“No thanks. I’m gonna pass on playing cowboy with James Bond’s alien.” Dateline:Thursday night. My bed. There I was, desperately trying to fall asleep. No mater how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut down my brain and drift off to the peaceful slumber I desired. Thought after…
Sex and The Single Dad
Lonely Boy
When I dance around the kitchen as I cook, it looks vaguely like this video, only way shittier. I dig the Black Keys and you should too. Maybe that was too strong a statement. Let me try this again. I dig the Black Keys and believe that it’s worth a three…
Bald Writer Dude
I’m proud to announce that I’ve finally completed the totally overdue re-branding of my professional site. You can now find me at www.baldwriterdude.com. How did I come up with that name? Simple. I’m bald. I’m a writer. I’m a dude. I put them all together, checked GoDaddy to see if the URL was…
Closer To The Edge
Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free? The birth of a song, The death of a dream Closer to the edge Thirty Seconds to Mars I was listening to Pandora last week and this song came on. I’ve heard it a bunch of times, but for some reason the…
They call me House
“Because that’s where people with your type of insurance go.” I’m currently scared shitless. I know that’s not the best way to start a blog post, but it’s the truth. A little over five years ago, while having an MRI of my brain the neurologist found a tumor called an acoustic neuroma. The tumor…
The wrong side of 45
“Buttercup took the dirt nap.” Me Today I turn 46, which means I’m now officially on the countdown to 50. I really don’t care about the number, because I believe it’s about how old you feel. Unfortunately I have days where I feel like I’m 90 and others where I feel 17 and that I’m…
Panic Switch
When you see yourself in a crowded room Do your fingers itch, are you pistol-whipped Will you step in line or release the glitch Can you fall asleep with a panic switch Silversun Pickups When the drum kicks in at 8 seconds, that’s when I start bobbing my…
Dancing mailmen and other assorted nonsense
My daughter is 14. This is stuff I need to know. I was watching the Raiders game on Sunday morning, when it went to commercial. It looked like I was in someone’s house and I noticed the front door was open. Suddenly, Without any warning. The mailman came leaping in the door and proceeded…
Musical Families for $200, Alex
This is what you get when you cross Jeopardy with one of those, “Hardhitting” VH-1 Rockumentaries. The other day I was doing some writing with iTunes in full shuffle mode. About an hour in, I heard Wilson Phillips. A couple songs later, The Wallflowers oozed into my headphones. For some reason, this started me thinking…
Hal Jordan and His Merry Men
I’ll be straight with you. When I saw Van Wilder jacking off a dog, I never imagined the ring would choose him. That was some sick shit. It’s probably obvious from the caption above that I just saw Green Lantern starring Van Wilder hisself, Mr. Ryan Reynolds. Friday late afternoon, I’m chillin in my…
My Two Cents–Penn State
I apologize in advance if this gets, uh, animated. It could possibly be the best 2:38 of your day. Or maybe not. I guess you’ll have to look and find out.
Screw it
“Holy crap. No. I’m not happy. Don’t tell me to screw it.” Wednesday, November 9. 4:37 PM My 14-year-old Drama Queen stays with grandma on Wednesday nights because I do my radio show from 8:00- 9:30, then come back to my studio to knock out 5 Minute…
Douche of the Week–Soccer
All the Euros and soccer honks can sit back down. I’m not dissing the world’s most popular game. Please continue to read and I’m pretty sure you’ll be as appalled as I am. VICTORVILLE, CA: Saturday morning I was on Twitter when @VirtualMom tweeted about her kids soccer games…
The Middle
Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else. Saturday morning I was sitting down to see if I could write and, as I often do, I clicked on Pandora. I looked at the screen for a moment and perused my options. “Am I in a 90’s…
Wordless Wednesday–Jesus loves the little children
Leave me your best caption for this picture. P.S. Before you judge me for this, remember that some company made this. A christian bookstore also stocked it and sold it. And some holy roller Christian or devout Catholic…
Breathe
2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you’ll use…