Men’s roles are changing and becoming flexible, Quiet Riot Girl writes, which is for the best.
Toward the end of last year, I read an article in the UK newspaper, The Guardian, entitled ‘The Culture of Masculinity Costs All Too Much To Ignore’. But the url left clues as to a draft title which was even more damning: ‘Dangerous Masculinity Everyone Risk’. In the piece, two senior feminist academics basically blamed men and boys for all the trouble in the world. They wrote:
In 1959 the social scientist and policy activist Barbara Wootton looked at the crime statistics and remarked that “if men behaved like women, the courts would be idle and the prisons empty”. Half a century later the British Crime Survey and police crime figures bear her out. In 2009-10, men were perpetrators in 91% of all violent incidents in England and Wales. The figures vary by type of incident: 81% for domestic violence, 86% for assault, 94% for wounding, 96% for mugging, 98% for robbery. MoJ figures for 2009 show men to be responsible for 98%, 92% and 89% of sexual offences, drug offences and criminal damage respectively. Of child sex offenders, 99% are male. The highest percentages of female offences concern fraud and forgery (30%), and theft and handling stolen goods (21% female).
I was horrified by this misandry, being presented as ‘sensible’ social analysis in a national paper. But I was not exactly surprised. As I have written about here at GMP before, feminist-dominated gender studies demonises men, when it is not completely ignoring them:
Feminism has done three things, particularly in relation to masculinity, which relate to how gender studies has come to ignore and belittle men’s experiences and perspectives:any academic treatment of gender has been focused on the disadvantages faced by women and how women have been “omitted” from research, arts, literature, history, etc. Heterosexual masculinity, in particular, has been “pathologized” by some feminist gender academics, and taking an active interest in men and masculinity has been presented as “gay” in itself.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
However, I prefer to look on the positive side of gender, and of men. This site is called the ‘good men’ project after all. What, in spite of the bad rep men get across the board, is good about masculinity?
The first word that jumps to my mind to describe what’s good, no great, about masculinity, is ‘change’. Men—and what is expected of them—are changing so quickly that possibilities keep opening up all the time.
One of the key areas of change for men in contemporary culture is style and self-expression. Gone are the days where men were limited to wearing grey suits or boring jeans. Men’s fashions have expanded and diversified so that boys can develop their sense of personal style and feel good about the way they look, just as women do. This is illustrated by things like the fact that in June 2012, London will host the first ever men’s week in the fashion show calendar. And by the fact that metrosexual sports stars such as David Beckham and Rafael Nadal are known just as much for their menswear modelling as their sporting achievements. Also, it is now possible to buy male beauty products and cosmetics, including make up, false eyelashes and fake tan. Vanity, whether you think it is ‘good’ or not, is here to stay, and it is accepted now as a preserve of men as well as women.
Another way that men, and gender roles are changing is in terms of what is considered ‘man’s work’ and ‘women’s work’. These days it is much more acceptable for men to do jobs previously thought of as ‘feminine’ (or gay), such as nursing, childcare and performing arts. And in the home, men are more likely to look after the children and do the shopping and cooking. This marks the approaching end of the division of labor between men and women that was traditionally a key aspect of gendered inequalities.
Perhaps one of the most important changes for men has been in the realm of physicality. Recent research has shown that far from being cold, unfeeling, and restrained, men are becoming more affectionate with everyone, and in particular, with each other. Kisses on the cheek have replaced handshakes in greetings, and young men even ‘snog’ their male friends as they might a girl friend. Nowadays, text messages and emails between men often end in an “x” (a kiss), and the phrase ‘I love you man’ is becoming more and more common. I think these shifts are great in and of themselves, but they also relate to social justice issues such as homophobia and LGBT rights. Gay marriage is becoming legal in many places, and likely to spread, and rights of recognition for trans identities are coming into being. This is all happening in a context where men are increasing their flexibility and opening up to new ways of being men.
Something that is sometimes overlooked by everyone, is that ‘masculinity’ does not just relate to men. One of the changes I have noticed lately that I celebrate, is how masculinity is being explored by a range of people of various gender identities, and is becoming more fluid as an aspect of gender. Drag kings have had a resurgence, as documented by writers such as Rachel White, and women in general are free to dress and act in ‘masculine ways’ in contemporary culture. Many of us women don’t think twice about wearing jeans or drinking pints of beer, but this has not always been acceptable behavior for ‘a lady’. Trans people are leading the way in blurring the divide between ‘man’ and woman’, ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’. Some trans people make a point of expressing themselves in a ‘non-conforming’ way, and some actually call themselves ‘gender queer’ instead of trans. So if you have a stereotype image in your mind of an uber-femme trans woman in high heels and a tight dress, it is probably wrong. Beyond trans identities, men such as Andrej Pejic and DJ Spanglish are rejecting the traditional expectations of masculinity altogether, and just being themselves.
I sometimes get accused of being a man myself, largely due to my anti-feminist stance in gender politics. But, far from the insult it is intended to be, I take it as a huge compliment. Partly because I love men and masculinity, but also because it shows how gender expression is transforming and, especially online, it is not always possible to tell who is a man and who is a woman. I’d like to live in a world where that distinction is meaningless, and from what I can see, we are on the way to that world being a reality.
—Photo Team Traveller/Flickr
Andrej Pejic has the face and body of a male
It’s impossible to imagine the Guardian running a story by a so-called academic who said,
Quiet Riot Girl!
Thanks for being such a great visible example that women see this stuff as wrong too. That’s so important when we live in a society that hammers young men with the idea that women all agree with feminism or that feminism “represents” women. You’re really fighting for peace in the Sex War, and I bet you get hit from both sides sometimes for your trouble.
I certainly do Byron but in all honesty it is mainly the feminists who give me the trouble. I am challenging their dogma the most.
sorry David I meant!
