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Confidence is one of the backbones of attraction. Our ability to value ourselves, our worth, and our power directly impacts how others value us in return.
If you want to build your confidence, break through your own inner blocks, and start being the person you want to be, come and join my Virtual Retreat in March! Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and make 2022 your BIGGEST year of achievement, transform your relationships, and skyrocket your self-esteem in 3 amazing days!
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
my confidence has to be derived from
00:03
something deeper i’m here on this earth
00:06
once
00:07
and this is what i have right so
00:10
let me go and make the most of that and
00:12
if you’re kinder to yourself you start
00:14
to like yourself more and when you start
00:15
to like yourself more you’re onto
00:17
something
00:21
i want to talk about where real
00:23
confidence comes from and why it’s so
00:27
important in creating a happy life most
00:30
people in life
00:32
don’t start very confident and then they
00:35
work through their early years trying to
00:38
acquire things and make something of
00:40
themselves and achieve things so that
00:42
they can feel confident they go for
00:45
a job that makes them feel accomplished
00:47
they try and get a partner who looks a
00:50
certain way or makes them feel a certain
00:53
way someone that they can you know go
00:55
out with and say look who i’m with look
00:57
what i have in the way of a relationship
01:00
and of course someone just to feed their
01:01
confidence
01:03
they try to buy stuff
01:06
in order to feel confident so that they
01:08
can say look at my house look at my car
01:10
they acquire contacts
01:13
friendships
01:15
make themselves part of certain clubs
01:18
in life live in a certain destination so
01:22
these things
01:24
are there to feed
01:26
confidence
01:29
the problem is all of this stuff makes
01:32
people inherently vulnerable what i
01:34
think is really interesting about life
01:36
is how many people that we think are
01:37
really confident just have
01:40
all of these things working for them
01:42
right now but if one of these things
01:44
went down especially one of the
01:46
important ones all of a sudden their
01:48
whole ego would crumble because it’s
01:51
based on these external factors what we
01:53
want is to graduate our confidence to to
01:57
hopefully mature enough to a point where
01:58
we realize
02:00
my confidence has to be derived from
02:03
something deeper this isn’t you know
02:06
part one
02:09
and this is part two
02:11
we actually have to flip that so this
02:14
is part one
02:16
and this then becomes part two
02:19
and that is what everyone has wrong
02:22
they believe that their life mission is
02:25
to acquire enough stuff enough
02:28
importance through their relationships
02:29
enough importance through their calling
02:31
or their job that they can feel
02:34
confident about themselves this is
02:36
completely upside down
02:38
this
02:39
is where we start and the reason that’s
02:42
so important
02:44
not
02:45
it’s important on two levels
02:47
one it makes us
02:48
safe our whole identity our whole
02:51
confidence and self-worth isn’t
02:54
vulnerable to these things changing all
02:56
the time because we start from that
02:58
place
02:59
so what that allows us to do is be
03:02
happier in these things because we can
03:05
enjoy them for what they are instead of
03:07
constantly being afraid that they’re
03:08
going to go away and therefore living
03:10
from a place of anxiety so emotional
03:13
stability and happiness is
03:15
one big result we get from building that
03:18
relationship within ourselves first
03:20
the second big benefit is a very
03:22
practical one which is
03:25
these things it’s not that they’re not
03:26
important it’s not that having a great
03:28
relationship isn’t important or having a
03:30
great work life you know in creating
03:32
purpose in your life isn’t important
03:34
it’s not that
03:35
having things can’t be fun for its own
03:38
sake or any of these things friendships
03:40
belonging to certain communities all of
