearing stories from women about issues they have faced. This does not mean it is something I can ignore. I have a mother who has been harassed at work on her way up the corporate ladder. I have a wife who has had numerous experiences. I have a young daughter who will, I’m sure, have to face this beast at some point in her life.
Whether or not I have women in my life is irrelevant, however. The truth about a society is in the success and well being of all of its members. If one group in the society is being persecuted, no group is truly free. Just because the leak in the boat is on the other end from me doesn’t mean I’m safe from drowning.
I have both a son and a daughter, and I have been conscious during their short lives about how issues are presented to them. During play, their brains are creating interactions that mirror what they will experience in their lives as they get older, and how I respond with my involvement in that play has a huge impact on their thought processes. Without directly approaching sexism, I can teach my kids that pink can be anyone’s color, or that both the male and female dolls can be strong or beautiful or smart.
I’m not going to sit my seven-year-old son down and explain to him that some people think women are not as good at math as men, or that because he is a boy he will earn more money than a girl doing the same job. I am going to make sure that characters in his play world are equal in their esteem, and that being male or female has nothing to do with abilities or success.
When my three-year-old daughter tells me that because she is a girl she is happy and that boys are mad, or that the pink cup is hers because it’s a girl color, I have the opportunity to either gently nudge her toward change or solidify her beliefs. I have the choice, it is up to me as the parent ion this situation to remind her that boys can like pink too, and girls can be mad as well.
I’m not going to shove it down their throats, they would be sure to put up a defiant wall as soon as I started pressuring them. They show that ability by closing their mouths tight when it’s time to brush their teeth. I know from personal experience that forcing an opinion or belief on someone will only get all parties involved frustrated.
Children are malleable, but they are born with their own fledgling personalities in place. They rely on us to keep them alive at first, and slowly that influence we hold shifts from simple necessity to core values. Introducing them gently, consistently and gradually over time to those core values will help them learn how to manage themselves as they grow into their place in the world.
In my limited experience as a father, I have learned that the best way for me to teach my children about the ugly beasts in the world such as sexism has been simply to be the best person I can be, and to allow them to see me as I truly am. They see my struggles, they see my wife and I work out our differences. They see how we treat others around us, and they absorb our actions as lessons.
How do I teach my children about sexism? The same way I teach them about table manners, or about treating other people with respect and kindness. By trying my best to be kind, empathetic, thoughtful, truthful, and introspective. Children learn how to interact with society by watching those they look up to. Be the change you want to see in others. Be the person you want your children to grow up to become.
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Photo credit: Getty Images