Again Into the Breach of Online Dating

I’m in a very different place than the last time I dipped my toe into online dating. (Adjusting My View of Online Dating) And my current job, as a customer service rep in a retail environment has informed me of several things about my preferences and limits. What I do and don’t like.

What’s My Offer?

Here’s what I’m bringing to the party. Outgoing extrovert with musical and poetic talents seeks co-pilot for adventure, creative collaboration and sensual expansion.

What Am I Looking For?

I’d like a fit woman within 5 years of my age (10 is probably the limit either way) who has her own creative life, her own cultivated interests, and who brings a lot of energy and enthusiasm to the partnership.

How I Navigate Online Dating

In previous attempts I’d advise people get on all the dating sites, at first. Check it out. See where you find interest. Today, I’d limit that to Bumble and Match.com. Currently, I’m only on Bumble. Here’s the real advice: patience. You can spend a lot of money with boosts, spotlights, and premium features. But when you’ve swiped through all the people in your range and taste, it’s going to be slim pickins. Today, when I open Bumble I get one or two new people to swipe on. Is that all there is? Or is Bumble gaming my account to try and get me to pay for a Spotlight? I think it’s a bit of both. Today, I’m patient. I’ll wait out Bumble’s algo and see who shows up at a slower pace. I might look into joining Match again, but for now, I’m going to slow my roll.

I know that I am devouring the time alone since I broke up with my 3+ year girlfriend. Getting more sleep. Not having to plan joint meals all the time. Sure, there are no cuddles, but I’ve added two cats (October of last year) and I can hold out for a better fit.

When You Know How To Let Go

If you’re going to date, if you’re going to look for a new partner, you’re going to have some breakups. Learn to breakup well. No games. Be truthful. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt, maybe even a second chance. But don’t, under any circumstances, settle for someone who is not meeting you at your peak of energy and joy. It won’t work in the long run. I’m into the long run. I’d rather not be so good at breaking up, but I am really not interested in a 3rd divorce.

So far, I have not been on any “hello dates.” I’ve had a few chats. I dabbled in GEO-TRANSPORTING to New York City, just for fun. And I’m back, settled in my quest.

Online Dating is Not the Way

Of my last six relationships half were through online dating. The other half were from personal contacts. One was from a tennis group I play with on Friday nights. Online there is very little context. Sure, I can read your profile, see your pictures, and engage in a chat, if you’re open to it. But, until we meet it’s all fantasy. The photos can lie. The chat can be good but the in-person banter and flirting could be awful. Give it time.

Walk in the world with your joy and energy out forward. That’s how I believe I will attract my next partner. Being the best version of me that I can be gives me a sparkle. I shine a bit more when I’m playing music and tennis on a regular basis. So, my plan, this summer, is just being happy, being available, and showing up in the world doing the activities I’d like to do with a partner. Maybe they will already be doing the same thing on a Sunday morning. BINGO.

Yes, I’ll keep my Bumble profile open. It’s possible someone will engage in a promising way. But for now, the online side of dating is a distraction. It’s more like social media than an actual avenue for finding a partner.

Always Love,

Namasté

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Previously Published on The Whole Parent and is republished on Medium.

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