03:43
these things can be important but
03:47
i believe
03:49
we need to start with core confidence
03:51
start with a really strong relationship
03:53
with ourselves where we feel enough
03:55
so that we can truly go and make an
03:57
impact in these areas
03:59
because as long as we’re living as long
04:02
as our confidence is living off of these
04:04
areas we actually go to these areas with
04:06
an anxious energy that stops us from
04:08
taking risk stops us from let’s say in a
04:11
relationship setting standards with the
04:12
person we love stops us from having
04:15
difficult conversations with people that
04:17
would actually improve those
04:19
relationships but in the short term risk
04:22
creating friction we would you know if
04:24
you take the example of me making a
04:25
video if i’m worried about what everyone
04:27
thinks then i make a video that pandas
04:30
to what people want me to say instead of
04:32
making a video that’s for impact and the
04:35
result the difference in the result is
04:37
huge one is playing it safe
04:40
and is very much reliant on whether i’m
04:43
liked by the end of it and the other one
04:45
is just based on is this gonna make an
04:47
impact if i already love myself
04:49
if i have a great internal confidence
04:51
right now that says i’m enough on my own
04:53
i have intrinsic value i know who i am i
04:56
know why i love myself i know what my
04:57
relationship with myself is then i come
05:00
to a video to provide value then i say
05:01
this isn’t about me this is i’m not
05:04
coming to get something out of this i’m
05:05
coming to bring my self-love to this i’m
05:07
coming to bring my stability to this and
05:09
to make a case for whatever it is i want
05:12
to say i’m here to make an impact so
05:14
when we have core confidence we can go
05:16
to all these areas to make a true impact
05:18
instead of going to them to try to get
05:20
something you can go to your
05:21
relationship to make an impact in your
05:23
relationship i act out of love instead
05:26
of acting out fear if you want to be
05:28
truly happy in your life by
05:31
enjoying the things that you’re creating
05:33
in your life enjoying the things you
05:35
have instead of
05:37
living with the anxious vulnerability of
05:40
if they go away i’m nobody i’m nothing i
05:42
have no value and if you want to make a
05:46
genuine impact in your life in the world
05:49
in your relationships in your career
05:53
then we have to start with core
05:55
confidence and then bring that core
05:57
confidence to all of these areas of our
05:59
lives if you want to see by the way i
06:01
wanted to show you something this week
06:03
as a kind of
06:04
direct representation
06:08
of what it looks like when someone goes
06:10
from
06:11
a place of fear
06:12
to a place of confidently making an
06:15
impact
06:17
i have a video for you a training that
06:20
is taken from my at-home retreat program
06:23
many of you know twice a year i do a
06:25
live retreat but a couple of years ago i
06:27
turned that into an at-home version for
06:29
people at home
06:31
i’ve taken a piece of that training
06:33
where i bring a woman onto the stage and
06:36
take her from part one
06:39
here to making this part one so that she
06:42
could go and make a genuine impact check
06:45
it out it’s at this link click the link
06:48
now and you can be watching that free
06:49
training right now i think this is
06:51
important to everybody because this
06:52
isn’t a video for you know the
06:54
downtrodden who have no confidence
06:57
whatsoever this is a video to anyone
07:00
whose confidence right now is inherently
07:03
based on something that is leaving them
07:05
highly vulnerable to life changes
07:09
and
07:10
is minimizing their impact in life
07:13
because that’s where they’re living
07:14
emotionally
07:20
i like the idea that we write down on a
07:22
piece of paper our new year’s
07:23
resolutions you know i want to do i’m
07:25
going to be confident this year
07:27
and then all of a sudden there’s that
07:30
little voice in our head that says you
07:32
do
07:33
realize we still
07:35
hate ourselves don’t you
07:37
and you go
07:39
but why are you still here
07:41
it’s 2021.
