Since my son’s trouble last Fall he has been very hard to reach. And he’s certainly not reaching out to me, I mean, I’m his dad, and he’s seventeen. Maybe I should look at my need to connect and back off a little.
“Go slow. Friends before lovers. There is no hurry. Pause before responding. Let them experience the chase for a bit as well.” Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. That’s all you’ve got to go on. A glance and a YES or NO. It reminds me of the site “Is She Hot or Not?” Well, it was a bit…
I am viewing you as whole, strong, and capable. And in my affirmation of you and your inherent ability to be strong and sufficient, I am reaffirming my belief in you.
While I don’t condemn you for drinking, I do ask myself as the third glass is poured, what is causing them to check out?
I’m sad sometimes about the amount of time I have lost of my kids’ childhoods. I long some days for them to be 5 and 7 again and be loving, cuddling little beings. But they are teenagers heading back to high school. I find myself getting depressed as school starts back up for my children.
Be good to yourself. Expect the best. Settle for nothing less than 100%. Sure, there is some flexibility with the nice-to-haves, but zero flex with the must-haves and red flags. None. One bad move and we’re done. You don’t have time to wait around for another adult to figure out their life.
The tiger in me needs a tigress to share the warmth on a cool night. And when I have my mate, all the pretty tigresses in the world, or the city of New York, are merely other animals in the jungle.
I talked to my daughter this weekend about setting up my second bedroom for her. “I want more time with you. More time just being around you. I miss you.” I could tell she was feeling the same things. It was a touching moment between us as we looked at each other in the Apple Store on 5th Avenue in New York City.
Bask in the present moment with your lover. And fight like hell when distortions and disconnections happen. Then come back to the center first as individuals. Then come back together as a couple.
Keep your co-parent in a cooperative teammate role. When you make them the enemy, your actions might create just that. Of course the damage you inflict on another person is really damage that you do to yourself. In the case of the co-parent of your children, please reconsider any adverse actions on your part. Keep the love of your children in your heart and mind and forgive even the egregious actions of your ex-partner.
My goal, as a good dad, is to be available emotionally and physically to my kids all the time. They know where I stand. I’ve never bad-mouthed their mom. And as they continue to grow and mature into adults, I’m back to having an equal opportunity to be with them.
I do believe kids come first. But I also believe that dads are just as important as moms in the parenting equation. I think the modern research now shows that dads provide just as much nurturing and just as much security as moms.
Father’s day was a day of celebration while I was married. As a single dad, it takes on a slightly different tone for me. I’m not sad on Father’s Day, but I am reflective of what has become of my parenting relationship. With two teenage kids that live with their mom, my involvement is less than I would like.
So I stayed still. I sat with the feelings. I prayed and meditated. I ate three meals a day and walked in the brutal Texas heat. And I kept going.
The old trope has it that mothers provide the love and nurturing in the family and dad’s provide the money and the discipline. In some sense, the emotional roles, the emotional center of our family was actually around me. I was the go-get’m dad.
There’s no stopping this momentum between us. No pullback from the accelerator pedal on the new BMW M-Sport wagon I purchased as an affirmation to my renewed vigor and success.