Dearest Husband,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. Perhaps you are still mourning me. Let yourself grieve.
Don’t assume you are being strong for our children by holding back your tears. You will do a great disservice to yourself by indulging in this mindset. I feel its important to channel your grief, get it out of your system, get past it and heal from it.
I leave you with the single most important responsibility of my children.
They are my world and you are the sun to our small solar system. Let the warmth of your light shine bright on them, never keep them in shadows of who you are under the pretense of being strong. Show them your victories, your battles, your failures, your wishes, your scars. Show them how to live life by leading it your way.
I have enjoyed every bit of our married life and discovered something new about you each day. Knowing my children, I’m sure they’re going to enjoy getting to know you too, provided you let your guard down in front of them.
As children, they will learn to mirror your emotions, therefore I request you to please run miles away from the authentic definition of a typical desi dad.
Because this entails a physically present and an emotionally absent father, who provides for his family, comes home every night, but seems so uptight and sometimes harsh about his disciplinary standards that the children prefer running to their bedrooms as soon as they hear their dad pull up in the driveway. Whose only job as a father in the domestic circuit is to use his thundering voice to straighten up his kids when they don’t listen to Mama.
Even though these men were great, resilient, hard working fathers they have all failed to bare their emotions in front of their children, their kids reciprocated the similar uptightness.
While the father and children love each other dearly, there is no emotional connection between them. Its hard and perhaps near-impossible to break the ice with teenage kids, the only key to not letting this happen is to never drift apart so far away that it takes years for you and them to bridge that gap and find any emotional connection again. I beg you to please never be that guy.
I feel that my faith has played a vital role in shaping my personality. I’m a firm believer and I hope you keep our children guided, firm on their faith in God too. There is no better way of honoring my legacy than directing them to my strong code of morals and values, that have guided me through every decision I’ve ever made.
Remind our childrenbevery day, “You are not like anyone else because you were meant to stand out.”
A humble request to you is to please discount my flaws when you describe me to my children. I hope they gather a positive image of their mother from your descriptions as they grow older.
When people lose their spouse they assume that they must remain to grieve for the rest of their life, symbolic of their devotion to their deceased spouse. This is exactly the kind of life I don’t want you to live.
. . .
My final request to you is: Take your time to heal, take a break, grieve, but encourage yourself to get out of it too. Give your life another shot, move on, seek something new in life.
Our marriage was nothing short of a fairytale and I love you too much to ever want to watch you decay in a self-proclaimed exile from companionship.
I want you to move on. Knowing you and your firm stance against betrayal and disloyalty I assure you, NO! moving on is not a way of betraying your deceased spouse, instead, it is your way of honoring their memory, by being the happy individual that your spouse loved you for.
While we are at this subject, when and how you choose to move on is solely dependent on an unforeseen circumstance, yet if you ever let in another person into your life, remember that you were a father to a child even before this new person ever came into your life.
Do not ever try to alter or diminish your relationship with your children for anyone else’s sake. Someone who chooses to accept you but not your children doesn’t deserve an entry into your life. No one can pick and choose pieces of you that they like and dislike. You and your children are a whole package. Take it or leave it. You are already a family with or without them.
If someone approaches you to complain about one if our child always check with them first. Ask them in confidence and assurance before you take action, because let’s face it some third parties with malicious intent carry the potential to slowly but steadily stir your relationship with your child in an out of control spiral of disregard and indifference.
Our children have already lost a parent to fate, don’t make them lose another to a bunch of misunderstandings.
I fully trust your ability to pull off a splendid job with our kids in my absence. I have no doubts whatsoever on any of you.
The only thing I’ve been certain about throughout my life is that there is no certainty in life.
Here is to a fulfilling life, happy beginnings and heartfelt endings.
I will love you all till the end of time or perhaps till the end of my time.
Love,
Wifey.
. . .
This letter was written in a spirit to address what needs to be addressed before the final hour arrives. I was neither sad while writing it nor is it my desire to sadden the readers with it. It is only prudent that one spends their life being aware of how uncertain our eventual end will be and prepare likewise. Being aware of death has only motivated me to spend that extra hour with my family, make those long calls to family members, pursue my ambitions, give lots of love and gifts to my family and friends, say only the kindest words because who knows it could be the last time I spoke to them or they spoke to me. It has motivated me to live to my fullest and refrain from saying, doing or even wearing anything that I don’t want to be caught dead in (lol! excuse the pun).
Our Graves are our final destination, no matter how long we live here, it will become our eventual abode. Most people believe that their life in the grave will be dictated by their life on earth. The more faithful, generous, kind, loving, humane you are, the merrier your afterlife would be.
So I decided that I will spend at least one hour of each day preparing for my afterlife. I made a will just in case, wrote letters to my family for motivation and assurances for how uplifting their presence was in my life and each day I try to do at least one act of charity. I urge you to do the same. There is no bigger contentment for a man than to serve his fellow creation.
“Live your life the way you want to be remembered.”
—
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
***
You might also like these from The Good Men Project:
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Unsplash