07:44
why are you still here because it’s
07:46
still there that’s what life does it’s
07:48
just
07:49
our problems continue and it’s up to us
07:52
to deal with them since life is all just
07:55
a continuum at any point we can decide
07:58
to disrupt the patterns that we live by
08:02
on that continuum and now the beginning
08:04
of a new year is as good a time as any
08:07
to do that because we want to start
08:09
living the life we want today we want to
08:12
be happier or more confident or more at
08:15
peace or more at ease with ourselves or
08:17
more clear about our direction and
08:20
intentional
08:21
today not next year because we want the
08:24
benefits today that’s the reason to do
08:26
it right now is not because it’s the
08:29
beginning of january but because
08:31
we want the benefits of change now i
08:35
have a clip
08:36
that was taken from a video that stephen
08:40
my brother stephen hussey and i did
08:42
together that was all about how to be
08:44
the most confident version of yourself
08:46
and i think it’s a wonderful time for us
08:47
to release this clip i know you’re going
08:49
to love this
08:51
check it out and i’ll see you back here
08:53
at the end of the video hey matt i have
08:55
a question for the podcast i would be
08:57
really interested in the insecurities
09:00
that you have to struggle with because
09:01
you are one of the most confident people
09:03
here on social media and a great role
09:05
model and that’s why i’m always
09:07
wondering if there was anything you have
09:09
to struggle with
09:11
do you i don’t know if i’m one of the
09:13
most confident people on social media
09:17
luckily she said it so i would never oh
09:20
you would never catch me saying that
09:21
about myself i um people do describe you
09:25
as you know to me as like matt’s so
09:28
confident in himself and
09:30
you know
09:31
they they feel like you’re
09:35
you got it made right i
09:37
m what insecurities
09:39
why i think i have all the same
09:41
insecurities as
09:43
as other people i think it’s always the
09:46
extent to which your insecurities
09:48
dominate you yeah because what is that
09:50
then if you’ve got all the insecurities
09:52
other people have is it is it just
09:54
perception that you’re perceived as more
09:56
confident because i i think there is a
09:58
level of confidence in you that many
10:00
other people don’t
10:01
possess
10:03
but as your brother
10:04
i know there are things
10:06
you know like all of us there are things
10:08
you think oh i’d like that to be a bit
10:10
different about myself oh i don’t feel
10:12
great in my body today or this so what
10:14
do you think that is do you think you
10:16
just are good at
10:17
overcoming those or or
10:20
you know not letting those define you
10:22
how you’re going to come across
10:24
i think
10:25
it’s a combination of things it’s
10:29
you
10:30
firstly
10:31
you do what you can where you can right
10:33
so you work on your body to the extent
10:35
that you can
10:37
your looks you work on them to the
10:39
extent that you can
10:41
you
10:42
there are certain things that you you do
10:44
what you can with what you have it’s not
10:46
being confident isn’t about accepting
10:48
the worst version of yourself
10:51
you figure out what power you have over
10:53
certain things we can all
10:55
groom
10:56
shape ourselves
10:58
look after ourselves in order to look
11:00
better and feel better if we’re talking
11:01
about physical for example which is a
11:03
major level of area of insecurity for a
11:05
lot of people
11:07
and then past that point i think
11:09
confidence can be
11:11
a combination of self-acceptance and
11:15
fatalism
11:17
self-acceptance in that you grow to love
11:21
you know you sort of la you know we talk
11:22
about this on the retreat
11:24
you
11:25
love yourself because you’re all you
11:27
have
11:29
and because
11:30
you’re someone that you’re responsible
11:32
for
11:33
right people don’t love their kids
11:35
because they’re the best
11:37
they love their kids because they’re
11:39
responsible for their kids
11:40
and because they want the best for them
11:43
um
11:44
so that’s the self-acceptance part the
11:46
fatalistic part is the part where you go
11:49
it no matter how much i worry about
11:51
this thing