I’m not sure what this article is saying. Masculinity is better…when it’s femininity? Nothing in the piece is actually about what’s great about masculinity – men’s strength, work ethic, nobility, desire to protect, etc.
I don’t disagree that the world is a better place when men get in touch with their feminine sides, express emotions, and transcend gender-stereotypical careers.
I just think this is the wrong title for this piece.
Hi Evan – well I am challenging what characteristics are associated with masculinity.
I am a woman but I think I am pretty strong and noble for example
haha. i stumbled on this website and thought it was the real deal. then i read this, and i was like, so a good man is more like a woman? like a good male role model is a male model who looks like a woman. or a good man is one who goes to fashion shows and kisses other men on the cheek. that may be the perfect man to you, to a woman who values a higher dose of femininity with her masculinity, but to say that’s masculinity is like dressing a dog as a cat and saying it’s… Read more »
Putting everything else in your comment aside…
‘to say that’s masculinity is like dressing a dog as a cat and saying it’s one.’
How do you dress a dog as a cat?
No – a good man is not like a woman. That’s not the point at all. A good man is fully a man no matter how he express himself. A good man has the confidence embrace *all* of himself. A good man does not feel the need to restrict himself to a limited list of acceptable behaviours for men – he know that his masculinity will not be damaged by kissing-on-the-cheek or being interested in fashion. Neither is he afraid to be stereotypically male. His masculinity comes from inside; it’s not a suit he’s wearing.
id say the opposite Id say masculinity is very much a ‘suit’ people wear. I think Judith Butler may agree with me too!
I don’t think Quiet Riot Girl is opposed to letting the “chips fall where they may” with regards to individual expression. Fluidity is just another category anyway, but the ability to express in your own set of comfortable shoes is the “change” on deck. I am wary of change driven by hyper consumerism, and how it paints over more authentic (I cringe using that word) change. But all of this talk hangs on a delicate thread anyway – one innocuous rogue asteroid would quickly put an end to designer pink steel toed shoes and even Hugo’s Twitter Gate. One could… Read more »
One can hope, but if there is one species on this planet that is going to survive a rogue asteroid and the resulting mass extinction, it will be that goddamed weed species of stinky monkeys on two legs.
While I appreciate that men can now have their choice of career, I disagree that men have more options as far as fashion to express themselves. I feel like we’ve only shifted from the grey suit to the knit sweater and rolled cuff pants. Being “Metro” feels like it’s being forced on men rather than an option. And I for one like my man in a suit, he looks good in it. I married a masculine man complete with chest hair and a beard. We get additional screened at the airport every time we cross the border, and asked if… Read more »
People love uniforms. They invent them for themselves and enforce them on their peers. That’s true for business attire – here in Seattle wearing a suit identifies you as a banker or a lawyer – support personnel – and not a power player, so people avoid suits like any other derogatory label. That’s the power of the uniform. So whether it’s suits or jeans or whatever, people are going to confomr and isnsit on conformity. But that’s work attire, not fashion. Fashion is for self-expression in a social setting while work attire is for projecting whatever image the employer wants… Read more »
I know what you mean. But maybe women are restricted too in that way – I do think men have been playing catch up with women in the ‘freedom’ and ‘style’ stakes and now they are pretty well level pegging
sorry my comment was aimed at breadwinner
I do think men have been playing catch up with women in the ‘freedom’ and ‘style’ stakes and now they are pretty well level pegging
i dont see how you can say that.
i dont see men wearing skirts, dresses etc in my town (apart from me lololol).
the men’s section in clothing stores remains much smaller than the women’s
While I truly appreciate the sentiment, I really do, the whole tone seems to be a bit too much “Now men can do the shopping and dishes and be called vain too. Isn’t that awesome” I don’t want to be a transsexual, nor a nurse. I would have much preferred a column about men’s increased expression of emotion and others response to that. Noting backlash to Tom’s recent piece for example. Or talking about sex.. How “out of the closet” just a accurately references heterosexual male desire and internet porn use as much as homosexuality. You see where I’m going… Read more »
“I would have much preferred a column about men’s increased expression of emotion and others response to that. ”
Write it?
Interesting article. It brings to mind that song by The Kinks (Girls will be boys and boys will be girls/It’s a mixed up world, a shook up world except for LOLA / La,la,la,la LOLA)
I love that song – I should have quoted it!
Nothing wrong with change and accepting differences in people. I just feel like I’m in the middle of powerful social forces who are trying to define what I am and create expectations for who I should be.
Rather than offering and expecting men to conform to new standards, shouldn’t men have the choice to free themselves of all those expectations and choose for themselves?
exactly I think in many cases they are, too! That’s why I included Andrej Pejic and DJ Spanglish who defy all expectations of what a man looks like for example.
The pictures of Andrej Pejic are very interesting. I strongly suggest anyone who has not already to look at them. The comment by the (I assume female) journalist about how intimidating he is to her is actually quite interesting. I think you can get the same effect sometimes with a guy who looks very classically male and handsome, but with him looking so classically feminine it is more obvious: For even a moderately vain female, spending time with Pejic is like losing a race to someone who’s not even running: If he were not a man, he would be the… Read more »
great points I agree
Thank you, Quiet Riot Girl. Its quite something to see an article about men or masculinity here or anywhere in the mainstream media for that matter that isn’t stabbing us in the back in some subtle or overt way, also thank you for demonstrating exactly who and what is trying to destroy us, with their violence and hate encoded in words and ideology.
Thank you.
It’s a pleasure Man!
QRG
I wonder if the management could be persuaded to link the article with a more dignified image of men, instead of the degrading image that currently there?
The photo is a bit ridiculous I admit. I sent them some images but they didn’t use them. I am trying to look at it as comedy…