Two years ago, I had the opportunity to write an open letter to my white friends who understood the election’s impact on my brown children. Every now and again i see the post circulating the internet and it makes me smile that there are people who really get it. I have a unique circle of friends that includes people of all races who have children who get discriminated against due to a specific health concern. When I complain about the way me or my kids have been treated by people who aren’t of color, my white friends (and others) understand my passion to right this wrong. They get it so much they get angry and want to fight on my behalf. I’ve seen them share posts, express outrage on social media, write letters and a few have even made phone calls when my son’s football team was called the “N” word over and over by athletes on an opposing team as they called for change.
Though I appreciate the help, there is a part of me that still knows deep inside they will never fully grasp the hurt I feel as a mother of brown children on a regular basis. This hurt causes me to push my children to be more than other kids all the time not only because I want the best for them but to try and ensure they aren’t looked at as the “THOSE black kids.” Yup, i said it! So many parents like me walk this tightrope every single day. We encourage our kids to bring their whole selves into every arena yet sometimes we fear that in doing so they may be discriminated against not only by people who aren’t black or brown but even in our own culture due to colorism. Colorism in the black race (and some others) has been an issue for a very long time. In case you don’t know what that is, it is a discriminatory practice people of color have within their own race against those who have darker skin tones. It can sometimes even be against those who have lighter skin tones. It stems from the idea that lighter skinned people fare better in life. As a lighter skinned woman, I’ve seen in many case this is true and we too can use thsi privilege to help other. With the issues we face trying to protect our sons (and daughters) as well as ourselves outside of our culture and inside of it, it’s no wonder the stress level on parents of brown kids is extremely high.
Before I lose you, I want to circle back to the topic at hand. There are some who are white who advocate for the fair treatment of marginalized communities including black and brown boys and girls. Jane Elliott and Tim Wise come to mind. I’m not about to debate whether or not people agree with their tactics; however, I do know they have been public with how they feel and use their privilege to bring attention to the issues. Just like with any race, there are many resources in places for girls and for that I’m grateful. Sadly, we still continue to struggle as a people to ensure that our black and brown boys are counted, treated fairly and given the same opportunities as others. We struggle to work with them through any baggage they may have had to deal with due to generational layers of inequality and living off of pure survival instead of being raised on both love and survival. There are whole communities where black and brown boys walk around with weapons on a daily basis not because they want to harm anyone but instead because they don’t want to die and must protect themselves. In a country where people talk about gun toting rights for citizens, it’s a double edged sword for these same boys of color because they are treated as criminals for trying to stay alive.
What can you do as a white person with privilege to help our boys? First realize you have privilege. As I’ve stated over an over again to so many, you didn’t ask for it, but you have it and it’s ok to use it or good. You can walk onto an elevator and have people feel at ease because you don’t look threatening with a pair of baggy jeans on and a sweatshirt that says protect yourself. My sons on the other hand cannot because in many cases they may be mistaken for a gun toting criminal ready to hurt anyone in their path despite having on glasses and the proverbial geeky laptop backpack. It’s not the same for us. The dis-ease of people coming into contact with my sons who automatically fear them and assume they are up to something is unnerving at best and dangerous at worst. Their attempts at trying to give their views or logic about a situation being looked at as aggressive behavior is mind-blowing when I see others do the same thing and they are noted as go-getters or strong and courageous.
Use your privilege to open doors for these boys. Use your privilege to speak up for them at school while keeping in mind you aren’t there to speak FOR them. They are smart and can speak for themselves when they have the chance to do so. Many don’t do so due to the systemic fear instilled in them that says “look invisible, people can’t hurt you if they don’t see you.” Use your eyes to see when treatment is not fair and do something about it. Use your privilege to encourage wider nets for bring in kids to apply for scholarships, opportunities to be in leadership, creation of roles on committees etc. Use your privilege to demand that the world hears their voices just as loudly and effectively as they hear others. When you write articles, use your privilege to bring attention to this issue. use your privilege as a teacher to stand up to unfair disciplinary policies targeting boys of color that often start in elementary school and become part of their permanent record thus giving them no chance by high school to be looked at differently.
Advocating for these boys does not take away from the needs of boys who are not of color. In fact, it adds a a lens to it that so many can’t see and all boys will benefit in the long run. To be in this race, we must include all races or we simply race to fail our entire human race!
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Photo: Unsplash Rafael Biazi
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