11:52
it isn’t gonna get better like it’s not
11:56
it’s not me worrying that i don’t look
11:58
as hot as that person isn’t gonna make
12:00
me hotter
12:03
so
12:04
this is what i’m i’m here on this earth
12:06
once
12:07
and this is what i have right so
12:11
let me go and make the most of that
12:13
and stop worrying that i can’t that i’m
12:15
not as whatever as this person because
12:18
i’m not
12:19
i’m just not like it’s
12:22
there’s certain things i’m never gonna
12:23
be
12:24
and i think that when you get
12:26
comfortable with that
12:28
and when you get fatalistic about it
12:30
then you just go well then i’ll do the
12:32
best i can with that
12:34
right and that guy is not better than me
12:36
because he was born better looking or
12:38
taller
12:40
or whatever like it doesn’t
12:41
that
12:42
that’s
12:43
like that’s the lottery he won yeah
12:47
right we won certain lottery tickets too
12:49
like but it doesn’t it doesn’t make
12:52
someone better than me that they had
12:54
different resources
12:56
that they were gifted different things
12:58
at the outset that doesn’t make anyone
13:00
better than me yeah just means that’s
13:02
what they got
13:04
so
13:04
this is what i’ve got
13:06
what my my whole game in life is what
13:09
can i do with that
13:11
and what can i do with that this is what
13:12
i got yeah what can i do with it
13:15
like that to me is what makes your life
13:17
a work of art
13:19
it’s like how can i play the game with
13:21
these cards like what kind of game could
13:23
i play with these yes
13:24
like i i this yeah what art could i make
13:28
out of the i’ve been given a it’s like
13:30
you know like in uh what what are the
13:32
shows like masterchef or whatever where
13:34
they just get given like a handful of
13:35
random ingredients right right yeah yeah
13:38
like a bit of carrot here’s some
13:40
cinnamon
13:41
there’s some creme fraiche here’s a bit
13:43
of salmon and they’re just like go for
13:45
it they don’t they don’t sit there for
13:47
the next
13:48
hour that they have crying over the
13:51
ingredients
13:52
i bloody wish i had some creme fraiche
13:54
right now no they go i’ve got an hour
13:56
i’ve got one hour to make the most of
13:59
these ingredients and how good of a chef
14:01
i am has zero to do with these
14:03
ingredients
14:05
it has everything to do with how i use
14:07
the i’m not going to be graded on
14:10
how good of a draw i did in the
14:12
beginning on my ingredients that’s not
14:14
what masterchef is about is it even
14:15
masterchef the show that i’m talking
14:17
about it’s one of them it’s one of the
14:18
shows where they get given it’s one of
14:20
the thousand cooking shows
14:21
i’m not gonna get graded on
14:25
like i drew the ingredient they don’t
14:27
all draw ingredients and then the show
14:29
ends there and they go well jonathan won
14:33
cause he drew a bit of steak and some
14:35
garlic butter and some asparagus and
14:38
jonathan got the ribeye and no one’s
14:40
gonna top that
14:41
come on call it call it jonathan’s
14:43
drawing the rib eye
14:45
they don’t that’s not the show that
14:47
wouldn’t be a show right right it’s not
14:49
roulette it’s the show is they all get
14:53
given ingredients
14:54
let’s now see how great of a chef they
14:57
are
14:58
that’s life wow
15:01
we all got ingredients we’re not going
15:03
to be great like
15:04
anyone worth talking to isn’t going to
15:06
grade you on your ingredients
15:09
they’re going to grade you on
15:11
what did you do with those ingredients
15:13
that’s how that’s now you’re a chef
15:15
be a chef don’t be someone who’s trying
15:17
to draw a good hand
15:18
and even for me even if no one thinks
15:20
you even if no one ever realizes what
15:22
you did with those ingredients you do
15:26
and that’s worth noting too go back and
15:29
look at what you did with your like look
15:30
at if you want confidence look at what
15:32
you already did with a bunch of your
15:34
ingredients
15:36
like what did you already do where have
15:37
you already been a chef yeah in your
15:40
life and that you’re not giving yourself
15:41
enough credit for because if you look at
15:43
that
15:44
you’ll see you you forget those really
15:46
quickly right we forget really quickly
15:49
