Why didn’t I tell anyone? Why did I allow my depression to push me into this dark web of secrecy? What did I learn about myself throughout these conflicting struggles of self-induced pain? Why am I now coming forth with my story? The frustrations and agony of isolation were too much to bear. Yet, I endured like a soldier, sacrificing my mental health for the sake of my children, family, and community. How many other black men are placing their lives in danger daily for the benefit of communal preservation?
If I could have run away, I would have done so. The hand of God kept me in place until the lessons were learned. All I can think about now is, “What was that all about”? After a few moments of deliberation, I am tasked with taking the garnered wisdom and creating transformative experiences.
In the face of conventional wisdom, my mind wanted to flee the States, but my heart said to stay and wrestle through the change process. I wrestled and found myself creating patterns of self-sabotage to cope with the anxiety of living in a social construct that I would have never espoused for myself. I did the work and finished the course, and now I must reflect on helping others along their paths.
I just wanted to be free. My mental health took a back seat to the demands of adulthood. I languished in the sea of nothingness, connected to a dark, energetic frequency that I couldn’t shake. It was easy to get into but hard to get out of. The pain taught me about trusting the process and allowing experiences to create dialogue between me and the teacher.
I explored the underlying beliefs of self-love, money, wisdom, healing, family, relationships, work, business, travel, and spirituality. I understood the importance of a shared dialogue that encourages thought-provoking questions.
I made it to the other side, and now I get to share my insights into what it means to fight depression with one hand tied behind your back and life with the other. Here are a few questions that you must ponder.
Why did you endure the hardships in silence for the sake of others, and how did this decision impact your perception of personal versus communal responsibilities?
What specific lessons did you learn from the “dark web of secrecy” and how have these lessons shaped your approach to dealing with challenges now?
How did your beliefs about self-love, money, wisdom, and other explored themes change due to your experiences, and how have these changed beliefs influenced your current life decisions?
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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