the amazing recipes we have put together
15:52
yep because we just move on from that
15:54
and go yeah but i’m i i didn’t i haven’t
15:56
achieved this yeah because you’re always
15:58
looking at the meal that you haven’t
15:59
cooked but look at the ones you already
16:01
cooked
16:02
that’s amazing
16:04
if i if i want to get ridiculously
16:06
confident right now all i need to do is
16:08
look at the meals i already cooked
16:10
and and then i’m gonna go my god and i
16:14
cooked those meals with who i was five
16:17
years ago
16:18
or ten years ago i was a much worse chef
16:21
then
16:22
than i am today and look what i already
16:25
cooked
16:26
so imagine what meal i can cook today
16:28
with what i have
16:29
whatever ingredients you find yourself
16:32
starting with this year don’t judge the
16:34
ingredients
16:35
the ingredients aren’t your art the way
16:38
you use them is
16:40
and by the way if you want to use your
16:42
ingredients to full effect to see what’s
16:44
possible for you and i really believe
16:46
that
16:47
our minds today cannot even conceive of
16:49
what’s possible
16:51
what our ingredients could become a year
16:53
from now five years from now 10 years
16:55
from now when i look back on my life no
16:57
matter how big i dreamed i know there
16:59
were things that i’ve been able to do
17:01
and create and make happen that were
17:04
beyond anything i could have conceived
17:06
of then
17:12
this video is for you if you feel like
17:14
no matter what you’ve done to improve
17:17
your confidence be it in your external
17:19
appearance or what you’ve achieved in
17:21
your life how many new relationships
17:23
you’ve gotten with friends or family or
17:25
partners your internal deep level
17:28
confidence has never really improved in
17:31
the way that you wanted it to the same
17:33
insecurities that have always haunted
17:35
you are still there
17:37
i’m going to take you right now to a
17:39
live clip from a seminar i did recently
17:42
in melbourne australia where there was a
17:44
woman in the room who had exactly this
17:46
issue in my answer i give her a model
17:50
for confidence that is going to help you
17:52
too and watch to the end of this clip
17:54
because afterwards i’m going to join you
17:56
back here on this sofa with a free gift
17:59
that is going to show you how to take
18:00
that model and begin implementing it
18:03
today i remember that you say something
18:05
on your video you said if you’re living
18:07
extraordinary life
18:09
having someone great just a byproduct so
18:12
for me in my life i always focus how to
18:14
be the best version of myself and i find
18:16
like that something always stopped me
18:18
from getting the best version of myself
18:21
it’s not confident enough yes so how to
18:24
be really just confident
18:26
not just fake it but really really from
18:28
the bottom of our hearts just be
18:30
confident i think that’s a great
18:32
question the whole you know how do i
18:34
how do i
18:36
learn how to be confident at the deepest
18:38
level i always teach
18:41
there’s three levels of confidence
18:44
there’s the surface level
18:46
the surface level is how other people
18:47
perceive you
18:49
it’s all the things you do on the
18:50
surface the lifestyle level is what you
18:53
do in your life that gives you
18:55
confidence
18:56
skills hobbies work
18:59
family friends all the things you derive
19:01
confidence from
19:03
the deepest layer is the core
19:06
and the core is the layer that if you
19:08
get that figured out makes you
19:11
the next best thing to invincible
19:13
emotionally
19:14
now it doesn’t stop you going through
19:15
pain but what it does do is it means you
19:18
can lose things
19:20
and you know at the bedrock of your
19:22
confidence you’ll still be okay
19:25
that getting to that place that you’re
19:27
talking about is an emotional process
19:30
not a logical one
19:32
okay
19:33
and this isn’t me selling you this is
19:35
just me giving it to you how it is the
19:37
reason i do that on my retreat is
19:39
because it’s an emotional process and it
19:41
takes me five days to get people there
19:44
it’s not something that in two hours in
19:45
a room like this i can do for people
19:48
because ever i studied this for years
19:50
because i was fascinated by the answer
19:51
to that question what makes someone
19:54
truly confident on almost an
19:56
unconditional level so that your
19:57
confidence wasn’t tied to whether this
19:59
person said yes or no to you right it
20:01
came from within true internal
20:03
validation
20:05
i studied that for years
20:07
and what i learned about that i put on
20:09
that program but i take people on an
20:11
emotional journey to get there because
20:13
there’s some things that logic doesn’t
20:14
solve
20:15
if logic solved everything then
20:17
you know telling someone on the front of
20:19
a cigarette packet that you’re gonna die
20:22
would stop people smoking
20:25
but it doesn’t logic isn’t enough you
20:27
have to control people’s emotion but
20:29
emotion is a more subtle process to
20:31
transform yourself emotionally so
20:32
logically you might know you’re enough
20:34
and everyone might tell you you’re
20:36
enough
20:37
but for whatever reason no matter what
20:39
happens in your life no matter how much
20:40
you achieve no matter how many facials
20:43
you get to make your skin look great no
20:44
matter how much you go to the gym to
20:46
lose weight no matter what you do it
20:48
still doesn’t solve that problem of your
20:50
own self-worth
20:51
that’s what i do for people on the
20:53
retreat um and it just takes longer but
20:56
thank you i just asked one
20:59
so before i might see you on florida
21:02
wait you’re coming
21:04
i think so oh great
21:07
all right
21:08
why did you put me through all of that
21:13
but let’s start from tonight what is
21:15
that’s something i can do like from
21:17
tonight every single day maybe between
21:18
now and the retreat the one tip i can
21:20
give you between now and the retreat in
21:22
october is start being more kind to
21:24
yourself
21:25
in all the little ways that you can be
21:27
start being more kind to yourself like
21:30
um uh neelam is it neelam
21:32
neelam you know
21:34
it’s hard enough to miss this guy
21:37
or to feel like it sucks that you’ve
21:40
been back there over and over again
21:42
without beating yourself up for feeling
21:44
that
21:45
and that’s what we do we do twice
21:47
we beat ourselves twice
21:49
once with the feeling and once for
21:50
feeling the feeling right because you’re
21:52
going why do i miss him still why am i
21:54
feeling this
21:55
be being kinder to yourself is allowing
21:57
yourself to feel that and experience
21:58
that and not demonize yourself for it
22:01
recognize that hey it’s actually a gift
22:03
that you’re the type of loving person
22:04
that can feel on that level and so many
22:07
people i know because i meet them all
22:09
the time have numbed themselves to
22:11
feeling what you’re feeling right now
22:13
right they’ve made themselves numb so
22:14
they can’t even feel pain like that give
22:16
yourself props for being courageous
22:19
courageous enough to actually feel pain
22:22
and care about someone that much and
22:24
feel that connected to someone and not
22:25
shut yourself off to love and recognize
22:28
that now it’s about steering that energy
22:29
in a more productive direction but don’t
22:31
beat yourself up for feeling those
22:33
feelings because if you didn’t miss him
22:34
if you didn’t feel connected to him if
22:36
you didn’t feel all of that you you also
22:38
wouldn’t be capable of loving the next
22:40
person that’s going to come along who’s
22:41
going to be better
22:42
right so it’s about being kind
22:44
[Music]
22:45
be kind to yourself along the way
22:48
especially when things are going wrong
22:50
and if you’re kinder to yourself you
22:51
start to like yourself more and when you
22:53
start to like yourself more you’re on to
22:55
something
22:56
all right thank you i really want you to
22:58
watch this next video i think it’s going
23:00
to make a big difference in your life
23:02
click the link here and then
23:04
we’re looking every day for reassurance
23:06
did you mean what you said yesterday are
23:08
you are you really going to stay with me
23:10
are you really never going to cheat on
23:11
me
23:12
we can never get enough reassurance and
23:14
reassurance always needs to be topped up
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
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